INFP-T “The Mediator”

My cousin sent me a personality test and since I just LOVE taking those, I did. It’s by 16 Personalities. Here are my results!

Screenshot (3)Screenshot (4)

It’s actually a bit creepy how accurate it all was…but it’s much more believable than astrology.

What’s even more interesting to me is that over the years I’ve evolved from INFJ (which I had been for YEARS) into INFP, even though it’s still a rather 50-50 category.  Both are part of the “Diplomat” class. INFJ are considered “Advocates” while INFP are “Mediators.” It’d be interesting to see what I turn into the future.

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Sigh

I don’t know what is going on with my mom. She had the surgery last week where they had to take much more out than they originally thought. Still dunno about that, I’m sure they will biopsy. Now last night she managed to pop a tendon or something in her knee and can’t walk. My brother will take her to the doctor today. I’m more concerned that it’s a blood clot as a complication from her surgery, but either way it really puts a major damper on things. On top of it all, she’s been terrified she won’t be able to pay for any of these medical procedures and now she won’t be able to work.

Sigh. I mean, there’s not much that can be done until it’s diagnosed.

I’ve mentioned many times to her that she needs to exercise. She’s just too overwhelmed by a desire to take care of my nephew 2 days a week. Working 5 days and then taking care of him 2 days is too much, especially now that he’s already showing signs of being a brat. I’ve long figured that she’s afraid to say anything to my sister about being paid to do this and such because she does not want to be out of his life. She’s afraid my sister will not let her see him as much. Really, she just needs time to heal properly and relax. I can’t imagine working the days and then not having my weekend. I’d be so drained. I think that’s the problem here. Her job entails being on her feet the whole time and like you could not be on your feet when you’re taking care of a 2 year old. It’s wreaking havoc on her health. She can barely sleep at night as it is and you can bet healing is just not occurring, leading to things like popping a tendon in your leg. She often says she’s too tired to exercise and I don’t dispute that, but it doesn’t change the fact that the exercise still needs to be done. Then again, she gets very angry if I say stuff like that.

What do I do? Take away her grandmotherly joy? Tell her not to work? She complained while resting last week from surgery that she gets bored without something to do. I mean, she pretty much can’t drive anymore. Tomorrow she’s supposed to go with my sister to see if she can pass the vision exam to renew her license. I don’t know what’s going to happen now.

When it rains it pours, doesn’t it?

In better news, my realtor emailed me a congratulations on having the contract ratified and that home inspection is going down today at 2pm. While that’s cool, it brings on a brand new set of worries. And then I realized that I need to have my mail forwarded here. I planned on not going down this weekend and then remembered I have mail I need to pick up. There’s a parade going on here that closes the roads on Saturday. Maybe I can just make a driving trip on Sunday?

Yet another Tuesday.

This weekend was fulfilling. Took a trip South, probably the very last time I properly mow the lawn, er, weeds. I keep hoping they’ll do the Radon test soon because my realtor told me that it’s guaranteed to fail if it rains within 48 hours of testing. It’s so very dry right now. I don’t really know what’s currently going on with everything aside from the fact that the speed of signing was so slow that they pushed closing back to November 26. Sigh. Originally it was November 15. I think it was my fault, but I couldn’t help it because I was working and we get no breaks if it’s busy, which Thursdays usually are. I don’t know why Thursdays are like Fridays in the real estate world. I don’t plan on heading down this Saturday in part because up here there’s the annual parade and they close the roads anyways. Weeds are basically dead at this point. I plan on remedying the lawn this weekend. Already I’m priming the lawn for aeration: 20 minutes of water soaking a day. It might not even be enough given how dry it’s been, but I picked the weeds and did the last lawn mow Sunday. Looks good again. I’d been neglecting it ever since Liana died…I’ve neglected everything since Liana died. It’s time to take care of things again, and what better time to take care of the lawn than Fall? Gorgeous weather outside.

What else happened….OH yeah. Neighbor’s smoke detector kept going off, so I ended up talking to him on the phone and now he’s in my phone for texting if necessary. Figures. Then we finally talked to the neighbor on the other side of him. The wife had to go to the hospital. I forced him to say good morning to me the other day which paved the way for my mom to talk to them yesterday. Turns out the wife had 2 DVTs but she’s okay now. Dang. Scary stuff. Other neighbor’s dog is still scary and Gable is still not a fan. She’ll launch herself at other dogs because she’s so crazy. It’s a good thing Liana isn’t around because she would bite almost immediately.

Speaking of Gable, his diarrhea issue is SOOO much better. Young vet called me yesterday and you know, maybe because I’m old now, but these young people! It’s enough dealing with them at work, but as the vet for your old dog? She kept saying “kidney disease” over and over. Alright, he has a minor UTI again. It happens to him a lot, though it hasn’t in years. With the complications of the GI infection, something must have happened that changed things. Not a big deal. She wants to treat it, which is fair, but I’m not inclined to right at this moment because 1) he’s still in the throes of the GI thing, so an antibiotic like that will more than likely give him the runs again; 2) he is so sensitive to everything when it comes to his Gi tract; 3) It costs money! I already dropped $500 that I need to save for the inevitable house repairs and right away let’s drop some more! To be fair, it’s the proper course of action with the information at hand and given that he’s old, the renal system may not respond well at all to the minor UTI and it could become something bigger. Then she goes on to rave about his high creatinine levels which blah blah “kidney disease” and how we need to get him on regular subcutaneous delivery of water like we did last week and that I should do them at home. OK. I know that the water helps to flush things out. But wow, suddenly I need to do regular water deliveries? He’s drinking perfectly normal now! It’s not like I forbid him water or anything! If he’s thirsty, he drinks. Each one of those is like $50. So I’m like, HUH?! and then she backs off like, “in the future! that’s what I meant.” Once again, to be fair, flushing the kidneys is important since they’re not operating like they’re supposed to. Nothing she has said has been totally unreasonable and all have been indicated given the lab values which does not lie.

UGH. It’s fine to be by the book, especially when you’re younger and have less experience to pull upon, I get it, but something about her really annoys me. It’s like she wants to be assertive but is afraid to, but then she knows she shouldn’t allow the patient to dictate all of the care because she is, indeed, the doctor, but in the end it’s my own decision. Her clinical skills aren’t very confident either and as much as I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and concessions for different things, my entire experience last week with her and the rest of the brand new staff wasn’t the best. In fact, it probably was the worst I’ve experienced in my time at the practice. All these new people! In the end I had to reiterate that things cost MONEY, and that I honestly need to get paid again before I can really do anything. I’m betting in her mind she can’t understand why someone wouldn’t do everything it takes to care for their dog, but once again that’s inexperience speaking. Prescription kibble is 3x as expensive as normal kibble. Antibiotics cost money. I still have vaccines I need to do. They’ll need to do another urinalysis anyways. IV bags cost money. Everything costs money!!!! There are other things going on in my life too, not just the boy. If this whole house thing was wrapped up, it wouldn’t be too bad, but it’s not! I have to make another mortgage payment before it’s over and I just hope and pray that it doesn’t all fall through.

Stress. STRESS!! GAUUUGH. And yet life goes on. It doesn’t stop ever. No matter how you feel.

I’m just happy he’s feeling so much better now. He was playing yesterday, so happy, and that’s such a wonderful feeling. He’s so cute. I finished securing the head of his costume yesterday. Now I can’t decide what to do: do I try to do the griffin, or do I just reuse the old knight costume and make him an armored steed? I have just enough foam left to make a saddle. Or I could make him an actual armored horse costume. The wings are what stumps me. Hmmm.

Sigh

The buyer must be super duper excited about the house. My realtor sent the paperwork to be signed online and I was so busy during the day I had to wait until I got home to do it. They had already signed and I swear they probably did it instantly. While scrolling through and not really reading it (too many other worries on my mind) I realized why they wanted the house so badly: they live in an apartment. More than likely they have a young family or are having a baby and just want a house to live in. My heart went out to them. Even though the price isn’t what I ideally wanted, I’m happy to give into a young family–someone who could possibly love that house the way we loved it. There are only good vibes and plenty of love in that place and I just hope it rubs off onto their lives.

This is how I get hoodwinked into buying things. Just a hint of a sob story and I’m all there. I guess there are worse traits to have. What really got me was when my mom said that she was in that situation once, with small kids and hoping to be able to afford a house for them to grow up in.

I left work late yesterday, and then sat through a lot of traffic, only to find that my mom was yet to be home from surgery. Worrisome, but I had paperwork to do quickly and food to think about. Turns out they had a few hurdles. The mass they removed was much bigger than anticipated, her blood pressure was so high the entire time, and so they had to give her more anesthesia which for my mom is killer. Her recovery took 2 hours. She was supposed to be home early afternoon. She didn’t come home until near 8pm. 12 hours. She was out like a light and then when the doctor tried to call, he couldn’t get through because we forgot that we’d blocked private numbers from calling and couldn’t remove it in time. Oops. Well, she’s doing okay, even though she missed taking her medication and it swelled up. My sister said that she’ll stop by later, which is good because I’m going to work. My mom initially was like, I’m going to work tomorrow and I was like, HUH? What??? So stubborn and finally she called out. Thank goodness. She’s on Gabapentin which I’m quite familiar with given the dogs. I am still very upset that she was taken off a medication that I don’t thinks he should have been off of. Her blood pressure has been that high for a while and she just doesn’t want to hear it. This is a big issue and she very much needs to be on a blood pressure medication.

Thank goodness it’s Friday. I really hope the whole house thing finishes soon without too many complications. I am so done with dealing with it. I need to focus on other stuff. I’m not sure I’ve slept much at all these last several days. Definitely not last night. Always one ear open, and brain half awake.

back to work

I wish I wasn’t going back to work today, because I’d rather be home. Not because I’m lazy (at least not this time) but because I’m still worried about Gable and my mom is having surgery today.

Gable is doing MUCH much better. The vet visit yesterday was strange and less smooth than usual to me. Different staff on Wednesdays. Either that or the office is doing a lot of transitioning. I had the new vet who is young, but seems to know what she’s doing for the most part. I’ve seen many vets now and while she was fine, I think I prefer the more experienced ones. The young ones tend to be less…I don’t know, willing to listen? I guess there’s always that drive when you’re newer to prove yourself, like you’re more focused on the patient believing what you’re saying. I also felt like she was in a hurry, but I can understand that working in an office, myself. They also tend to go by the book more since they have more experience with that than experience itself. In the clinical, hands-on part, she seemed less sure of her skills and it didn’t help at all that the tech I had yesterday seemed also new and unsure. Gable certainly picked up on it. He didn’t pee for her at all and he’s usually great at that even if his diarrhea is bad. They gave me the kit and I went outside and BAM right away. Then the front desk when I went in to turn it in to them also had a bunch of new people. I’ve never seen them before. The male was definitely new but didn’t want to come across as that way (ended up charging me for the urinalysis which is part of the expensive blood panel, but then later called to refund it just like I knew they would. Thank the Dr. for that I think), the more experienced one was great, but then there was a brand new girl who wasn’t even dressed the part and it was very strange. Bad cohesion in the office yesterday and that’s totally different than normal. Only one other vet tech that I’ve seen before came to help with the IV rehydration for Gable, and I was instantly relieved. In the end, he got metronidazole to clear the flora whether it be from the treat or the toothpaste and they were very happy with me for the use of Purina’s FortiFlora. Yesterday, he was just Farty McFartFart which, while vile smelling, was good to me because at least to me it means that there are bacteria in his gut now to even produce gas. That and typically passing gas feels better than water coming out of your butt. I was terrified yesterday when his back end start slumping like he had rear paralysis. I was convinced he had cancer, but it was probably just pain from so much squatting and straining. Last night was tremendously better with the antibiotic and this morning his walk saw him peeing 3 times before even thinking about pooping. This is his normal and then the poop! It was a little wet, but there were ACTUAL POOP PIECES. I was ecstatic. Just ecstatic. That means it really was bad bacteria he ingested. I’m convinced it was the toothpaste. Perhaps even the backside weakness was endotoxin from the bad bugs. He’s still a bit weak in the back end and then there’s the problem of substantial weight loss. Labs come back today.

Great. I’m out of time. I hope everything goes well today on every front.

I decided to go ahead and accept the low offer on the house. I just hope I’m not too late. I’m so eager for it to be done and they weren’t trying to insult me, they just have no money. With no other firm offers on the table, it’s better to go with a motivated buyer with their finances in order. I’m tired of dealing with it and I want to focus on my boy.

Day off for vet

I took off work today so I can take Gable to the vet. I opted for the 10:30 instead of the 9:30 and now I’m regretting it >_<. His diarrhea is still ongoing and it boggles me. I got the Purina Forti Flora yesterday and true to the reviews, it seemed to work almost instantly. I’ve been having to force feed him his food (thank goodness I can do that with him) and especially now with the probiotic. Now we’re not talking from water to solid right away, that would be an absolute miracle, but I was very happy to see the yellow/brown color and soupy semi-solids because it was a far cry from the pure black/red liquid that would soak instantly into the ground, no solid in sight. At one point I swear he was pooping out pure blood. His mannerism is great, almost normal in spite of the state of his digestive system, and I was happy to see him looking out the window, sniffing his toys, begging for treats, and to hear that he was barking again. He wants to eat too, impatiently waiting for his food–though not actually wanting to eat the palliative garbage we keep giving him. I’ve been trying to transition him back into his kibble, but trying hard not to go too fast. Still no treats for him except for the most simple, organic one I have with the least ingredients. He gets upset at that, but I don’t want him doing a backslide. The gut bacteria need time and food to normalize again.

The only confusing factor here is the urge to poop. Despite the clear improvements in physical poop, he continues to strain, groan, and ask to go out every hour or two. It has been absolutely killer in the night and I am forever thankful that I live with my mom who helps in the early night and I take over past 3am. I literally heard nothing overnight until she woke me up around 3am to take him out. I didn’t know that I slept so soundly mid-night like that. Doesn’t help that he only goes to her at night to ask, and not me.

This makes it day 5. It started overnight Friday-Saturday culminating in him pooping on the carpet and it’s been a wave of up and down ever since. Times that he’d get better, then not, then seemingly get better, then back. It is clear that this is no ordinary diarrhea and I can only guess as to its origin. My best guess is the 6-year-expired toothpaste I used on him, but it could be anything from the random food I gave him to poop/pee from the many dogs in the neighborhood (because I’m wanting for monies and hadn’t taken him in for his vaccinations a month ago, which is silly because I’m missing work, not getting paid, and to spend lots of money with vet bills). Then it could be as serious as cancer. That last one. That dreaded one. But I have to know. It’s torture for him (and our sleep!) to live this way. It is (perhaps too naively) at the bottom of my list, given the sudden, acute onset of the diarrhea, but the complexity of this diarrhea case is none like I’ve ever seen in the time I’ve had these 2 dogs. Hmm. Come to think of it, my hamsters may have died from something like this.

There’s not much to do until we know for sure, and if it is the worst case scenario, there’s nothing to really be done and I will allow him to live in as most comfort as possible in his remaining time.

Sigh.

I also chose the worst day to ask off of work. It is going to be a nightmare with my patients on the schedule. In a way I’m relieved to not have to deal with it, but to place that burden on another is…well. I didn’t do it on purpose. Not this time at least.

Ugh, now MY stomach hurts. It’s been kind of upset the last week or so,  but this might be more than just gastrointestinal stuff.

At least all of this has stopped me from even thinking about the house. That’s just a side problem now.

 

>:E

Well…I guess they didn’t like my counter offer to their outrageously low bid on the house. Heard absolutely nothing. Oh well. Life continues.

The high stress levels I’ve drummed up from the real stress levels spilled over at work yesterday and really put things into perspective for me. Call it a face slap of “Get yourself together, man!” I can’t allow myself to get into that state. Things happen. Things that I can’t control. I can get nervous, I can vent, I can worry, but honestly, it’s not up to me how life happens, only how I react to it. I’ve dealt with so much more stress than this in my life and I’ve always been strong or let it make it me stronger. The problem is that these things inevitably do overflow onto other people and that’s just wrong. It’s not their fault and it shouldn’t be their burden, my own personal troubles. And more importantly for me, it’s not my own fault. I continue to assert that I’ve been paying for my father’s indiscretions. Karma works, but for some reason I’ve been paying the price for his nastiness and unfair treatment of others. My siblings seem to be faring well. That may be true, but if I look at it instead like I’m being put through the same tests as my father then it’s easier to overcome. I want to be put up against the same hurdles as him and be able to come out #1. I want to be able to stop the cycle, that vicious cycle, instead of preserving it. He cheated on everything and then would get offended if someone found out or gave him a taste of his own medicine. Yeah, that’s good. I need to stop drowning in that karma explanation and look at it like being a better person than he ever was or will be.

There are things I can directly solve and there are others that take time. That is my ultimate failure in life: patience. Time will tell. I’m quick to jump into things. Even though I can usually guess what’s going to happen (and usually I’m correct), I need to learn to wait because there’s hope (there’s always hope) and a chance that it may not. If I act prematurely as I’m wont to do, then that possibility has been shot in the heart. Poof. Gone.

As I learned in The Three Ninjas: “Strength in control.”

I was very mad at myself yesterday for losing my temper as I did. I’m not like that anymore. I don’t lose my cool and ESPECIALLY not around my patients. In fact, I’m known in the office for having and dealing with difficult patients well. However, she pushed me so far and I was already in a bad mood worrying about the house and everything, my game was totally off. The pure unfairness of the condescension and loathing she had for me (and everyone else) was so immense I had not only took strong offense, but I held a righteous rage for everyone else’s sake. Who is she to think she is higher, mightier, smarter, etc than everyone else in the office? I HATE those people. Honestly, the words she said would have annoying, but fine to deal with, but the emphasis, the feeling, the emotion and belief behind them burned me up like no other. How DARE she? I was fighting a quickly losing battle to control myself and validate my perfectly legitimate questions (I treated her like I treat everyone despite being warned about her beforehand. I’ve been doing this for years). When she got an inkling like she was going to lose this battle to reason, she said, “OK, it’s time for me to put my headphones in” and popped both of them in her ears so she wouldn’t have to listen. I hadn’t even finished explaining yet. LIVID. LIVID. I was like, ok then, I’m going to get this done as fast as possible, so I lean her back like any other patient, then she starts to flounder (she’s in her 30s) and say, “No one has EVER set me back this far. (In the tone that suggested I did this in spite of her)”

I said, “Oh yeah? Would you like me to put it up? (You know as opposed to further back?)” My hands were shaking so badly in my overwhelming rage it took a good 10 minutes to calm myself back down. The entire time I’m working on her I kept having to tell myself that I’m a better person than she is, I’m a better person than that. The devil on my shoulder kept suggesting I do this as roughly as humanly possible because I’ve never seen her before, how could she possibly know how I usually clean people’s teeth? Why people think it’s a good idea to make the hygienist angry (the one that wields small knives in the most sensitive part of your body) is beyond me. The angel was desperately countering those very attractive words. In the end I listened to the angel. She wasn’t worth it. Not worth going to jail for, not worth losing my job over, not worth a stroke or a heart attack. Of course, then she made 2 more appointments on my schedule which I promptly moved to someone else’s. While I was battling with myself and definitely towards the end, I could see her eyes and they, honestly, were confused. I think she expected me to be rough, but I made the difficult conscious decision to treat her like I treat all my patients. I said that to the temp once: Once a person is in my chair, they are my patient, no matter what they did or what I know of them. They are my responsibility and I will treat them like I treat everyone else that comes through. Even if they don’t deserve it. At all.

It all went down like this:

  • Front Desk S comes to me and hides in my room because B-Patient (abbr. BP) saunters in and immediately complains about how stuffy it is in the waiting room. See? If it was just the words coming out, it wouldn’t be so bad, but it’s the tone, the emotion, the intention behind them. Front Desk wants me to take her back as soon as possible. At this point I’ve already been briefed by my Dr. about her.
  • I go out at 1 minute past to feel tension in the waiting room and everyone against one side with one lone person on the other. I call out and guess who stands up. But she doesn’t JUST stand up, she does so slowly and gives me the most hateful look ever. Oh boy.
  • I direct her to straight into my room, and already feel a very negative energy from her, but before I can do or say anything she stops before sitting in the chair, turns and looks up at me. She says, “Everyone is sick in the waiting room.” I’m taken aback at the words which is not the usual, how are you, may I set my things down, etc, and not only the words, but the vehemence. I think I may have even taken a step back from the ill-wind. I respond with a “what?” and she repeats, “Everyone is sick in the waiting room.”
  • I give a pregnant pause here, trying to think back into the waiting room where no one was coughing or anything. Then I repeat her words. “Everyone is sick in the waiting room.” Not a question because I was already annoyed.
  • She responds, “Yes.” Then she looks pointedly, accusingly, at me and demands, “Are your hands clean?!” I’m taken aback again at her aggression. OK, you’re going to be like that. I’m losing it already so I give a somewhat sarcastic, but very slow, “I mean, I washed my hands?”
  • She seems to accept that and sits in the chair. She then tells me she brought her nightguard. This is normal and I’m relieved and hopeful that was all she wanted to get off her chest. So I take the guard back to have it cleaned and relay this ridiculous obnoxiousness to my coworkers who are hanging about in the back.
  • I then return, and decide to adopt my usual cheerfulness. I remember she was concerned about washing hands, so I make a show of doing so. The vibes emanating from my room are still extremely negative so I don’t even bother looking in there when I wash my hands, instead pretending to be nosy about my coworker’s room.
  • So I go in, fully intent on getting through this with the least amount of negativity and start putting on my gloves so we don’t waste any time. I ask the standard health update question and that’s where it all fell apart.
  • Me: “Any changes to your health, new medications, diagnoses…”
  • BP: “I’m on an antibiotic.”
  • Me (asking standard followup): “Oh? What are you taking it for?”
  • BP, scoffing: “A bacterial infection what ELSE do you take antibiotics for?”
  • Me (trying to keep it together): “What brought it on–“
  • BP, rolling her eyes to heaven: “I ALREADY told the front so that I wouldn’t have to repeat myself!”
  • Me (90% gone and struggling Hard so I start mixing up my words because now I’m having trouble seeing properly in my rage. I’ve noticed that these days I’ll revert to my mother’s tongue when I get angry): “Well, I still have to confirm verbally everything with the patient even if–“
  • BP: “IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DENTISTRY.”
  • Me: “Well it does (I’ll admit here I’m giving her a nasty look and my tone is no longer controlled) if it has to do with your heart–“
  • BP: “If it had to do with my jeart I wouldn’t BE HERE.”
  • Me: Trying to explain infective endocarditis and joint replacement infections and other infections that really do affect us–
  • BP: “Okay, it’s time for me to put these on.” **pops in her headphones to drown me out**
  • I stop and pause because I’m considering pulling a Sh-H and leaving the room to compose myself but realize that would cause more issues.
  • Intense muscular contractions due to rage. Like I want to punch a wall.
  • I tell myself that I’m just going to get this over with quickly because it still has to happen and then just give it to the doctor, so I lean her back so that I can get started
  • BP suddenly looks up at me with malice and mild panic saying, “NO ONE has EVER put me this far back before!!!”
  • I’m even more furious now, “Oh really?” Then I pause and ask, innocently, “Would you like me to put you up a bit?
  • BP: Nods vigorously and says, “Yes.”
  • I go on to swallow my furthering rage and say, my vision half white, “Well, it really impedes the way I work. The chair always makes you feel as though you’re on your head, but your head isn’t even lower than your feet.”
  • It is truth, though! I didn’t put her back any more than any other patient of mine. Why would I make a volatile situation even worse? She must have been paranoid that I did it because I was angry and that I could and like everyone else, was out to get her.
  • It took, no joke, 15-20 minutes to fully control the tremors in my muscles.
  • I just had to keep telling myself that I’m a better person than her, I’m a better person than what the demon on my shoulder wants me to be.
  • It’s hard when you have tiny razor blades in your hands. I won’t lie, the thought crossed (and crosses when ppl are so mean) my mind about jabbing it in lethal places. In a less fatal thought line, I debated heavily whether I should just be rough, like really rough, because she deserves it for being SUCH an entitled, petulant asshole to (no doubt) everyone she comes across. I mean, she’d never know, I’ve never seen her before. She could just think I’m a rough hygienist. Hah. I certainly look the part (most patients that have never seen me before have great fear in their eyes and many go as far as I beseech me to be gentle, lol).
  • Internal battle waged in my mind and in the end I decided that I can’t do that because I’m not that kind of person. I’m better than her, I’m better than my demon. I’m going to come out on top of this. It helped me a lot to calm down and remind myself over and over that once a patient is in my chair, no matter what person they are, they are my patient and I will treat them as such (i.e. like every other patient that graces my chair)
  • I remember thinking towards the end that she kept looking up at me for some reason and it might have been because I was surprisingly gentle.
  • In reality, it took so much effort to be as normal as possible. My rage kept coming in waves and I’d have to tamp it down each time it came up. I have an anger problem that I typically keep under wraps well (ESPECIALLY when it comes to patients), but I also have a resentment issue. It burns slow and strong. Honestly, I was probably more rough with her than I intended.
  • Afterwards, I tried to speak as normally as possible and you can bet your bottom dollar that I wasn’t expecting any sort gratefulness from her. I jet out of that room and never came back.

Haha. Instead, I went to go vent to my coworkers and managed to smack one of them so much harder than I meant to because I was steaming so badly and couldn’t control my muscles.

I still can’t believe I lost it the way I did. And in retrospect, it didn’t even sound that bad. I acknowledge that if those same words were spoken by somebody else without a resident demon in their soul, I more than likely would have just shrugged it off. You just had to have been there are talking to the vile snake with venom dripping from her always-out fangs.

Later, I was telling my doctor and she had a very similar story about her own reaction to that witch. It made me feel better because the both of us have similar anger issues and she said she, too, left that day with trembling muscles and white vision. She doesn’t even know why we have her here as a patient still.

The best part of this story? The patient scheduled 1 year’s worth of appointments and was on my schedule. I guess she didn’t perceive she was acting out of line at all. I was like, screw that, and shoved her into someone else’s schedule, are you kidding me? Who knows what I’d do the next time???

I can’t believe it took like a week to finish this post.