Good MORNING

OMG it feels FANTASTIC to have a good night’s sleep! I think it was the best sleep I’ve had in weeks! Thanks to the night-guard, the weather, and a large sleep debt, I guess. It sucks that I sleep, but I don’t sleep, if you know what I mean. Waking up more tired than when I went to sleep. Maybe the change in what I do before bed is the key here. Or maybe finally ditching the charcoal toothpaste was the secret event that made it all better. Haha. MAN I am so glad to be done with that toothpaste and back to my normal one.

Also, I started reading my End of the World Anthology of short stories book and it’s awesome.

THAT IS ALL.

 

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Nothing like a bad workout  night to make you depressssseeeddddd.

I just feel like my muscles are weaker than normal and fatigue quickly. Like I’m not getting enough oxygen or something…maybe I’m having difficulty breathing….yeah that’s probably what it is. At first, I thought it was that I ate too much, but I think it goes beyond that. When I awoke this morning I felt like I’d been holding my breath all night. Possibly asthma, allergies…with all the humidity and such too.

Hopefully a good night’s rest will take care of it.

 

Grrr

Does anyone want my dogs? I’m so sick and tired of trying to feed them. Yes, we’re in one of those phases again. Difficulty feeding a dog has never, ever been on my worry list. WTH. I’ll take a different struggle over trying to feed a dog. I’m pretty sure I’ve exhausted every strategy by now. It’s just soooo stressful, you don’t even KNOW!!! Of course, they have no clue what’s going on and it’s not like I can sit them down and make them understand it, either.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?

I had this whole list of things I wanted to blog about, but now that I sit down, I’m like, ?_?  Happens every time.

Remember those books I borrowed from the library? I don’t know if there’s something wrong with my brain or something, but I just can’t get into them. The first one was a massive disappointment, but the second one should be fine. It’s good, it’s not like it isn’t, but I dunno, having the main protagonist so flawed like that is apparently not up my alley. Strange. Strange, strange, strange!!! Maybe my mind is now incapable of being intelligent anymore. Too many video games and mind numbing work. That’s pretty depressing. I have one book left which is an anthology of short stories, subject matter: the end of the word. I love short stories like these. Hopefully I’ll be OK with that. The books are due on Monday. I’m gonna keep trying to find a good book.

Rain, rain rain….all week, all weekend and even into next week. The ground is soggy, the sky is gray, there have been many, many crashes and I can’t do anything outside.

See, now I’m sleepy again even though I just woke up. I wonder if i can do anything useful today.

MY muscles have been trying to cramp all week.

blurb

4am wake up today. I have to go in early. I haaate going in early. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a morning person by nature, so this isn’t all that awful, but the real problem is that when I go in early, I’m doing a 10 hour shift and my 10 hour shift isn’t really 10 hours, it’s more like 12 hours because of commuting, possibly more depending on traffic. And since I wake up 2 hours before I leave for work, I’ll be up today from 4am to 10pm, though possibly later than 10pm because recently I’ve had a knack for staying up until 11:30pm or so, given that I don’t usually get up until 7am and feel like I spend too much of my life sleeping–except that I don’t sleep-sleep the whole time and end up napping.

The other problem with waking up early and part of the problem about “napping” on normal days is that I don’t live on my own and don’t have the luxury of making as much noise or turning on as many lights as I want because other people are sleeping and I have to be considerate. So, while I tend to nap on normal days, waiting for 7am to roll around, I feel like if I lived on my own, some of those napping days (depending on how much I slept the night before) would see me  up and at ’em, doing whatever on my laptop, reading, sketching, perhaps even exercising.

It was kind of nice to be wandering around at 4am with the pups this morning, since I’m never up that early anymore. The dogs, of course, are always ready to go for walks. While I’m currently awake and raring to go, I know that in about 4 hours my brain is going to start crashing. I didn’t sleep well the night before last night because of the heavy storms that came through, and for whatever reason it took forever to eat dinner last night and I exercised late, watched TV for an hour and didn’t try to fall asleep until about 11:20pm which is the norm for me lately. I slept well last night because I’m tired and need it, which is unfortunate, because that good of a sleep is hard to come by and I ended up waking up several times in anticipation of the alarm that never had a chance to go off because I was waking up, waiting for it.

buuuuuuurgh.

:(((((((((

Just looked at my bank account, hoping for some extra cash to transfer to other accounts an the process of saving them, but…wow. I’m depressed. Just like the weather right now: damp, gray, sprinkly, and foggy.

Even more depressing is how the weather looks for the next few weekends. Rainy, thunderstormy and impossible for me to do any woodwork staining at all. Buh. I was down staining my fence (finally!!!) and I was pretty upset with myself for being unable to finish the entire side like I planned to originally. The weather was just no working out as usual. I knew it was going to be HOT and humid, but I was promised mostly cloudy skies which did NOT happen. I was dying of heat exhaustion after about 4 hours, and I ran out of stain, so when I went in to cool down and rest for a bit, the sun went away. Every single time this happens in the heat, my ability to return back outside decreases dramatically and I can only endure maybe 1/4 – 1/3 of what I was able to the first time. It’s not even a half-life! Then, when I was ready to maybe give it another shot, the sun came back out and I just gave it up because I still wanted to return north. In the end, I am glad I made the decision to not return back outside because on the ride home, my muscles were starting to cramp and I was getting light-headed and sleepy–all heat exhaustion symptoms.

I just am not young anymore, no matter how I look at it. Mostly it’s frustrating because I really do want to capitalize on selling the house, but life is telling me to just wait and hang on. I’ve already resigned myself to not selling until later on in the year anyways, so that’s not really it. Usually what happens is that I go down to do yardwork and then I come back the same day…well, I do that because I get tired and I know my muscles will start hurting too much to drive comfortably the next morning. My muscle-cramp risk is very high and on a longer duration of drive like that, nothing is more frightening to me than a sudden gastrocnemius cramp–or whatever deep muscle it is that does the cramping. So, if I get all the work out of the way, then I CAN go down and enjoy myself like I used to without worry of needing to do stuff like that. I like doing work but it’s different when it must be done for whatever end. I love the house, and I’m reminded of why I love it so much, why it means so much to me and my dogs whenever I go, but it doesn’t make me happy owning it. The amount of stress and worry that’s constantly on my shoulders in regards to it overpowers the joy of homeownership. My brother and sister actually enjoy(ed) it. I just own it. A source of pride, but not felicity.

On the bright side, I got some work done! It looks nice too. We planned a “surprise” grilling dinner for my mom for Mother’s Day. It was good. Then on Mother’s Day, I took my mom to Super Walmart and the Premium Outlets. It has been a looong time since we’ve been able to just go shopping like that. Our schedules just don’t allow for it. The only thing that was missing was probably my sister, though that would’ve added another layer to things and I get bored of shopping pretty quickly for a female. I personally wanted to go for the Merrell outlet. Bought myself shoes for the next year again. I’m so cheapo, I’ll need shoes, I go spend a fortune on them, and then keep them around for another few months in the box until I really have to replace my old ones. We go about once or twice a year. It was all around a nice day. Thankfully it was a little gray and rainy because everyone slept in a bit and driving wasn’t overly aggressive either…my mom (and everyone else) gets nervous and horribly anxious when I’m driving. It’s bad when the first thing she said while getting in the car was, “don’t make me scared!!!” haha. ha…ha……ha……

My inner fire is not nearly as intense as it used to be. It’s amazing what age can do for you. Honestly, I can’t imagine how I used to be, yowza. Crazy, spitfire, aggressive.

Sleepy day. I actually drew something recently!!! I’m super proud of myself for doing it too. Maybe I’ll manage to draw some updates to RW for once.

So here’s something interesting: one of these was taken with my phone’s new AI Cam and one is just the regular camera. Because I’m dumb, I can’t remember which one is which.

Why

I love activewear stuff because I actually like (contrary to popular thought) to be active. However, it is MUY difficult to find clothes, especially activewear, that it not slim fit. It’s harder for me given that my shoulders, arms and bust are larger, my back is short, and my hips/butt are large too. Not to mention the big band of belly fat and original lack of waist to begin with and there you have it. A very awkward body shape indeed. Pants are awful too owing to massive cankles and huge thighs on small feet. Put it all together with the skinny pants fad and I can’t find clothes to wear.

How depressing.

How’d I Do?

Soooo? Did I get to accomplish everything I wanted to? Welllll, first off, I was right about sitting down to play games. Because I did. And then I realized that somehow I managed to log 174 hours in Dynasty Warriors 9 already. At first, I was like, that has GOT to be an error, but even after taking into account leaving it there under the TV shows while I cooked, ate and walked the dogs, that still wouldn’t explain nearly 200 hours of gameplay. Then I realized that yes, I actually HAVE logged in that many hours. Even scarier, that game is easily 2000 hours long…longer if I did every single quest and killed every single captain before hitting the objectives. Yowch, but a testament to the game itself. Gameplay, open world, story driven and history all rolled into one? Wowza. Reminds me that I have to access the gameclips I’ve recorded of glitches haha.

Secondly, I DID manage to accomplish things! Mowed the lawn, picked up dog poop (smelly stuff when it’s hot out), put together a high chair, tested a new fan (Vornado fan that doesn’t need to oscillate because it creates vortexes of airflow in the house), spent money, did recycle, cooked, even managed to draw stuff! The only thing I didn’t accomplish that I set out to, was read my book because by the time I got into bed it was later and I realllly wanted to finish the drawing thought in my head. I’m feeling those C-juice flowing again! Must take advantage of them. OH and also exercise. I’m too poor to buy Just Dance, so I guess it’ll just be my own imagination for a while still. Mondays are busy times.

All in all a success in my book. Now it’s back to work. Soon, it will be Mother’s Day and thereafter, Memorial Day and then it’s June!!

Crazy bees always slamming into the windows. Scares the heck out of me.

There’s a cat in our neighborhood! A light colored tortoise-colored? I saw her yesterday running around and was afraid I’d run over her, and then this morning I was coming back into the house after the walk and she was there, just chilling in the mulch next to the house. I said “hi!” and she ran off to the sewer. I wonder where she came from? It’s been a WHILE since there was a cat here. I’m always scared too, because animals die around here all the time…everyone drives very quickly and uncaringly.

I guess I didn’t get to stain the rocking chair either…oh yeah, it’s because I was tired after mowing in the heat and was sweating everywhere.