Category: work

This Car

Let me point out this car:

Yes, that old Ford Ranger. Notice all the open spaces around it. Now where I took this from is where I’m currently parked near the dumpster. I’ve been parking in this spot since when I started working here because I like to park far away from other people and no one likes to park near a dumpster.

Fast forward to 2018 or so. Ranger Lady shows up. Parks in my unofficial spot. I’m like okay. I always try to give people a buffer of one spot for courtesy because, well, that’s why I park far from people. Basically she started feuding with me. I’d come before she gets there and park in my usual spot and she’d get upset and squeeze in smack next to me despite (as you see in the picture) many many other open spots to choose from. When I get here early like today, I lay my seat back and bum on my phone. Sometimes I’d get to experience her anger and I’ve caught her staring into my car after getting out of hers too, only to see me inside of it. It’s fun to push annoying people’s buttons.

Most of the time I don’t care because it’s just a parking spot but then she does something annoying. I’ll just park somewhere else. Someone has to be the bigger person.

So then I come in to see this gem today. That spot she’s in is about where I park these days. Maybe she got bored because I stopped playing with her? Maybe she’s trying to start something again? Whatever the reason, I’m back parking in my spot again because it’s open. Why not.

I can’t wait to see where she will be later or tomorrow.

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Blurgh

After suffering 3 days of ridiculous heat with no A/C at work, I officially don’t feel well. Thankfully it’s cool out again, which of course, people were complaining about. By the middle of day 2 of that, I was starting to recall bad memories of having to endure such conditions the last 5 or so summers with my dad. In this case, there was always the prospect of coming home and not having to sleep through it, but it brought everything back nonetheless. So, I guess it’s a physical but also psychological thing. Interestingly enough, at the worst point of the heat on day 2, my old defenses kicked in and I no longer felt the hot. However, those defenses come with a side-effect…it’s akin to PTSD which, I guess, is like a defense mechanism to trauma. I have had no need or desire to talk much at all since I’ve been home. I feel like a ghost and a zombie at the same time. I want to do nothing, go nowhere. The only thing that can make me happy are my dogs. Similarly, I was getting annoyed at work with everyone constantly complaining about the heat, my brain setting on tough, and ticked by the fact that no one else could force themselves to be like me and just use a mental shield to block it from affecting them.

I know what’s happening, my mind is perfectly sharp and normal, but the disinterest and irritation about those around me is hard to control. The question is, how long will it take for me to bust loose from these bonds? It’s been 2 days now in recovery. My patience tank capacity these days is quite large and it doesn’t fill as quickly as it used to, but it’s times like these when it does go more quickly.

I did manage, in my zombie haze, to finish Ni No Kuni 2: Revenant Kingdom (PS4). The game itself is good, though a mishmash of multiple, different game concepts. I played it mostly on Japanese dub, but switched back to English at the end. A deluge of side quests (whoo!) bordering on excessive and relatively easy leveling system. The story has a few holes and an interesting but inconsequential twist at the end, but solid, albeit naïve and unrealistic. For an RPG there was no real need to full-on grind, although there is an optional very high level “dreamer maze” which seems pointless to try and beat. The post-game content is disappointing. The kingdom leveling up system was really very fun and even tedious, similar to Fable 3, and of course, being me, I just HAD to go as far as I could. Post-game recruited all 100 citizens which allowed upgrade to level 4 kingdom, but it really was extremely disappointing that the kingdom didn’t expand at all and there were only a few, and I mean a few, upgrades and pointless research for armor. Even the extra side quests were too complex to make me want to do them. I cheated and looked up the last Dreamer Maze which ends with a Level 95 boss. My characters are level 67 and that was already over-leveled for the final boss. Beh. Not worth it. There’s this army battle portion of the game which initially I hated, but ended up loving. One of your running enemies is a bandit named Tyran, well, let’s just say that I was expecting some amazing battle at level 60 or 70 with him, but IT’S NOT THERE. Very dull post-game. Great game, though, and certainly recommended! I learned later that Studio Ghibli had a hand in the first Ni No Kuni, which makes me want to try it, but alas, it’s for PS3 and Sony is not friendly to backwards compatibility.

 

I Don’t want to go to woooork

It was so hot there yesterday I do NOT want to go back. Man I haven’t complained about not wanting to go to work in while! It is very taxing whenever there is no Air Conditioning for the patients, but mostly for the clinicians. Patients sit through it and their endurance is decreased noticeably, but for the clinicians who are the ones with the physical workload it’s crazy awful. I was extremely tired yesterday as heat tends to make me sleepy (like going to the beach) and was falling asleep with my last patient. Tack onto it the ever present danger of bees/wasps coming through the window and BOOM. I’m not just afraid of bees, I am phobic of them and unfortunately one got in and graced us with its presence (only operatory it came in to, figures…) which meant panic attack for me. I tried hard to be professional about it but the panic just took over and I lost it. I am not afraid of pretty much anything else that moves (like for most people rodents, snakes, spiders…) but bees. I can’t. I just can’t!!!! And I couldn’t forget it either! It was awful to show that side of me. Bees are attracted to me and they sting me too. I put together a list of people I can run to in the event another one shows up.

I’m embarrassed thinking back on it now, how I acted, but that’s why I say I’m rather phobic of them. The cold sweat comes instantly, the hyperventilating, the wide eyes, the dilated pupils…I panic. The interesting thing is that it’s amazing how many bee stories I have since they seem to love me. Either that or I’m so terrified of them, each encounter with a bee/wasp is fully ingrained in my mind.

 

10 years ago

10 years ago, I posted this gem:

Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to. Just because you have to doesn’t mean you should. Just because you should doesn’t mean you can.

I wonder why I posted that, but hey, it’s true, right? rrriiiight?

To pick up from the other day, basically Easter was spent cooking and waiting around for my sister who didn’t show up and then called around 6 to say she wasn’t coming, but would drop by the next day to pick up food. …ok…. but then didn’t come the next day either. You know, it would’ve been nice of her to have taken 30 seconds out of her busy schedule to let everyone know that her thing was running over instead of no one knowing anything and wondering if anything’s wrong. You know how it is, waiting around for people…it’s tiring! And of course not having them show up at all is just irritating. Anyways, the food this year was good and to be perfectly honest, it might have been better if she hadn’t come because my mom made all 3 of us sick. Yes, it’s true that allergies abound everyone around here is coughing, sneezing, sniffling, but ours has a distinctly viral/bacterial flair to it. It says A LOT when my brother gets sick too because men in general just don’t get sick as often as women, and he’s no exception.

Only that he’s on this weird “natural” kick thing.

Got to spend Saturday down Soooouuuttth where I’d forgotten my giftcards so I couldn’t do the mulch thing, but I was able to edge around the trees, dismantle the table and vacuum up all of the broken glass. Then I moved the beds around and did some much needed laundry. Getting there! I know everyone is sad at the prospect of me selling the place….like really, everyone is sad except me. My mom repeatedly says she wishes we had enough money to keep it, my brother is spending more and more time down there…he honestly should just move down there, my neighbor is really sad about me moving because then he can’t let his dog take advantage of the yard, and my dogs! Oh my, how to explain to them they won’t be able to run around there anymore…?   It really is a nice place. I mean, where are you going to find a 2 car garage, level driveway, huge kitchen and THE YARD!!! I am going to be SO SAD to not have a place to dig my hands into the dirt. In truth I am the saddest one of all. My treasure, my abode that I never got to live in…my very own, my first place. The single owner of that house. I know that in a few years when they finally open it up to recreation (the reservoir I mean) that the property values are going to soar. Tack on top of it all the explosion in business around the area and it’s the perfect storm. If I wait until then I could make so much money, but right now I’m bleeding so much money, I just want it gone so that I can save up money and pay off the rest of my debts. Plus, the onus of worry that is upon me forever not being able to be at the place is just astounding. I LOVE being able to just escape and go somewhere else away, but it’s just not financially feasible.

The interesting part of this is that I can’t be without a mortgage for too long because my income tax would be out of this world (not really. As long as I know how much I need to save up, it would still be saving money)…and not only that, but I get itchy hands and will want a place of my own soon. I won’t last a year more than likely.

Working while you’re sick is just poop. Today is much better already, but the allergy portion (my car had a beautiful green layer on it) is still working on me. I think I’ll be able to talk more today and I’ll have to given the roster of patients.

The weather is going insane. I think it’s broken. Yesterday was 70 then it plummeted to freezing last night and now it’s sitting at 33 degrees and then tomorrow it’ll be almost 80 and then snow on Saturday. What. The. Heck. Whatever. I’m sick currently and would like to get unsick so I’ll be dressing warmly, thanks.

Wish me luck for work today. i hate hate hate Thursdays.

RAGE

Friday! Well that came quick!

I spent yesterday morning in a rage because Idiot at work makes me SO ANGRY. Actually it was an unfortunate chain of events.

  1. My first patient was strangely grumpy (I’m starting to see why people like to see the same hygienist every time they come as opposed to different ones…I’ve been getting back some of mine that had been seeing other hygienists and they all exhibit the same mannerisms that I’m not used to: usually chill patients are suddenly nervous, especially when I come to certain areas in their mouths, they tremble a little when I’m working, they’re impatient and intolerant. This is all in opposition to the ones that have remained on my schedule with me) and nervous. That makes my life much more difficult when patients don’t trust me and don’t readily give me full reign of their mouth. 
  2. My doctor was taking her sweet time. What’s the difference here? She does this often and it annoys the heck out of me. However…
  3. Idiot was busy doing her chair jump habit which meant that I have no extra chair to go to. Things were going OK because our 2 patients were in the waiting room together still.
  4. My patient’s wife was already being seen. I hate when couples come together. I really do. When one spouse is seen, it makes the other one really impatient, a what-about-me mentality. Stress level and anger level greatly rising.
  5. 15 minutes in, doctor has JUST started doing the exam. 
  6. Cue Idiot who despite the fact that she’s getting an exam done in another room goes to get her next patient back because the assistant is too nice and always cleans her room even though she’s constantly using both rooms. That leaves just my patient in the waiting room.
  7. Finally done with my exam, but now they’re standing there, just talking. 
  8. 20 minutes late. I run into the room and start speed breaking down. Very upset now because no one has any respect for my schedule in the least. And who’s going to clean MY room, huh? I have to do it myself.
  9. I head to the back and ready myself to come back, since I always make my tray while waiting, I go to grab it. IT’S NOT FREAKING THERE. Guess who decided to take it? AGAIN. Rage level is almost at breaking point. I grab the tray that’s not mine and run for it.
  10. I run back to my chair. My previous patient and doctor have made it to the door but are still talking. Clean clean clean, make sure to slam as many things as possible. Trying to vent as much of my anger and quickly as possible before I bring back the next patient.
  11. I go to get him, but my patient is STILL THERE AND BLOCKING THE DOOR.
  12. She opens it and continues to talk to my doctor. I see my next patient who has gotten up and is about to ask the front desk about his appointment. I raise my voice above my prior patient’s back and call him back before he can say anything. I’m pretty sure it comes out as a bark and a command.
  13. He strolls back and I’m struggling to bring down the rage inside me. We start the appointment quickly and luckily for me he does something unintentionally hilarious and it helps me calm down.
  14. Idiot has been spouting idiocy nonstop the entire appointment. I don’t have time to get more upset with it, but it keeps my anger and rage simmering. My patient is a great patient. Large mouth, easy to see.
  15. Finally I’m almost done, but the floss that was on the tray I very rarely ever use because it gets stuck on some people. Unluckily for me, I manage to fray it and get it stuck in 2 of his teeth. Anger and frustration return instantly and I’m unable to maintain my relative calm attitude. I carefully solve the problem, and then go back with regular floss and remove the frayed pieces stuck.
  16. OK, done, finally. Idiot is still not doing work at all, just yakking. I’m about to leave and wash my hands of it all because THANK GOD I made it through without killing anyone, when my patient turns to me and asks my name. Not an uncommon question, so I tell him. Then. Then. He asks me the questions I LOATHE, DESPISE, HATE people asking me: “No, what’s your REAL name?” I give him a blank stare and a “huh?” So he asks again, “What’s your Chinese name?” I knew it. I must have given him a withering look (I have my mask on so you can only see my eyes) because he starts to falter a bit. ONCE AGAIN, I’m struggling to control my anger (i can feel my hands shaking and my chest is going to burst) as I respond with a shrug that it’s my real name. So then he asks once more, “what’s your family name?” I pause again for effect and the snarl behind my mask. “Oh you mean my last name?” He says yes so I respond and  get the HELL OUT. With speed.

I am SO ANGRY so I find my closest target, friend coworker and start griping to her about it. Apparently I was getting loud because she told me my patient was looking at me and then told me to go eat cheesecake. I rush into the breakroom, find my other coworker and start venting again, this time I could care LESS who hears me, in fact I want her to hear me, the entitled ass cow. Another coworker arrives and they manage to calm me down by volunteering food. I start thinking about doughnuts and fries and instantly I’m calm. Crazy, huh? I was fine the entire rest of the day.

Back to it

3 day week, this week, with no word of makeup day as of yet…but I know it’s coming because work on Friday was a DISASTER. One power outage right after my first patient, and then sitting around for a bit, and then it came back one for about 30 minutes before yet AGAIN it goes out. I swore up and down that it’d come right back one, but it didn’t for over 2 hours. By then the day was pretty much gone with no real hope of it coming back. The doctors were improvising to finish their procedures in the dark with no power, while we just all sat around being paid to do absolutely nothing and make no money whatsoever. By the time they sent everyone home, the power came back on and I was the only one left just in case it did come back. So I managed to see 2 more patients before we truly called it a day. Sounds like an easy time, but I couldn’t believe how tired I was afterwards, like I was super stressed out the whole time, which I probably was. 4 hours of patients completely lost. My bosses were stressed, but he is always better than her who just about lost it. I mean, what can you do? It’s not something you can be warned about or know about! You just deal with what it is.

Before I left, I spent time talking to her about how I’ve been tossing around the idea of going back to dental school, given the inevitable sale of my house. She and I have zero doubt of my ability and getting through it is not the problem. Inconveniences before in preparation, hurdles during, but it’s the after I’m very afraid of. The sale of my house will help smooth over any finance issues, but I would still apply for student loans nonetheless. The real issue is that being a dentist or any doctor like that is a major commitment, and one that I would be 100% “STUCK” with forever after that. Gone would be my carefree days of no responsibility. Days like the power outage day will cause me undue stress like it causes her instead of my “whatever” mindset as not-the-boss. I’m sick? It’s ok, don’t come in. Vacation? Go for it. Terrible patient? Not my problem after I’m done with the cleaning. Dog is sick? You’re fine, go deal with it. The practice hasn’t ground to a halt yet.

The reality is that once again, of course, of COURSE, I could handle it all, and especially now having practiced in the field for a good amount of time, I know some of the tricks and what to expect and I wouldn’t go in with this idealistic mindset of being a glamorous and cool dentist because I understand the reality of life and the ins and outs of it all. I’d be mentally and physically more prepared than any of my peers unless they had the same experiences. HOWEVER….however….my heart is not there. In this moment in time, that is the absolutely best time to ever accomplish a goal such as this, I just don’t want it enough. I DO NOT WANT IT 100%. I’m cool with the idea 30% even maybe 50%, but I am not at all committed. The mediocre current could sweep my feet out from under me and I’d run and hide under my rock. It’s just that given the perfect storm, if I didn’t choose it now, I’d be hard pressed to find another opportunity in my life to do it again. It would solve financial issues, it would solve relatives’ expectation issues, it would solve society-and peer-influenced-expectation and goal issues, it would more than likely solve future-mate-relationship issues (I tend to attract the males around me if I hang out around them long enough), it would allow me the opportunity to do dental school the correct way unlike the experience I had in hygiene school.

I…I still don’t want it right now. I just don’t. I like being carefree. I make a very decent amount of money now even not working anywhere near full time.

Wow look at the time!!!

Werk

Sitting around at work bc I’m waiting for a patient and I have no appetite. Hiding in the breakroom in order to cough in peace. Lol. Thankfully whatever I have isn’t too bad…yet. My brain functions fine and as long as I dont try to talk too much it’s all Ok. A little fuddled from sudafed noyhing special. I’m hoping and praying that it doesn’t devolve into a sinus problem like it always does. I’d rather not miss work if I don’t have to. Paid bills this morning and I’m not too bad off for the Christmas season….only 1k out. That’s 1k more than I’d like and once again our 3 millionaire raffle tickets came up bust but completely doable. Now if only I wasn’t looking at another 1k for my car coming up here…not to mention the dogs’ exams in the spring. I really really want to try and save something this year…which I didn’t put in my resolution list. Last year was so bad off I’m still reeling and trying to recover. The selling of my house will help a lot and get me started on IRA and maybe some minor investment. And getting my mom a new car too. Then after that it’s my turn to find that placr for myself. The prospect is so very exciting.

Cough cough cough. Time has been moving very slowly for me most likely because my blood pressure and heart rates are so high up. I’m on super alert! Sudafed can make me crazy in a simlar way to Coke. Hyptertension Girl!