I dunno

…I dunno why I came here to my blog to start a new entry. I’ve just finished reading Taylor Swift’s Wall-Street Journal op-ed and suddenly I feel compelled to update. She has always been a bit of a hero to me, even if she’s younger than I am. So far she has kept a clean life from the paparazzi, her music is sweet and (sometimes painfully) straight from the heart, and is completely down to earth. Her ability to push out to people her optimistic heart’s content allows her fans to like her not for her body and her admittedly mediocre singing talents, but for relatability. Her songs are like diary entries in song form.  For someone like me who does something very similar, of course I’d love her. My favorite songs are all songs that contain the most genuine feelings and meanings. If the song’s subject is something vulgar or ridiculous even with a good beat or a catchy tune, chances are good I won’t listen to it. And indeed, as I learned from 9th grade English with Mr. Schumacher, songs are just poems in song-form. When the word “poem” comes to mind for me, I think “beautiful, romantic, thought-provoking.” So why shouldn’t a song be like that?

This of course brings me to another subject we were discussing at the dinner table last night. I may have blogged about this before, but I will do so again. You may remember that I’ve used the term “Dark Blood” to refer to the negative personality traits derived from the “Dark side” or my dad’s side. Our conclusion is that the 3 of us have been blessed with different gifts. My sister inherited the Bamboo Complex, I’ve got the Mind Trap Boiling Into White Hot Rage Affliction, and while no one has really delved into my brother as much, I believe that he has the Insecurity/Give Up Syndrome. All of them aren’t inherently bad, as they all have strong roots in self-preservation, but in a time that survival is unnecessary, they become great hindrances. Personally, my particular problem is that when things get into my mind, they swirl around and ruminate and simmer until they take over my mind and subsequently boil out in some form. This is unbelievably detrimental to anyone’s well-being unless you understand how to vent. As you may have noticed or guessed, for me, much of it comes out in these blogs…these (effectively) diary entries. If I can get it out of my system, I don’t have to worry about it anymore and can move on. This is the ultimate form of venting for me to get the big stuff out, but talking is also very useful. And MAN I’m good at talking. Talk talk talk talk talk. Otherwise I try to push it into outlets like creation, sketching, music, and for the more primal ones: good, hard, physical labor. A good example is when my brain comes up with ideas for Project AoWaM and swirls and builds out of control until it’s almost all I can think about (it actually hurts if it doesn’t leave) until that time when I just sit down and type it all out. Doesn’t matter how bad it sounds right then and there, as long as it’s gone. Then after that I can finally move on to other ideas. Even when I try to go back and think about it again, it’s gone. It’s not the same.

Scary stuff to think about it.

Ironically, I had to get that out of my system. See????

Now I have to go experience stress at work. Wish my sanity and luck.