I don’t know

…why I bother reading the news. The whole government shutdown thing is so idiotic I can’t even begin to understand why it is even a legal course of action. Yeah, let’s use thousands of people’s lives as a bargaining chip to get what we want. Extremely petty.

Absolutely ridiculous. No consideration whatsoever for anyone’s well-being. Wouldn’t even entertain the idea that you could remove the furlough and continue to battle with the parties. Higher stakes, higher pay, right? And the worst part (as my boss was going on about at work the other day) is that it’s all stupid anyways because even after the shutdown is over (if ever…as Trump says it can go on forever as far as he’s concerned) they still will end up getting paid for what they DIDN’T or COULDN’T do. So….what’s the problem? It’s not like we’re saving any money and in fact, the biggest problem is a global economic meltdown. Government workers tend to have good pay, and so they spend money. Without them spending money, there’s no money moving around. Stores then cut worker hours, and it causes this cascading effect. Just like…a recession. Real Estate suffers too since at this point no one’s going to want to move to the area as they would fear government jobs in the unstable administration. I know I would after this. I mean, even with Obama there were several shutdowns.

It’s all 100% senseless and I can just FEEL the discontent emanating all around the area. Not necessarily in the people around me (none of them work for the government) but in the DMV area as a whole. It’s just brimming with negative energy, and it’s contagious.

Man, long nails are annoying, but I can’t trim them yet because I need some nails in order to work the air-water without busting the nail bed.

Liana seems to be adjusting to her disability rather well. She’s dependent upon the medication, and fell rather hard the other day, but she’s OK.

Had an interesting conversation yesterday with a patient regarding lack of children to take care of you or continue your legacy. Lack of any family members or spouse to be specific. I made her feel better, but yeah, it’s a thought I struggle with at times too.

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Tuesday once more

It is indeed work day again. Snow came! The first snow of 2019! Saturday afternoon and well into Monday at 8am. They initially said it would be from late Saturday night and into Sunday morning about 3 inches, but soon that blossomed into 8 inches. I didn’t actually measure this time around, but it came up to almost half-shin in the deepest areas, so that’s about right. Basically high enough that it’s hard to poop for the dogs. Liana barely cleared the snow height in her squat.

She did very well on the ice and snow. Somehow over the years I’d managed to instill joy in my dogs whenever it snows, so they’re always raring to go and hop in it. Miss Invalid even was able to run a bit in it. Adorable, although she was also in rather severe pain. Now I know why my older patients hate the cold. It isn’t kind on arthritic joints and such. My poor boy had to go slowly for her, but I can’t say that’s too bad a thing because he, too, is an old man.

Other than the snow, it was a typical weekend. Got some snow shoveling in which is amazing exercise, so I’m glad about that. I think it worked some on this blubber belly too. My back and shoulders feel nice and tight. For some reason, my allergies are going crazy. I put most of the Christmas stuff away finally, and got some quality Octopath Traveler time in. Very solid, very unique, yet familiar game. Voice acting is good, to boot. Managed to type and write as well, so all in all, I’d call this weekend a success. The only downside to all of it is that I spent monies. D: I had been going through my finances and paying bills on Saturday and ended up remembering I had gift cards I forgot about from my bank credit card. So I applied them and even found old ones from 2016 I never used. Holy crap. They still worked too! Free money. Not really, just forgotten money. Haha. It’s nice to be able to spend money but only a fraction of what it would have been. The only one I didn’t just spend a fraction on was from Hot Topic, but in the end it wasn’t full priced either (everything was on sale) because even though the online said it had “1 left!” it didn’t, so I got a refund for that amount and still scored free shipping.

Also, I won $30 off a $20 scratcher. Whoo!

Originally I had planned to leave the dogs this coming Saturday since my mom has off, and go down South to finish up some yard work and start packing some things/cleaning, but it seems we’re going to have some more weather events. I don’t know what’s wrong with that house…every time I plan to go in order to prepare it for sale, something happens to prevent my journey. I’ve been taking them as omens, but every time? Really? Is the world working against me? I guess we’ll have to see. There are minor things I forgot I still have to do there and then of course, getting the packing stuff going along.

Late today, so I have to wrap this up. I’d left extra time for the walk (15 minutes extra) owing to ice, but then didn’t factor in defrosting my car so I wouldn’t have to do it later, extra ice melt and the most time-consuming: clearing out the mailbox area. People are so dumb: let’s just throw all of our ice and snow IN FRONT OF THE MAILBOX so that the mail person can’t open it to put mail in it. You know, because no one wants to get their mail. So I fumed and while the car was warming, I shoveled an area for people to get their mail and for the mail person to use with vigor and anger. Good tool for strength.

First Workout of the year

Wasn’t very intense. Haha. Anticlimactic, I know. That’s how it’s done! Easing into it, because otherwise I tend to get put off and depressed about my physical shape. It’s a good thing I’ve been doing very minimal weights in the meantime to upkeep some of it. Mostly I just did weights, some stretching, fatigued the upper muscles a bit and then started hitting on Bob. Wow. I have to say that boxing or martial arts in general is amazingly tiring. I was already winded after one set of one-two punches. I’m not working on strength (that’s a heavy bag thing anyways), just form, technique (haha!!! funny to say that since I have no idea what the correct way to do it is), keeping my guard up (which is so easy to forget), and accuracy of hits. Footwork is the worst, but it seems to come naturally. Eventually I’ll incorporate dodges into it, but accuracy is the most important for me right now. Fatigue is a problem, too, but once again, baby steps. Next exercise night will focus on legs and more cardio. Bob will meet my feet the next go-around! Reminds me that I need to fill him more, though.

When I’m ready, I’ll start looking up techniques online and such, but for now, I’ll just play. And weapons! That’s be really fun too.

What to do about lack of books…I guess I could start my books over again…

BTW, “The Mountain” shirts are seriously my favorite. They’re extremely comfortable. I would like to get more, but I REALLY REALLY need to stay on the down-low with spending.

More crazy dreams that I can’t remember.

It’s Tuesday Again

And what a dismal financial state I’m in. As it usually is post-Christmas, but here we are again. Had a vet visit yesterday too that I’d been putting off because of moolas. Relatively good news all around there. I told them I’d been putting it off because it was so expensive, so they opted to not take x-rays and did a limited blood panel. Thank you! The doctor said she’s very positive that it’s arthritis. Unfortunately, it’s a progressive condition that will never get better, but it’s not osteo or anything too crazy. She also didn’t say it outright, but she told me that given her body and long-ness, amputation would not be indicated and hip replacement at this point is not indicated either. Just long term anti-inflammatories, glucosamine and TLC.

This whole government shutdown thing is just ridiculous and so very stressful even if I’m not directly impacted by it. It’s so overwhelmingly obnoxious, though. He’s such an idiot for putting all the people of the country he claims he’s “protecting” in jeopardy and turmoil simply because he can’t come to an agreement about his “wall.” How is everyone going to pay for mortgages, food, basic necessities? What about the nation’s security if all of our security personnel are expected to work their jobs without pay? It’s been over 2 weeks and he said he’d keep the government shut down years if that’s what it takes. There are other ways to do this. There’s a downstream effect, smart-ass, called economy. Ironically, since even TSA is affected, I’m sure bunches of illegal stuff is happening and no one’s catching it. If I was trying to smuggle things or slip into the country, I’d do it now, too, when it’s the weakest.

…maybe it’s a ploy? Hmmm.

I don’t even care about politics most of the time, but when it starts to affect people I care something for, then I pay attention. The area I live in is so heavily government workers, it’s hard not to know someone in it.

Took down the Christmas decorations yesterday. It’s always a sad event.

I also seem to have run out of books to read in the bathroom. D’oh! Need to find something else. The few minutes in the morning I have not entrenched in technology is important to me.

My dreams have been crazy, but I can’t seem to remember enough of them to write about it.

So glad it’s cold again! Seasonal!

What else…oh, I bought myself a BOB the trainer punching bag thing. It’s awesome. He feels great to punch with his plastisol “skin.” The bodily landmarks are cool to aim for, and the best part of him is his head! While very squat and small, it’s nice to have a landmark to hit! Height adjustable. I haven’t filled the base all the way yet (only half since the hose is turned off), but it’s still wonderful already. Kicks, punches…they have a food impact-feel. This week is when I’ll start working out again, officially for 2019. Tonight, actually. Bring it on, Bob! It was free, cuz gift cards.

Time to tighten the belt and hunker down with what I currently have.

Forgot to charge the ol’ battery on this.

bleh

I can’t help but feel like the joy in my life is getting sucked right out of me. What little joy there was to begin with, really. I know there’s so much more to be thankful for than sitting here counting my woes, but I still feel like it. Once I no longer have my house nor my dogs, will there be anything to look forward to? I’ve said before that once I no longer have them, I will travel. But it looks like I’ll be traveling alone because who will travel with me? I can go with my brother, but honestly, going with him after a while isn’t very fun. Speaking of him, since I’m apparently paying for him to stay at my house now (he claims that he’s only down there out of the kindness of his heart to take care of the place, but I know better than that), you would not believe the negative aura that pervaded the house when he was stuck up here for a week without going down. It was overwhelming like a keg about to explode. Then the first moment he got he hightailed it quickly and the house here suddenly wasn’t so oppressive with anticipation of something happening. It was calm again and my dogs stopped pacing the house. Can you imagine what it’s going to be like once  no longer have it?

And speaking of that, I’ve come to the point where that’s what I really want. I really really want be rid of my mortgage. I can no longer make the trip there with my dogs which in and of itself is so depressing, I don’t want to think about it. Looks like I’ll have to coming up soon, though, in order to take care of a few things.

A couple goals that I have coming up, here: set the selling into motion by securing a storage unit, try to clear up the debts that I have (can’t do all of that until the house is sold, for better or worse), try to do CPR so I don’t have to endure it with you-know-who, and figure out the vet visit. It all comes down to….money. Again. As always. I figure since I usually take off around my birthday, I’ll try to coordinate it all around then. The house needs cleaning, like big time. I still need to finish one last backyard thing and I don’t know what to do about the mulch. I guess I’ll just go buy some and do it as I’ve always done. The windows are really gross and need cleaning, but the cleaning is minor. I’ll get Stanley Steamer to come after it’s all over, patch up some walls. That kind of thing. Man, it’s such a hassle being basically a landlord. I don’t know if I can rely on my brother because sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn’t. Just like my sister. I hate being around unreliable people.

I already feel a headache coming on. Geez.

In the meantime, Liana is driving me crazy because she’s bored. I’m afraid to take her out to the park since I don’t know if I’m going to need to carry her back, you know? I’m so out of shape right now too. It’s a sad life, it’s true. She doesn’t really care about squirrels anymore because she can’t chase them. She doesn’t play. At least she likes treats still. Sometimes. For such a high energy dog, this must be absolute torture for her. Plus the car thing. I’m terrified of her falling while I drive. Speaking of which, I need to call the vet. I’ve been staying away from that too because it’s going to be like $500.

Man, I can’t do this. It’s all so depressing. I pay off debt, I get more. I pay off, I get more. It’s never ending. To sell a house, you have to spend money. Don’t try to grow up too fast, kids. It’s not as fun as you think.

Wednesday

Welp. It’s back to work. Surprisingly I didn’t have too hard a time waking up, despite it being so dark and dreary. Again. I’m just glad that New Year’s day itself was dry. Something is currently wrong with one of my eyes. It’s probably allergies since my throat feels allergy-scratchy and I’ve been having some minor sinus stuff. Oh man, you know what? It’s probably the tabletop tree. It’s been warm in the house. Happens every year.

The dogs seem to know that I’m going back to work today. My body seems to know, but my soul refuses to accept it. At least with the government shut down and school still out for a few more days, traffic won’t be bad at all. Work might be busy today…

I don’t want to go back. To work, I mean. Huh. I just remembered some more dreams from last night. I literally just now posted in RW dream blog. Funny how things come back to me like that, but now I won’t have time to re-update it.

I’m starting to feel like I’m busting at the seams again, being around my family for too long a period of time. I don’t mind my mom, but I didn’t realize how having my brother around a lot these days has a negative impact on life. That will all change once I sell, too. Geez. I was lamenting to my mom about the crossroads I’m going to be at once I sell the house. We were talking about retirement and that’s really what I’m worried about. Then again, if I do end up going to dental school, I will have to be the one paying for someone’s retirement at some point. Part of the reason you don’t want to keep your workers around too long: raises and pensions and 401Ks and healthcare. Money. I wonder if this is what my bosses think of?  I mean, it is the nature of my job. And since I’m apparently going to be a crazy dog lady and men don’t really care for me anyways, this is serious stuff to think about. Either I find a different job through a large company, or I go do my own thing, or I get a lot smarter about my finances right now, or I start seriously hunting for a man. Or the lottery. Just start playing like a lot.

I dreamed that I’d won $9 million the other night. It then downgraded to $1 million, but I’ll take that too and squirrel it away for the future.

2019

Happy New Year!! It is the year 2019! My birthday is fast approaching again and here we are, doing it again!

My first impressions? This is probably going to be a repeat of last year. Usually, I can hear the highway outside my window, but for two days of the year: Christmas and New Year’s. Well. This season is different. I heard nothing the day after Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve. It was loud already this morning and Christmas day was already busy too when I awoke. Funny how it changes. At least it didn’t rain this morning, but it’s damp and squishy outside from all the rain yesterday.

Liana has been lying down, standing up, lying down, standing up for the last 30 minutes. I think her leg hurts because the first thing that happened this morning as we were going for our walk was Gable ran down so quickly he knocked her down again. At the time I was juggling whether or not to stick with my long standing tradition of going to the park as soon as I wake on New Year’s. It’s wet, soggy, and I’m afraid of driving with her in the car these days. On the other hand, it’s not too far, and a little mud has never stopped us before, plus…tradition!! As soon as that happened, though, it was like an omen. A message. And so, our New Year starts off with a normal, slow and somewhat depressing walk.

Turns out she wanted the bed Gable was lying on and not the one next to my bed because it has more room and is less fuzzy and therefore hot. Ah, yeah, that’s the other thing: it is HOT for the New Year! I walked out in my big coat and beanie and good grief it’s muggy and hot. Figures.

I should do a 2018 overview, but let me discuss briefly Christmas. First off, it was too quick. I mean, I go back to work tomorrow! I can’t believe that an entire 11 days has gone by already! Where did it go? I had stayed to wait for my mom and ferry her down South (Christmas was on Tuesday). When we got there it was a whirlwind of cooking because my sister was coming. I was tired from watching Liana refuse to lie down on the entire ride down, and braking so hard because of a squirrel that Gable gouged my armrest as well as my thigh (nice scrape and bruise there) but life doesn’t stop! We needed more things, so my brother and I drove around looking for any store that was open. South is not like North. NOTHING WAS OPEN except for CVS. Other people were driving around looking, too and everyone ended at CVS. Then they finally came and stuff happened, aka, the baby happened. He ran ran ran everywhere like a monkey. The food turned out not as usual, since all we had was pork this year (beef was expensive! More than double the price of the pork), and since the time was so limited, there wasn’t nearly as much food as Thanksgiving. Before we knew it, they left to go represent us at my relative’s gathering, though everyone was tired. The next day, my brother and I got to witness first hand Target apprehending a shoplifter. It was pretty awesome. We stayed 2 nights before coming back early Thursday morning. Interesting ride back, there: we forced Liana to lay down because I knew she wouldn’t on her own, and my mom took it upon herself to basically immobilize her the entire ride. Funny to think about. The rest of the time was a whirlwind of video games, eating at Hibachi buffet with relatives, and last-minute oil change. Nothing too crazy, but still managed to be too quick. I guess I usually like these holidays to be video game filled routine days. Let me tell you, this is the most I’ve ever slept, I think. Waking up at 9am every day? That’s insane! I never wake up that late. Every time I wanted to try and take them to the park, I just could not get up! I have that much sleep debt? Anyways, here I am. It’s 9:30am, the earliest day I’ve woken up for a week! Exactly! Christmas was the last time I woke up before 8am. The size of my belly probably has something to say about that too. LOL.

So, 2018 in overview: Well, not too much happened, really. Everyone got older, especially my dogs. I’d say that Liana developed lameness, but honestly, I think she’s always had it. Time just caught up and her body is not as it used to be. Gable seems to be doing okay, but he’s older, more incontinent, and his limbs aren’t as sturdy either…just not Liana-grade unsteady. Yet. I got record-breaking sick in 2018. The very first of the year I was already sick with a 3-week long cold. Then every few weeks after that I was sick again and again. I got into my very first car accident around my birthday, I got my very first tick bite. I stopped going to church regularly around halfway through the year because I stopped being able to stand Father “Screamer” and his ridiculous homilies. Right after my nephew’s Baptism. My working out and body improvement came back with a vengeance, though thwarted all year long by my varied and many sicknesses. It was probably the most healthy I’d been in a few years and yet I was always sick. Still, I managed to become very strong, my body much more efficient at building less bulky muscle while keeping the strength. My weight stayed about the same all year until the holidays (right now I have a serious pooch going on) and I’m afraid to weigh myself. My finances didn’t get that much worse, but it definitely didn’t get much better either. I had some seriously large expenses that would occur over and over, every time I thought I was done paying off things. Still working on it. I’m making good headway, but still struggling. It rained. A lot. Like, 50% of the year, statistically speaking. No joke. I decided once and for all to sell my house. I’d been on the fence for a long time because of Liana, but now that she’s the way she is, I am terrified to make the trip by myself and while both dogs still love that yard, I can no longer justify it any more. I need to sell before the market plunges too, and consolidate my finances so I can deal with the debts and save up for once. My creativity started blooming again, though technology still enjoys stealing me away. I started reading books once more, even if they’re kid books. 2018 mostly saw me depressed, though. I’m not sure if it made me depressed, or what, but I’m just not happy and carefree like I used to be. The state of my dogs, the finances, thinking about the future, everything. The rain. The government. Very depressing.

So, looking ahead, what are my goals and plans for 2019?

  1. Sell my house. This is probably the biggest and most important goal this year. I’m thinking around my birthday, just like when I bought it. Apparently this year, the entry-level home market is good, while the expensive homes are having trouble. First-time buyers are looking. There are things that need to be done before I can do that, and I don’t know what I can do because as I said before, I am terrified of driving down with Liana the stubborn lady that she is. Plus, to sell, you need to spend. Not just on the storage unit and moving truck and labor, but fixing things, mulch, trying to salvage my yard. That kind of thing.
  2. Get into and keep fit. This is going to be the goal every year. I’ve been so close to success with this, I KNOW it can be done. Gotta work of this holiday poundage!
  3. More creativity! Similarly to keeping in shape, I know this is doable because I was successful in 2018 jumpstarting this again. Do it more!
  4. More reading, less technology. I’ve been noticing that the more time I spend on Facebook, the more negative I get. Limiting that will surely improve my outlook. Reading opens my mind and helps tremendously with the creativity. Maybe I can dust off my library card again? I just wish the libraries around here were more focused on escapist fiction. They purge their books like crazy. I wonder why?
  5. FINANCES. Good grief, woman, do something about the money! Getting rid of the mortgage is going to help with that, but let’s think about that spending, shall we? My dogs aren’t going to last too much longer, so the death costs have to be taken into consideration.
  6. Positivity? Yeaaah, I dunno about this one. I’ll try, but my nature is that of a pessimist realist. And if life would stop throwing curveballs at me, maybe it’d be easier to be happy. I know I spend an inordinate amount of time wallowing, but hey.
  7. Thinking about the future. Let’s face it, without the prospect of a husband and dual income, I’m screwed. I can’t continue the way I am and expect to retire at all. I mean, I can, but that would mean being a serious miser. Without my dogs that’d be easier, too, since I spend about half of my income on them, but what would life be for me? I need to figure out what I want and how to get to that. Selling the house will create a major crossroad in my life. Maybe that’s why I’ve been putting it off for so long. Not to mention, I don’t know what to do about my mom. If I go to dental school and slog through all of that, I will (eventually) be able to provide for her comfortably…but at what expense? My happiness now hinges on my lack of responsibility. I know exactly what that all brings and what stresses…the very thing I’ve sworn since a child to avoid. That is my happiness.

Bah. Looking back on last year, I did well with the physical fitness, the mind power. The spirit was an overall failure, though arguably successful too. My heart? Neither a success nor a failure, which irons out to be, success. I’m content and happy, with a few wishes, but overall my heart is steady and best of all, accepting. It has some iron in it yet again. I think I’ll just be a crazy dog lady forever. I give up.

OK, wish me luck!