Friday! Well that came quick!

I spent yesterday morning in a rage because Idiot at work makes me SO ANGRY. Actually it was an unfortunate chain of events.

  1. My first patient was strangely grumpy (I’m starting to see why people like to see the same hygienist every time they come as opposed to different ones…I’ve been getting back some of mine that had been seeing other hygienists and they all exhibit the same mannerisms that I’m not used to: usually chill patients are suddenly nervous, especially when I come to certain areas in their mouths, they tremble a little when I’m working, they’re impatient and intolerant. This is all in opposition to the ones that have remained on my schedule with me) and nervous. That makes my life much more difficult when patients don’t trust me and don’t readily give me full reign of their mouth. 
  2. My doctor was taking her sweet time. What’s the difference here? She does this often and it annoys the heck out of me. However…
  3. Idiot was busy doing her chair jump habit which meant that I have no extra chair to go to. Things were going OK because our 2 patients were in the waiting room together still.
  4. My patient’s wife was already being seen. I hate when couples come together. I really do. When one spouse is seen, it makes the other one really impatient, a what-about-me mentality. Stress level and anger level greatly rising.
  5. 15 minutes in, doctor has JUST started doing the exam. 
  6. Cue Idiot who despite the fact that she’s getting an exam done in another room goes to get her next patient back because the assistant is too nice and always cleans her room even though she’s constantly using both rooms. That leaves just my patient in the waiting room.
  7. Finally done with my exam, but now they’re standing there, just talking. 
  8. 20 minutes late. I run into the room and start speed breaking down. Very upset now because no one has any respect for my schedule in the least. And who’s going to clean MY room, huh? I have to do it myself.
  9. I head to the back and ready myself to come back, since I always make my tray while waiting, I go to grab it. IT’S NOT FREAKING THERE. Guess who decided to take it? AGAIN. Rage level is almost at breaking point. I grab the tray that’s not mine and run for it.
  10. I run back to my chair. My previous patient and doctor have made it to the door but are still talking. Clean clean clean, make sure to slam as many things as possible. Trying to vent as much of my anger and quickly as possible before I bring back the next patient.
  11. I go to get him, but my patient is STILL THERE AND BLOCKING THE DOOR.
  12. She opens it and continues to talk to my doctor. I see my next patient who has gotten up and is about to ask the front desk about his appointment. I raise my voice above my prior patient’s back and call him back before he can say anything. I’m pretty sure it comes out as a bark and a command.
  13. He strolls back and I’m struggling to bring down the rage inside me. We start the appointment quickly and luckily for me he does something unintentionally hilarious and it helps me calm down.
  14. Idiot has been spouting idiocy nonstop the entire appointment. I don’t have time to get more upset with it, but it keeps my anger and rage simmering. My patient is a great patient. Large mouth, easy to see.
  15. Finally I’m almost done, but the floss that was on the tray I very rarely ever use because it gets stuck on some people. Unluckily for me, I manage to fray it and get it stuck in 2 of his teeth. Anger and frustration return instantly and I’m unable to maintain my relative calm attitude. I carefully solve the problem, and then go back with regular floss and remove the frayed pieces stuck.
  16. OK, done, finally. Idiot is still not doing work at all, just yakking. I’m about to leave and wash my hands of it all because THANK GOD I made it through without killing anyone, when my patient turns to me and asks my name. Not an uncommon question, so I tell him. Then. Then. He asks me the questions I LOATHE, DESPISE, HATE people asking me: “No, what’s your REAL name?” I give him a blank stare and a “huh?” So he asks again, “What’s your Chinese name?” I knew it. I must have given him a withering look (I have my mask on so you can only see my eyes) because he starts to falter a bit. ONCE AGAIN, I’m struggling to control my anger (i can feel my hands shaking and my chest is going to burst) as I respond with a shrug that it’s my real name. So then he asks once more, “what’s your family name?” I pause again for effect and the snarl behind my mask. “Oh you mean my last name?” He says yes so I respond and  get the HELL OUT. With speed.

I am SO ANGRY so I find my closest target, friend coworker and start griping to her about it. Apparently I was getting loud because she told me my patient was looking at me and then told me to go eat cheesecake. I rush into the breakroom, find my other coworker and start venting again, this time I could care LESS who hears me, in fact I want her to hear me, the entitled ass cow. Another coworker arrives and they manage to calm me down by volunteering food. I start thinking about doughnuts and fries and instantly I’m calm. Crazy, huh? I was fine the entire rest of the day.


Back to it

3 day week, this week, with no word of makeup day as of yet…but I know it’s coming because work on Friday was a DISASTER. One power outage right after my first patient, and then sitting around for a bit, and then it came back one for about 30 minutes before yet AGAIN it goes out. I swore up and down that it’d come right back one, but it didn’t for over 2 hours. By then the day was pretty much gone with no real hope of it coming back. The doctors were improvising to finish their procedures in the dark with no power, while we just all sat around being paid to do absolutely nothing and make no money whatsoever. By the time they sent everyone home, the power came back on and I was the only one left just in case it did come back. So I managed to see 2 more patients before we truly called it a day. Sounds like an easy time, but I couldn’t believe how tired I was afterwards, like I was super stressed out the whole time, which I probably was. 4 hours of patients completely lost. My bosses were stressed, but he is always better than her who just about lost it. I mean, what can you do? It’s not something you can be warned about or know about! You just deal with what it is.

Before I left, I spent time talking to her about how I’ve been tossing around the idea of going back to dental school, given the inevitable sale of my house. She and I have zero doubt of my ability and getting through it is not the problem. Inconveniences before in preparation, hurdles during, but it’s the after I’m very afraid of. The sale of my house will help smooth over any finance issues, but I would still apply for student loans nonetheless. The real issue is that being a dentist or any doctor like that is a major commitment, and one that I would be 100% “STUCK” with forever after that. Gone would be my carefree days of no responsibility. Days like the power outage day will cause me undue stress like it causes her instead of my “whatever” mindset as not-the-boss. I’m sick? It’s ok, don’t come in. Vacation? Go for it. Terrible patient? Not my problem after I’m done with the cleaning. Dog is sick? You’re fine, go deal with it. The practice hasn’t ground to a halt yet.

The reality is that once again, of course, of COURSE, I could handle it all, and especially now having practiced in the field for a good amount of time, I know some of the tricks and what to expect and I wouldn’t go in with this idealistic mindset of being a glamorous and cool dentist because I understand the reality of life and the ins and outs of it all. I’d be mentally and physically more prepared than any of my peers unless they had the same experiences. HOWEVER….however….my heart is not there. In this moment in time, that is the absolutely best time to ever accomplish a goal such as this, I just don’t want it enough. I DO NOT WANT IT 100%. I’m cool with the idea 30% even maybe 50%, but I am not at all committed. The mediocre current could sweep my feet out from under me and I’d run and hide under my rock. It’s just that given the perfect storm, if I didn’t choose it now, I’d be hard pressed to find another opportunity in my life to do it again. It would solve financial issues, it would solve relatives’ expectation issues, it would solve society-and peer-influenced-expectation and goal issues, it would more than likely solve future-mate-relationship issues (I tend to attract the males around me if I hang out around them long enough), it would allow me the opportunity to do dental school the correct way unlike the experience I had in hygiene school.

I…I still don’t want it right now. I just don’t. I like being carefree. I make a very decent amount of money now even not working anywhere near full time.

Wow look at the time!!!


Sitting around at work bc I’m waiting for a patient and I have no appetite. Hiding in the breakroom in order to cough in peace. Lol. Thankfully whatever I have isn’t too bad…yet. My brain functions fine and as long as I dont try to talk too much it’s all Ok. A little fuddled from sudafed noyhing special. I’m hoping and praying that it doesn’t devolve into a sinus problem like it always does. I’d rather not miss work if I don’t have to. Paid bills this morning and I’m not too bad off for the Christmas season….only 1k out. That’s 1k more than I’d like and once again our 3 millionaire raffle tickets came up bust but completely doable. Now if only I wasn’t looking at another 1k for my car coming up here…not to mention the dogs’ exams in the spring. I really really want to try and save something this year…which I didn’t put in my resolution list. Last year was so bad off I’m still reeling and trying to recover. The selling of my house will help a lot and get me started on IRA and maybe some minor investment. And getting my mom a new car too. Then after that it’s my turn to find that placr for myself. The prospect is so very exciting.

Cough cough cough. Time has been moving very slowly for me most likely because my blood pressure and heart rates are so high up. I’m on super alert! Sudafed can make me crazy in a simlar way to Coke. Hyptertension Girl! 

Cute doggies

I had one of those moments where I was sitting with my girl and she fell asleep with her legs tucked under my arm, so I felt like I couldn’t move at all because then she’d wake up and that would be sacrilegious. SO ADORABLE. That ended up cutting my exercise hours tonight, but I’m glad I was able to squeeze a little bit in anyways. Every little bit counts. No way in the world I’m going to be able to lose this gut or even tighten it up by Christmas Day. Oh well.

Coworker S was busy telling people again about how she just wants her bf to propose to her. She let slip today while talking to me that she had, in fact, been engaged once before years ago. Obviously that didn’t work out and I didn’t press, but to me that only explains why this is even MORE important to her than I originally realized.

My doc was talking to a male patient about how he’s actually a homebody that doesn’t actually want to do anything besides lay on the couch, but his wife (my other doc) always wants to do something, so he does do things for his kids sakes. The patient said, yeah, he’s the same way, and when he was married his wife always pressured him into doing things he didn’t want, but now that he isn’t married, he’s lonely. It gave me insight into the male mind a bit. Not all males, of course, but I feel that’s a bit of what’s going on in Corworker S’s relationship…she’s told me pretty much everything that has happened since they started dating which is soon after she started working here, and there is a common theme of her wanting him to do something that he doesn’t really want to do, then she gets upset and he gets upset that she’s unhappy and ends up doing it for her even if he doesn’t want to. In fact, I feel (like Coworker B) that he doesn’t really want to be engaged or get married yet or at all, and it’s yet another pressure from her and expectation. It was the same with renting the house that they are right now. He clearly didn’t want to, but she once, again, pressured him into it. I don’t even think he wanted to do their Iceland trip, which might explain why when I asked him about it he was like, eh, it was fun. He always answers what he thinks you want to hear, so it’s hard to tell what he really wants. He’s a people pleaser. I knew that the very instant I cleaned his teeth the first time. I keep saying I read people, but everyone keeps thinking I’m just boasting about stuff. No, really. I can read a person if I really want to. It comes very naturally to me. I think it’s bad if they’ve argued about the whole engagement thing.

My own relationship was very similar in that he kept telling me that I was always putting too much pressure on him and he doesn’t like pressure. Pressure to talk about the future, to spend time with him, to do things with him even though he was “so busy” and just wanted to be in his dark vampire cave and just play games, watch anime and sleep. I don’t think I was asking very much, but maybe I was.

Maybe all these men are just super boring. My brother never actually wants to do much. Then again, I’m not the most exciting person ever, I just like trying new things and doing fun stuff. I LOVE staying home and playing games and sleeping, but I’d like to experience new stuff.

Having someone push you past your comfort zone is a good thing overall, but there has to be a line drawn somewhere.

Eh. It’s not my life and not really my business. I’m just worried for Coworker S because she loves him so much and she wants this so much. I’m less worried for Coworker Q because she’s a really solid person with different hurdles, but still worried that she’s rushing into something. I hinted as such as I was messaging her earlier. I shared that I’d been reading that divorce rates are up in those married for 20 years and the kids have flown the coop. Since the kids are gone, nothing is keeping the couple together anymore so they split. That’s what I’m afraid of when a couple gets together just to start a family. My end goal is companionship and partnership forever. Not for kids. Not just for the primal need for reproduction. I don’t know who decided that success in life is having children. Why is it that childless couples are looked down upon? It is proven that having children doesn’t make people happier, it just makes people feel more fulfilled in life. Not to mention they’re expensive. If being human means that we have the brain capacity to think and reason, way higher on the scale than any other animal, then defying nature’s call for reproduction can be considered superseding the purpose of life itself. Well, she said she agreed with me, that she’s in it for forever, not for kids, and that dating in her 30s is much different than in her 20s when her goals were much different. I mentioned that I regret not dating in my 20s, but that I’m kind of glad because I was so immature and naïve then.

Not that anyone finds me attractive enough to consider. I don’t know how to meet people. Online dating seems full of desperates, especially in this age range now. I don’t drink. I don’t do this and that. Sigh. Maybe one will just come to my door one day and there you go. I mean, even the 600lb Life show peeps all have boyfriends and husbands. Goodness.

MAN why am I so sleepy?

I don’t know what to do about my house. Liana really needs a yard. She’s going bonker, bored dog again.

I’m getting that routine annoyance about living with my family members again. I just want my own place and the ability to visit when I choose to.

So. Poor. Now.


Friday Again

This week went by very quickly! Not complaining about it, though. I’m planning ahead to the last week this month when I’ll spend some time at my place to get it ready to sell. I’d love to keep it around longer for the sake of my dogs and having my weekend home back, but I don’t want to deal with having the lawn and everything again. I have to get in touch with my realtor again, but let me enjoy the home for a bit and finish up what needs to be done. I look forward to what the future holds for me. The next step forward to my own place up here. I’ve been trying to hold out for my grandparent’s house, but I don’t think that’s going to happen soon, so I’ll just work and live so I can by up my own place around here. The only major problem I have with selling is Liana. And Gable, really. That yard is her paradise. It melts my heart every time to see that all she wants is to go out there and nap in the grass or run around…and that in turn hurts my heart too when I remember I’m trying to sell it. What am I going to do then, after? Visit my grandparents a lot? I’m afraid that it’s going to force my hand in buying a house prematurely up here merely because of her. I very much do not want to get stuck in a split mortgage problem with my mom just so we can have a yard. Tricky tricky…

I’ve noticed something at work recently: well, first off, 4 days in a row without Blabbermouth at work was just heavenly and we all forgot until yesterday. The inanity. The frustration. Anyways. I’ve noticed that during conversation, most women will give affirmation. It can be in the form of adding more to the conversation, or making affirming noises like, mmm, or ahh, or ohhh. Even body-wise like nodding of heads or expressive facial motions. Whether it is BRAINLESS AND IDIOTIC or even if they don’t care that much, they will still give polite indication that they’re listening or involved in the conversation. On the other hand, most men, will add to the conversation if there’s something to be added, but if they have nothing to add, they’ll just take it in and that’s it. Even their body language doesn’t hint at affirmation, even though they are, indeed, listening. This does not apply to all men or all women, but I’ve noticed this. It’s really, rather interesting, and the more I realize something, the more I see in on a regular basis.

Then…I feel guilty for rash emotions aimed at males for not paying attention or trying to care, but I do feel justified a bit, because hey, women need that kind of thing, you know? I may have male-like mannerisms at times, but I am still definitely a woman! Just like with dogs, even if you don’t know how or think you can, you can fake it. And, yes, relationship therapists have divulged that the single most important factor in predicting the outcome of a relationship is that “care.” In other words, even if you don’t care, pretend to care and it means the whole world to the partner as well as priming you to be more compassionate to their feelings, thoughts and ideas. A give and take, right? Men, make some sort of effort to be a more active listener, and at least add something to the conversation once. Women, understand that he might indeed be listening, just not responding in the way women are used to from another female….at least he’s listening some of the time.

Tomorrow the new washer and dryer comes and I have stuff I need to do like take pictures to get the cards started. More errands! When will I go to the mall? Maybe Sunday to get these Christmas purchases out of the way.

Thursday Again

Starting yesterday, I guess with the clouds, it has been extremely dark in the morning. Very hard to wake up. Looks like another sleepy day at work too.

Yesterday started off poorly for me at work. My first patient walked out and then I managed to displace my second patient’s jaw. My doctor came in and fixed it, but I just felt crummy. Totally crummy. On top of it all I’d spent the morning in the bathroom because I ate ice cream the night before and had that low-grade pain throughout most of the workday. I guess I shouldn’t eat ice cream as much in the next few months. Darn. And here I thought I possibly would be able to in the near future.

With the loss of the tree in the back, I’d gotten a patio plant stand for my birdfeeders because Liana was getting depressed with the lack of squirrels. Well. Now without the tree and regular squirrel bird-feeder-raiding-traffic, Liana has had, in her old age, SEVERAL very near squirrel kills. The fire is back in her eyes even though she is still very restless in the house, and for me, all I want to do is see her happy. I know what she really wants is to run in a yard and lay in the grass, but I’m afraid she’ll forget herself again and be in pain. Sigh. How do you solve a problem like Liana? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

My darling girl, and my sweet, goofy boy. Oh yeah, gotta make sure I print off new pictures for my photocube at work. It’s very popular and people don’t want to see my family so much as my dogs lol.