Tuesday yet again

Had a great time last night trying not to scratch the heck out of my ant bites! The big one on my wrist that I seem allergic to is now rather multilobulated (for lack of better terminology) and just as itchy as ever. The ones around my ankles have grown too and more are showing today than yesterday. Unfortunately for me, they rub on my shoes whenever I walk. Ugh.

Remember that Escape Room game I was raving about yesterday? Well. I got to an extremely annoying level that made me so nauseous I was messed up for the rest of the day. Had to go take a nap to chase it away. Ugh. Now I don’t know if I can finish it.

Made wings last night with dipping sauces and I can’t believe it took me all this time to figure out how to make a really good fried chicken. Now I know! Even if it was bland. Also learned that trying to marinate frozen wings is a terrible idea because it doesn’t work.

This Saturday is my cousin’s wedding. I really don’t want to go, but I have to. Ugh. Man, I really hate weddings. I was able to get out of going to 3 of them this year, but I can’t dodge this one, sadly. Of course, it’s in the worst possible place too. Poor parking, poor driving. Man I hate these things.

All of the weddings this year really bring to light the scope of my negativity and pessimism about relationships in general. I say that I’m fine, but obviously deep down I’m not. I have seen and continue to watch as supposedly happy unions fizzle and fail all around me. My own, my parents, my relatives, and I think most bothersome to me: all the ones at work. I’ve been there long enough to watch the kids and families grow up, and it’s always so awful to watch the divorces occur and the effect they have on these families. The kids. The only real losers in any divorce are the kids. Now, all I can see, and all I seem to want to look out for, are signs that they won’t work. My heart was stone before my relationship, then it melted and I felt like it would never harden again, but I was wrong. It didn’t return to being a rock, it turned into steel. I can’t feel good or happy for anyone (except one of my friends) because I don’t see any of them working out. My inclination to dissect and analyze things extend greatly into the area of relationships. I’ve wondered if maybe I’m jealous of my friends for getting married and finding the thing I can’t, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think my problem is more that I care too much about them, and that I can only accept the best for those I worry for. All I can see are the flaws, the incongruencies, the potential risk for the future.

And perhaps this is the exact reason why I can’t get a relationship to work out. Why I can’t find someone. My rigidity and exacting expectations knows no bounds. When the requirements are that high, it’s bound to fail. I remember myself making concessions, re-thinking my morals to accommodate those of my partner in order to make it work. Looking back on it, that’s a surefire sign of disaster because I know myself. And other people are like that too. It’s a farce we can’t play for a prolonged period of time. Maybe I could if I were 10 years younger. That’s the benefit of being young: you’re supple. Everything about you is flexible.

That’s what I’ve been trying to convince myself about my cousin’s marriage. They’re young. Really young. And I get his fears. But I also know what kind of changes occur when that brain finally starts to mature around 30 years old. When it all starts to become so rigid, set and hard to bend. It happened to my parents, and it’s happening to my patients. Maybe there’s a use-by date for marriages with kids: 10-13 years? That’s about the average in my patient pool. My parents’ relationship soured around that mark too. The childless marriages hardly ever fail. The large-gap marriages fail and badly.

I listen and observe my two co-workers who were married this year. They’re different from each other, the relationships and my vantage point as a 3rd party is beneficial to speculate into the future. I need to stop being so critical, though. I need to be happy for them. Or…at least try.

 

Advertisements

Itchy!

I went South over the weekend and spent 3-4 hours pulling up weeds so tall they looked like wheat by hand. The weather was gorgeous and I had the benefit of cloud cover for most of it. Unfortunately for me, I also was trying to displace soil around the A/C unit in order to facilitate function and managed to disturb a massive colony of ants that had taken to living in the soil mound. I had the world’s smallest shovel because apparently all the shovels are here in the townhouse, I was wearing black gloves and black shoes. Thank goodness I had the foresight to wear gloves, but the black color of the shoes and gloves meant that I had no idea I was disturbing ants at all or being swarmed by them until they started inflicting pain. They were ALL OVER my gloves and shoes and when I finally noticed them (and the pain!) it was crazy! I tried scooting my feet back as far as I could to shovel, but they kept marching up the handle and swarming my feet. Not even leaving and coming back would deter them. I tried to take a video and some pictures (there were so many, you could HEAR them running around!!) but they were so enraged they killed an innocent spider caught up in all of it and continued to attack my feet. I ran off, peeling shoes and swatting at myself all over and ran inside. Usually I don’t wear socks, but I’m so glad I did this time. Inside the house I removed my sock to find one in there too and it ran off somewhere. That’s when I realized that I had bites all over, even up on my neck. The worst bite was on my wrist which was throbbing and in serious pain. DANG those tiny things can BITE!!!

I decided to leave them alone and go do my weeds. Later on in the day, my curiosity sent me over to find they had accumulated themselves in one perfect circle about 6-7inches in diameter. I suspect they were holding a conference about what to do next. Maybe I killed their queen. I do know I saw the white larvae and larger lima-bean-like egg bundles. Probably plotting how to best kill the humans that dared invade their perfect colony.

Well…I shall return! Hopefully with a longer, bigger shovel. Or even better, they’ll just be gone. I wonder if ants can place booby traps? It’s crazy to think how fearless they are. I am a towering giant compared to them, but they swarmed me with no second thought for their lives and DAMN those bites hurt! It made me think how if humans were being attacked by an impossibly tall giant if we’d be capable of that kind of courage and sacrifice for the sake of our people. Ants don’t have weapons either! Just the ones built in! And now they ITCH LIKE THE DICKENS. Especially the big one on my wrist. Guh. I guess humans would try to climb and stab. Maybe just our saliva would cause an allergic reaction to them? Probably have to dip our weapons with toxin.

My muscles feel huge today with all the work I was doing.

Bought some video games yesterday and played some demo and I have to say that those anime dating sim story book things are honestly really boring. I wanted to see what all the allure was and had finally found ones aimed at women instead of at men. So. Boring. Good thing it was on sale. I’ll eventually make my way through it at some point. Also, why in the world do so many anime/JRPG games have to be so gratuitous these days? I was playing Labyrinth of Refrain: Coven of Darkness demo and while it is a very generous demo, it was like, UGH. Big boobed, young witch being leched on by every ugly man she comes across, has a young girl as an assistant that she “hates” but actually cares about (super cliché in these games), supposed to be an all powerful witch, manipulates the lecherous governor (who was caught staring at the witch’s ample chest 36 times! 36!!)but is invited to stay at a monastery (you can’t be outside at night because of zombies) by a hot nun (of all things) who attempts to rape said-supposed-powerful-witch and almost does (a NUN…) successfully until “powerful witch” vomits everywhere as a defensive response. Then they wake up and everything’s cool. Why. Just WHY?? The gameplay itself is dungeon crawling in the style of the old Doom games, with RPG fight system, and doors everywhere. That part isn’t too bad, but it’s just not all that intriguing…even though I managed to spend 4 hours playing it yesterday. A demo of all things. It’s not bad, but alluring and yet, I don’t like it. I dunno, hard to explain! I wouldn’t pay full price for it.

OK, wrist bite is awful itchy and it’s in a very inconvenient location where it can get scraped on everything.

I did get another game which is an Escape Room game. I love those types of games, though after you play the 999 series this is pretty tame. I’m really enjoying it. It’s called Escape Trick: 35 Enigmas. The puzzles aren’t impossible, but can be frustrating. I can’t find walkthroughs anywhere, so I’m making one myself. I’m not a huge fan of video walkthroughs since you have to watch and wait, so hopefully when I’m done, my text walkthrough will help someone. I’m not an expert at writing them, but at least there’ll be one for someone else.

Another Rainy Day

We’re being hit by Florence the tropical depression’s outward layers currently. It’s  good thing we went on the walk already. I was just reading that in Chesterfield county a tornado touched down near Genito on Hull St. Yeah just spent several minutes watching vids and such. Crazy. I’m glad there wouldn’t be anywhere here for it touch down too close to me.

This weekend was a blur. From the refrigerator that actually came on Saturday and all the cleaning from that, to eating out, and then being a vegetable on Sunday playing Two Point Hospital on Steam literally all day long (the same creators as Sim Theme Park I was STOKED to play it), and then the vet visit on Monday with Gable (yesterday) where he was an absolute monster to sit in the room with (whine bark whine bark phee phee) because they were slammed with emergencies and all, and then suddenly he was perfectly behaved while shopping for treats afterwards. Then it was shopping and more Hospital playing for me.

I’m getting my weight-lifting body back now. It makes me so happy to see that I’m finally getting back to normal. It’s taken a while. Didn’t get anything crafty done this weekend because I’ve been busy buying online photo stuff and didn’t want to spend more money.

I’m really enjoying the Two Point Hospital game, but I just really want another Sim Theme Park.

Been reading more lately, too, and I’m happy to say that.

I’ve soooort of updated my online dating profile, but I’ve not been on it at all. I’ve had 2 takers but when I go check it all out, I remember why I hate it so much and subsequently, how happy I am right now, and how much I just want my own place.

OK, traffic is AWFUL today already, so I need to go quickly.

Bleh

This rainy weather has been making me so sleepy. So that massive hurricane the media was blowing out of proportion (as usual) is going to completely miss us until it heads north as a tropical depression. So basically, more the same stuff we’ve been having. I predicted as much. My joints and bones aren’t feeling it like a big storm that will impact us.

Last night was the first night since a month ago when I got sick that I did a workout. I did well! There was reservation but I feel better now and really want to not waste the weight loss achieved by whatever virus I had. I was sweating everywhere, and the endorphin rush kept me wide awake for the next hour. The plan is to do a lot more cardio this time around. Weights are still important, trying to build back the strength I’ve definitely lost, but my biggest goal is to shed the stomach fat. I fit in my clothes again and I’d like it to stay that way, thank you.

I found the other day, that I have wrinkles on my forehead. Now, I’m not one to care about vain stuff like that, but I feel like it’s from driving in traffic all the time and dealing with idiot at work, since I’m always frowning around her. It’s crazy how much stress she causes me and for those who ridicule me for my treatment or reaction to her, I challenge anyone (even my coworkers) to sit where I sit and do my job for 2 weeks. Better yet, make it a month, and see where you stand on it all. See if you can understand how I feel. My coworkers don’t hear it in surround sound like I do. One of them used my chair once and said, “now I understand what you go through. I feel bad for you.” The pure idiocy and inanity and fiction and everything of what she says and does over there is so utterly infuriating. Really. She doesn’t even do a good job and the other hygienists end up cleaning up after her, literally, always looking like the bad guys while she seems like a saint. She makes the assistant help her all the time, uses 2 chairs constantly because she can’t keep up, while we’re over here stuck if we’re behind, can’t clean the room properly (blood EVERYWHERE), steals what I say and larks it as her own to her patients, and she’s freaking LOUD so I can’t help but hear every juicy, stupid thing about her life. The vomit-inducing way the dumb-patients in our office hang off her every word (there were 2 yesterday) sycophant style, while having no clue what a terrible job she does it maddening. My bosses are much too nice to confront or say anything, and anyways, there are NO hygienists or anyone around right now even if they wanted to replace her.

Whoo. Another day with her. And we’re supposed to eat lunch for her birthday which is stupid because we were supposed to yesterday, but of course she can’t make up her mind because why would she make a decision that could ultimately come back to haunt her if she “makes a wrong decision.”

Tuesday Once More

Weekend over!

Saturday was spent all day with crafting! Creating the patterns (out of cardboard) for the dog costumes this year. That took 3ish hours or so, and then when I got done with that, I happened to find my old Metroid Light Suit chest piece and set about working on that. The worst part about it is that I last worked on it maybe 3 years ago, and now my body doesn’t 100% fit it that well. I’m big. I’m fat. Well, a few hours into that and I’m rather stoked about what I was able to accomplish on it. The brain felt good, too, because I got to stretch those unused muscles. It’s been a while.

Sunday then was a continuation of creativity, with me writing and drawing. I’d found out that Hot Topic does fan art contests and while I’m definitely not as good as those crazy people that have their ideas printed on t-shirts often, I decided to delve into something I don’t do often in my old age: fan art. Weird that it took me all these years to start doing it again, but here we are. I’m sure I won’t win, but after looking at some of the entries, I’m waaay ahead of those people. LOL. I did end up posting it as my RW update.

Then Monday! THE EXCITING DAY! The day the new fridge was supposed to come! It was work work work all morning, moving things around to allow the delivery dudes to come and then planning a quick outing to go to the bank, Whole Foods and Chick-fil-a (finally). I was on edge the whole time, super ready for the call. Then we got the call around 12:45 and I was like, GO TIME, rushing everyone. Got everything put away, the old fridge emptied and cleaned out, and waited. And waited. And waited. Soon 30 minutes became an hour which then became 3 hours. WTF. Finally, I called them and they were like, uh, oh, the fridge was never delivered to the warehouse, sorry. The anger hadn’t hit me yet then, but it was boiling up. I tried the number to the dispatch center they gave me, but none of my efforts were rewarded with people. It just kept ringing until hold music played. So I get online and contacted Home Depot and after spending 10 minutes navigating the phone menu, ended up with a person and promptly lost signal. Cue the rage. I then decided to TEXT Home Depot since that’s an option, which while convenient is extremely frustrating because it takes them like 10-30 minutes to return your text. In the end they figured it out and after another 2 hours of waiting for a reply while trying NOT to be annoying rage customer, I texted them and they were like, oh yeah, the fridge manufacturer didn’t ship it out in time for delivery, so they’ll call you tomorrow for a reschedule. Buh. At least it got sorted out. Lots of complications though, with the impending hurricane Florence barreling down to us, plus, I’m sure they’ll call me when I’m at work as all of these companies seem wont to do. Looks like it’ll be another Monday before we get it again.

On the bright side, the house and fridge have never been cleaner, and we got rid of a TON of stuff that was ready to be tossed anyways.

An ENTIRE DAY WASTED OMG. If they’d at least called to tell me the delivery could not be completed, I could’ve salvaged the day and at least gone grocery shopping. The plan if the fridge thing wasn’t happening was that we’d go grocery shopping and to the fabric store to buy materials for the costumes. GUUUUHHH. All I had time to do or wanted to do after that (around 4:30pm) was watch TV and play mind-numbing mobile games until it was time to walk the dogs and eat.

Still mad and disappointed.

Now I have no food to feed my dogs with.

I don’t really want to go to work because of the drama unfolding with one of my coworkers. Not my fault. It’s all inside of her. She’s all messed up now that she’s married. I have no idea WHY these two waited until they were married to have a midlife crisis. Upon talking to my friend/coworker, I realized that OMG she’s one of those latch-on people that I hate!!! It’s a contagious feeling too. I can’t stand people who aren’t content and always looking for the next big thing. Having goals is one thing, but not ever being able to be happy is something else. Have what you want, but want what you have. It’s  something spoiled, entitled people can’t ever understand. They fall into that category too (just like my cousin), because you know that whatever they want, their parents will always provide for them. It’s nice to be loved, but they have NO IDEA how to THINK things through before you do it, because why do they have to if there are never any consequences? She’s been complaining nonstop about how much work is expected of her vs how much she gets paid because she can never get anything done and yet, all I ever see her doing is shopping online, emailing friends, doing stuff on her phone, going to the bathroom, taking one phone call and saying she’s done for the day and eating. She’s complacent. She’s comfortable. She’s going through this horrible identity crisis. Even her yoga teaching is not fun anymore and now she wants something else. It’s like she has no one to latch on to and she’s grasping for any lifeline, anything at all. Like a beetle rolling on its back.

IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.

More on my future in another post.

FriDAY

The last 3 days have been extremely difficult to wake up for. I even went to sleep early last night.

All I want to do is sleep. I’m trying to ascertain if it’s just the weather, season, or if I’m still sick despite the relative lack of symptoms.

I’m not ready to get back into dating quite yet, but I’ve found myself inexplicably drawn towards an online dating site. Managed to update some images and update the profile. Almost bare minimum there. It’s depressing, though, because I already know that no one is going to message me with my super short hair. Oh well. I refuse to change that I like and prefer short hair. The shorter the better. Getting back into the world of online dating again is interesting given the knowledge of the ins, outs and nuances. Beh. Whatever. I’m not fully into it yet anyways. I still haven’t sold my house and gotten my own place. Heck, I haven’t been down for a few weeks now. It’s coming, though. Now is the time to sink more monies into the lawn.

As soon as I pay off all the other stuff. Geez.

So glad it’s Friday now. I’m also excited at the prospect of going to the craft store and picking up some stuff to jump start the crafting! The goal this weekend is to start the dog costumes in design and pattern. I’ll gather materials to see if I can do a better job this time around with the Metroid Light Suit, or if that’s too daunting, I’ll do a Marth costume instead which will give me a good/better idea of how to do a breastplate. Also, then it will help me explore the intricacies of the foam I’m using.

I finally got myself a nice glass screen protector after my fiasco and buying cheapo crap ones. Of course, then I installed it improperly. Figures.

Wednesday

Today is my brother’s birthday!

Since I ran out of time yesterday, here’s some more! Let’s see, I spent a buttload of money the last few days. We got a new fridge with the labor day sales because the old one has been making weird noises and we suspect it’s the compressor failing. We could’ve tried to wait until Black Friday, but I think that’s pushing it. My mom had a serious event in the store, trying to wrap her brain around buying not nearly as many groceries because French-door refrigerators hold notoriously less stuff than side by sides or traditional top and bottom fridge/freezers. She was almost hyperventilating after seeing in person exactly how small the French-doors are. I had to talk her down with the same stuff I’d been saying forever. It’s true that we’re going to have a hard time breaking the habit of hoarding excessive amounts of food, but I think it is for the best and that it will save a lot of money in the long run. Half of the food we jam into the side-by-side fridge or even hoard into the pantry get thrown away from spoiling or expiration. What a waste! Not only that, but making smaller portions. So, saving money, reducing waste and losing weight. Wins all around!

Guess who gets to pay for it, though.

Which is dumb to think about because then I ended up buying all of this other crap that I want but don’t need. From the person who had finally enough money to get new glasses. Haaaa. And my dog still hasn’t gone in for his second wind of vaccinations. All that money for glasses wasted, now, on stuff that added nothing to my life.

Buh.

My appetite is still gone somewhere. My taste-buds with it. All I can taste well right now is fat. My food portions have diminished greatly. It’s not all bad because it works well for the losing weight bit, but me, not being able to taste? What point is there to life now? My lungs are still not quite right, my muscles fatigue quickly and my heart feels encumbered still. I really, really hope I fully recover soon. Probably just need the best medicine: the beach.

Trying hard to wean myself from the mobile gaming thing. Got the tie-dye project, bought a new roll of craft foam, looking for half foam spheres, and trying to work up the creativity motivation and find the catalyst that will jumpstart my CRAFT ON. The excitement is building!