Yesterday was the most frustrating and obnoxious day of work I’ve had in a while. For some reason I was feeling rather irritable in general, which I felt was the same for other patients because normally sweet, nice patients were very mean. I finally told off Idiot about taking my trays and not paying attention. Strange I felt so confident and in control of my emotions because normally I’d be so livid I’d be afraid what would come out of my mouth. It was the final straw because I was 25 minutes behind and I don’t have time to sit around when it means seconds before a patient walkout. After I told her off, she ran off to hide in the break room for a few minutes, and later it came up that the assistant was the one who took it and apologized profusely for, but it didn’t matter who did it because it needed to be said no matter what. The situation has been occurring for the last 2 years and this was the perfect moment to do it. Everyone is feeling frustrations about her, but everyone is too nice to say anything, so who better than the one with blatant and obvious disrespect for her. I’m just going to keep calling it out too until she gets it through her thick skull. I’m done holding it in and done watching as she takes full advantage of the already overworked assistant, treat her like her own personal assistant, and then at the drop of a hat blame her for everything. Countless time have I watched and heard her choose not to make decisions for herself in order to deflect blame when something bad happens. Always an excuse, always someone else’s fault. It can’t possibly be her fault. Nothing ever is even though it is. It’s passive aggressive bullying and I aim to call it out if I ever get a legitimate chance.
I don’t know what change came over me or what hill I just crested, but it’s time to stand up for things like that.
Maybe it has to do with my sudden crabbiness which stems from being back in a hopeless, backed–in-a-corner-position. I’m still living with my mom, who has vision problems and seems adamant on keeping me around her forever. She can see, just not super clearly. I don’t mind being around to help, but I’m feeling (again) desperate to move out to my own place. However, I can’t. I ejected one problem with that, but now I’m shouldering yet another burden in the form of my brother and allowing him to use the other house as a half-time independent living zone. I want to give him that as he seems to not either be able to, or just doesn’t want to take the leap to his own apartment/abode. It’s a really nice house that we’ll probably never find or be able to afford again. On top of it, I can’t get down there to accomplish things as much as I’d like. Well, I can, but not only can my body not stand the grueling one-day-marathon events that I’ve become accustomed to doing anymore like it used to, but I literally do not have the cash for extra gas, extra car maintenance, extra groceries and especially not for the house. The more I go, the more I want to spend. And alongside that, I need money to finish fixing it up in order to sell, and even above that, I need time, which I just do not have. I need a span of time to do the fence.
Next week is spring break for public schools and originally we had the time off and I was planning around that because it’s springtime and I need about a week to get things done with muscle pain and deliveries and such. The worst part about all of this? WEATHER. I can’t just go take time off because who knows what the weather will do?
And honestly even when I sell it, it’s not like I’ll be able to get a place right away, but at least I’ll have the extra cash to pay off a few things, start an IRA and greatly reduce the bills even if I would have to pay out the butt for taxes without a mortgage. See? Nothing is without burden.
Ah, being an adult.