Category: weekend

:(((((((((

Just looked at my bank account, hoping for some extra cash to transfer to other accounts an the process of saving them, but…wow. I’m depressed. Just like the weather right now: damp, gray, sprinkly, and foggy.

Even more depressing is how the weather looks for the next few weekends. Rainy, thunderstormy and impossible for me to do any woodwork staining at all. Buh. I was down staining my fence (finally!!!) and I was pretty upset with myself for being unable to finish the entire side like I planned to originally. The weather was just no working out as usual. I knew it was going to be HOT and humid, but I was promised mostly cloudy skies which did NOT happen. I was dying of heat exhaustion after about 4 hours, and I ran out of stain, so when I went in to cool down and rest for a bit, the sun went away. Every single time this happens in the heat, my ability to return back outside decreases dramatically and I can only endure maybe 1/4 – 1/3 of what I was able to the first time. It’s not even a half-life! Then, when I was ready to maybe give it another shot, the sun came back out and I just gave it up because I still wanted to return north. In the end, I am glad I made the decision to not return back outside because on the ride home, my muscles were starting to cramp and I was getting light-headed and sleepy–all heat exhaustion symptoms.

I just am not young anymore, no matter how I look at it. Mostly it’s frustrating because I really do want to capitalize on selling the house, but life is telling me to just wait and hang on. I’ve already resigned myself to not selling until later on in the year anyways, so that’s not really it. Usually what happens is that I go down to do yardwork and then I come back the same day…well, I do that because I get tired and I know my muscles will start hurting too much to drive comfortably the next morning. My muscle-cramp risk is very high and on a longer duration of drive like that, nothing is more frightening to me than a sudden gastrocnemius cramp–or whatever deep muscle it is that does the cramping. So, if I get all the work out of the way, then I CAN go down and enjoy myself like I used to without worry of needing to do stuff like that. I like doing work but it’s different when it must be done for whatever end. I love the house, and I’m reminded of why I love it so much, why it means so much to me and my dogs whenever I go, but it doesn’t make me happy owning it. The amount of stress and worry that’s constantly on my shoulders in regards to it overpowers the joy of homeownership. My brother and sister actually enjoy(ed) it. I just own it. A source of pride, but not felicity.

On the bright side, I got some work done! It looks nice too. We planned a “surprise” grilling dinner for my mom for Mother’s Day. It was good. Then on Mother’s Day, I took my mom to Super Walmart and the Premium Outlets. It has been a looong time since we’ve been able to just go shopping like that. Our schedules just don’t allow for it. The only thing that was missing was probably my sister, though that would’ve added another layer to things and I get bored of shopping pretty quickly for a female. I personally wanted to go for the Merrell outlet. Bought myself shoes for the next year again. I’m so cheapo, I’ll need shoes, I go spend a fortune on them, and then keep them around for another few months in the box until I really have to replace my old ones. We go about once or twice a year. It was all around a nice day. Thankfully it was a little gray and rainy because everyone slept in a bit and driving wasn’t overly aggressive either…my mom (and everyone else) gets nervous and horribly anxious when I’m driving. It’s bad when the first thing she said while getting in the car was, “don’t make me scared!!!” haha. ha…ha……ha……

My inner fire is not nearly as intense as it used to be. It’s amazing what age can do for you. Honestly, I can’t imagine how I used to be, yowza. Crazy, spitfire, aggressive.

Sleepy day. I actually drew something recently!!! I’m super proud of myself for doing it too. Maybe I’ll manage to draw some updates to RW for once.

So here’s something interesting: one of these was taken with my phone’s new AI Cam and one is just the regular camera. Because I’m dumb, I can’t remember which one is which.

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How’d I Do?

Soooo? Did I get to accomplish everything I wanted to? Welllll, first off, I was right about sitting down to play games. Because I did. And then I realized that somehow I managed to log 174 hours in Dynasty Warriors 9 already. At first, I was like, that has GOT to be an error, but even after taking into account leaving it there under the TV shows while I cooked, ate and walked the dogs, that still wouldn’t explain nearly 200 hours of gameplay. Then I realized that yes, I actually HAVE logged in that many hours. Even scarier, that game is easily 2000 hours long…longer if I did every single quest and killed every single captain before hitting the objectives. Yowch, but a testament to the game itself. Gameplay, open world, story driven and history all rolled into one? Wowza. Reminds me that I have to access the gameclips I’ve recorded of glitches haha.

Secondly, I DID manage to accomplish things! Mowed the lawn, picked up dog poop (smelly stuff when it’s hot out), put together a high chair, tested a new fan (Vornado fan that doesn’t need to oscillate because it creates vortexes of airflow in the house), spent money, did recycle, cooked, even managed to draw stuff! The only thing I didn’t accomplish that I set out to, was read my book because by the time I got into bed it was later and I realllly wanted to finish the drawing thought in my head. I’m feeling those C-juice flowing again! Must take advantage of them. OH and also exercise. I’m too poor to buy Just Dance, so I guess it’ll just be my own imagination for a while still. Mondays are busy times.

All in all a success in my book. Now it’s back to work. Soon, it will be Mother’s Day and thereafter, Memorial Day and then it’s June!!

Crazy bees always slamming into the windows. Scares the heck out of me.

There’s a cat in our neighborhood! A light colored tortoise-colored? I saw her yesterday running around and was afraid I’d run over her, and then this morning I was coming back into the house after the walk and she was there, just chilling in the mulch next to the house. I said “hi!” and she ran off to the sewer. I wonder where she came from? It’s been a WHILE since there was a cat here. I’m always scared too, because animals die around here all the time…everyone drives very quickly and uncaringly.

I guess I didn’t get to stain the rocking chair either…oh yeah, it’s because I was tired after mowing in the heat and was sweating everywhere.

Monday Again

I had a couple off the wall thoughts today while walking the dogs/showering/breathing: 1) If you believed in reincarnation, wouldn’t you be anti-abortion? and 2) Maybe the reason I like fries so much is that I was born on a FRY-day. HAHAHAHHAHA.

I’m officially out of my mind-funk, I think. I’m happier today, I mean, I’m evening joking on my blog. I spent all of Saturday and Sunday playing video game after video game. I wasn’t happy or fulfilled at all, though. What I really wanted to do was go outside and re-stain the rocking chair and prep for power washing the deck, but the weather forecast wasn’t cooperating even though nothing happened anyways. Figures. Today looks gorgeous and I told myself I wouldn’t waste it bumming around. My bottom  ha—my ‘j’ key is stuck for some reason. Mechanical pencil saves the day! As I was saying, my butt is starting to feel that desire, that all too well known butt twinge that means my body wants to move, to accomplish things. I don’t want to spend any more money, but I think I want to buy just dance for the Switch. I did the demo last night and I forgot why I was using that for my serious cardio, because, well, it works. The switch is nice because then I play it on a screen in the basement while I’m working out. My belly fat is way too prominent. I need to get rid of it and it’s no longer winter. Bulk time?

Similarly, and influenced by my mind depression, it’s the time of year again to feel that PUSH–and by that, I mean, I want so badly to be able to live on my own. I’ve been thinking again about dating, but I told myself I wouldn’t do that until I got my own place. I don’t want to feel roped anymore. I love that house and I love my family and I know my dogs love that yard, but I need my own place, the ability to run the house they I want it, not having to be accountable to anyone but myself and my dogs. I need the privacy. Having my brother leave for half the week has shown me (and I’m darn sure, him) that absence really does make you appreciate other people, more. And not only that but it pushes you to feel more confident because, well, you have to. I very much enjoy having someone else cook for me, but when I come home from work, I just want to enjoy peace. My dogs would be sad if they weren’t with my mom on the weekdays and I tend to rely on the people here at home to let them out midday. I’ve already planned it out: Tuesdays and Wednesdays I’d probably sleep over at my mom’s and then Thursdays and the rest of the time I’d be in my own place for the sake of the dogs and food. I’ve found that Tuesday and Wednesday and Monday too, I am a much happier person which then goes away completely by Thursday and Friday. Saturday, I’m recuperating and Sunday is a bit of a wildcard.

What a gorgeous day it’s looking like, today. Gotta cut the grass and see if I can do the staining. I want to try and draw something and read one of my books. It’s been a week since I checked them out and I’ve only gotten 1/5 of the way into one. Old habits die much harder as I get older.

Dammit. I just know I’ll pick up a video game.

Accomplish! Accomplish something!!!

GUUUUH

Soooooooo

I’m back! Today is my nephew and soon to be God-son’s baptism. It’s amazing how now that we’re old anticipating things just don’t happen anymore. Things just happen. Maybe it’s a defensive mechanism, but the “can’t-wait” feeling just isn’t nearly as powerful anymore. I kind of miss it. I’m sooo glad there are options for clothes these days and I don’t have to wear a dress or anything. There is, however, a little bit of a worry about a small hitch that might occur, but overall I don’t feel any major anxieties about today.

My time in the South was very productive, relaxing and enjoyable. Good gravy how much I love that house, miss yardwork, and overall just miss the relative lack of stress that comes from living somewhere like that. I can see the stars in the night sky, there’s very little noise pollution there and probably much less pollution in general. You know, I live with it here on a regular basis and don’t think much about it anymore, but I’m sure my body is still unconsciously noticing it. That would explain how and why I just prefer to just relax because anything to get me away from all of this “noise” is better. I don’t get how everyone around here just has no chill. Then again, stay down there long enough and I start to miss the thick skin people around here have.

I managed to finish laying out the grass cover in the back, mulched everything that needed it (the mulch will probably never be done there), prettied up the front (took forever!) and re-did some of the stonework that has sunk into the ground a bit. I would have done the fence which is one of the last things that needs to be done, but I didn’t want to further destroy my body in anticipating today and my potential duties at the baptism itself (I dunno what I’m supposed to do). Plus, I managed to waste all of Thursday to a vacuum salesman and ended up spending a crazy amount of money that I don’t have on said vacuum. It’s supposed to be a lifetime investment and I figure with the amazing warranty, made in the US and the scary obvious worthlessness of consumer vacuums, it would benefit allergic peoples like the rest of my family.

I am SO IN THE HOLE in terms of money I’m stressing out so badly.

I freaking love that house.

Weekend Post

Didn’t do much at all this past weekend. It snowed/flurried plenty, so it was rather cold which meant no planting of plants for me or traveling South since there was ice and I wasn’t about to deal with that. My brother was gone the vast majority of the week. It was nice except I got tired of dealing with just my mom and not having someone my age to be around. I managed one RW update and felt so good about myself that I played video games. Oh, I guess I did get around to finally staining that photo cube and then ordering pictures for that cube and the one at work. Lots and lots of Ni no Kuni II (PS4), for the rest of the time. I can’t even begin to tell you how glad I am that I’m free of that whole cable/phone switching thing…speaking of which, I need to check my grandma’s email tonight to see if there are any responses.

Ni no Kuni II is a good game (I think I’m about 1/2 to 2/3 done with it) and I was drawn to it originally because it seemed similar to a Tales game (which is silly because I still have Tales of Berseria to finish–I’m at 3/4 or more on that game). Well, I was correct about that, but as it turns out, the whole game is basically a conglomeration of like 10 different games. As much as I appreciate the varied aspects of the game, it seems almost like it tried too hard. I’m all for effort in video game making, and I’m not usually one to deride a “different” game because otherwise we would (and already are) be playing carbon copies of games since tried and true is better than risky and new. Oh well. If you want to play, by all means, I’m not done with it, but I’m hanging around a 7.5-8.0 out of 10 (it’s probably more like a 6.5-7.5, except the sheer volume of side quests is impressive if not excessive). Just don’t play it on English dub…do the English subs and the Japanese voice. I usually try to do the English dubs if I can because they spent time and money and plus I already can guess what Japanese voices sound like–I’ve watched and played many Japanese anime and games…you can guess to a T exactly what a voice will sound like based upon their character design–and it gets tiresome to try and read and watch at the same time as sometimes you can miss something if the text is too small or is ongoing while you’re trying to fight something. Definitely going to finish most of the side quests. It’s my goal as a completionist! Pfft. Completionist…that’s totally silly given that I’ve probably finished about 30% of the games I start.

Whenever Spring rolls around, I always know the exact time it’s going to start because I begin to feel restless. My dogs are great indicators to because they get extra excitable twice a year, but I’ve begun to feel that “I need to do something, accomplish something, get a mate,” feeling. That coming out of winter feel. Also, I tend to get sick. Haha.

Around last weekish I started feeling a bit depressed again and I realized that it was because the end of March was the anniversary of when M graduated from his Academy and the start of the end for us. Don’t get me wrong, I am truly 98% over it. I can say his name now, think of his face, look at pictures without feeling any sort of emotion at all. I’ve almost completely forgotten that feeling and can 100% look back on it all as if I was taking a course on dating. Totally objective, empirical data mindset. In fact, I’ve been tossing around the idea of dating again, but remembered that I told myself I wouldn’t do that until I sold my house and gotten a place of my own. That would make it all sooo much easier.

I really need to read real books. Instead, I settled on Manga online since it’s free and doesn’t require me to go to the library which his silly because I should go to the library darn it! Or at least the book exchange store. Anyways, I remember now why I like watching anime or reading manga. They’re good but the manga (honestly it’s probably because I’m attracted to the romance ones) drive me crazy because of the misconceptions or maybe ideas they place on a reader are all exactly the same. The character portrayals are all so very frustratingly similar too. Then again, I don’t like watching movies too much maybe for the exact same reason. The hot guy who is troubled but very cool, being overly protective to the point of abusive, but that’s totally normal in manga and its OK because he’s hot and “loves” her. And she’s this bumbling, pretty girl who can’t seem to do much on her own and claims that she’s not interested but she’s a 9th grader and still hasn’t had a boyfriend and holy crap do these kids have parents??? And why do 9th or 10th grade boys look like college students and are terribly strong? Parents? What are those? They’re either always working, gone or have zero power/influence whatsoever. The silly part is that I keep reading them. It’s pretty typical in anime and video games to have barely-out-of-their-teens protagonists making life or death decisions while adults are basically useless and stand aside as supporting roles.

Library. Me. Staurdays. Let’s go.

It looks like warm weather to come and stay starting the end of this week! Yay for gardening! Looks like I’ll be heading south more often now! I have no idea why my brother or mom or anyone can’t let me alone for a time period. I planned originally to try and take next Thursday off because I don’t work Friday so that I can go down and have a few days to do things…my original birthday week plan to do so didn’t work out so well. Yesterday, my brother told me that he wants to take the entire week off next week and go down there. I’m like. Great. Of course. I did mention that I wanted to try and take the 19th off. I am PLAGUED by never being able to be alone. Yes yes, I keep complaining and I’m well aware that one day I’ll regret it because maybe one day I won’t have my family to “annoy” me and then I’ll just be sad and regret I ever complained about anything. However, how can I get away and just be by myself?

In other news, I’m doing a pretty good job of not spending money in an effort to recover my finances. I have 2 more months or so before I’ll be out of the woods, but it’s a good practice to have. Be happy with what I have instead of placing it into material things I don’t need at all. Save money, and all that good stuff.  Lay low.

By My Lonesome

Or at least I wish I was. My mom’s been working this weird schedule they have for her now where they cut hours so she only works 4-5 hours at a time and a strange daily schedule too. My brother’s been gone for most of the week, so it’s just been us, but doggone it I’d much rather be living on my own. It’s nice to have someone make dinner for me so I don’t have to, but other than that, she’s way too yakky. I like spending time with her, but not all the time, geez. I guess that’s always been me (though in retrospect the only time I wasn’t like that was when I was gaga in love) where I’ll go through random yak bouts, but most of the time I’m quite happy doing my own thing. Hmm, college saw me around people a lot too, but after a hefty dose of that, I’d retreat somewhere on my own to re-energize or disseminate all the crazy or whatever I need to do. Dump the RAM. In fact, I believe I spent near half of the 3rd year and half of the 2nd year doing just that.

That’s actually a problem I feel like moving forward in any possible relationships. Finding that balance, you know? It shouldn’t be too too hard, though. My friend at work and I found our balance. My family has always complained that I’m bipolar or moody. I’ll be in talky phase and then all the sudden I’m taciturn and want nothing to do with anyone. From one extreme to the other.

I had this weird pimple thing on the backside of my thigh. Considering the immense heft of my thigh and the placement of the pimple being smack center, I could not see it very well at all. So I head into the bathroom with a hand mirror and lo and behold, a massive white-headed pimple thing. So I’m dealing with it, utilizing the aid of the mirror and a tool in the other and as I finish, it occurs to me that the whole process was simple and quick and came very naturally to me. Well, of course, because I use indirect vision at work constantly. I’ve been doing it for years. I distinctly remember the beginning when we were given the task of coloring by only looking in a mirror and how my brain straight up ached from the concentration. Then when working in a patient at first, how I fumbled about trying to make my instruments do what I wanted. Huh. It’s a skill that I never think about. I mean, we use mirrors in the car all the time, but working in one? Now I don’t know how it would feel like to forget how to do that.

I was reading this article about how teachers have it so hard with the absolute lack of respect from pupils and parents too and how the entire culture is like that. It was extremely depressing, for someone who values discipline and respect, but I completely agree. I deal with kids and their parents at work too and it is astounding and positively infuriating the kids’ severe lack of respect for anyone but themselves and their own wishes. But even worse than that are the parents’ reactions and responses…or more accurately, lack thereof. It enrages me to no end when I tell kids that they need to do a better job brushing and flossing their teeth, only to have helicopter mom or dad (you always know who they are because they insist on coming in with their perfectly capable child as if they need them to be there…except you know it’s the other way around and the inherent flaw in that alone) jump right into my chastising to defend the kid. How do they do it? By making excuses to “soften the blow,” I guess, like, “Oh, honey, it’s OK it’s perfectly normal I build up too,” as if it makes it perfectly fine to not do anything at all. Or like the other day, “Oh no, it’s not his fault, it’s mine. (10 year old, here) It’s because forget to get the floss from the drawer so he knows to use it.” I wanted SO BADLY to say (and maybe I should have), “Is it your teeth or your mom’s teeth?” but I know the mom and she’d not only get upset at me, but try to defend yet again and render my advice useless once more. I hated the way the child sat there, perfectly happy with that smug smile on his face, like, yeah, that’s right, it’s not my fault at all, it never is. It’s mom’s fault. He even turned around and said half-jokingly to his mom, “curse-you!” for her mistake? Good GRIEF.

When I was 10 my mom already made me wash my own clothes. I had chores every week to sweep the kitchen and such. I was expected to help with dinner, let alone brushing and flossing my teeth. I’m very glad I had an experience like that. It teaches me work ethic, responsibility and best off, accountability.

Then on Friday I had this mom and her child where every time I tried to talk to the mom the kid would talk over us and ask questions. I would blatantly ignore him and look only at mom which made her very uncomfortable, because clearly I disapproved of his lack of respect. If he had remained in the room, I might have had to say something. He ran up and down the hall, tried to touch my tools while I was using them, moved the mouse, moved the unit arm with all my sharp instruments on them, ran past them and hit them so hard I thought it was going to fall over. The entire time, mom was like, “oh honey, don’t touch that, don’t do this and that,” all in that completely useless tone that worked about as well as it sounded. I’ve had kids before that said nothing until the mom was talking to one of us and then would purposefully repeat “mom, mom, mom, mom, mom” just because they could.

Some kids really do need a hands on approach. Some kids are ok with just words. Dogs are the same way. Sometimes a physical guide is the way to reinforce a rule. What do dogs do when someone is constantly saying stuff to them? They tune you out. What’s left to use? A physical direction. Visual commands. Oftentimes (especially in our teched up world) silence is much louder than noise. As people like to point out, children are not animals. Well. Babies, kids and dogs are VERY similar until they’re about teen age, then that’s where they split. Dogs stay adorable while kids get ugly and “mature.” They say that domesticated dogs are wolves stuck in adolescence. That’s why wolves are wholly regarded as regal animals. They’re just plain cool, but that’s because they’re grown up. Not like crazy domesticated dogs, right? haha. My greyhounds, as an ancient breed, I find to be less like the newer breeds in the same sense. Greyhounds are also considered sleek and regal because generally their temperaments are as such. Gable is a goofball, but he is truly more chill seeming than other breeds. In my opinion, I think they retain more of the wolf in them, than the recent ones. They are certainly domesticated, though.

Crazy thoughts from a lonesome girl who spent all day playing Ni no Kuni 2 and got nothing else done.

It snowed a little today!

10 years ago

10 years ago, I posted this gem:

Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to. Just because you have to doesn’t mean you should. Just because you should doesn’t mean you can.

I wonder why I posted that, but hey, it’s true, right? rrriiiight?

To pick up from the other day, basically Easter was spent cooking and waiting around for my sister who didn’t show up and then called around 6 to say she wasn’t coming, but would drop by the next day to pick up food. …ok…. but then didn’t come the next day either. You know, it would’ve been nice of her to have taken 30 seconds out of her busy schedule to let everyone know that her thing was running over instead of no one knowing anything and wondering if anything’s wrong. You know how it is, waiting around for people…it’s tiring! And of course not having them show up at all is just irritating. Anyways, the food this year was good and to be perfectly honest, it might have been better if she hadn’t come because my mom made all 3 of us sick. Yes, it’s true that allergies abound everyone around here is coughing, sneezing, sniffling, but ours has a distinctly viral/bacterial flair to it. It says A LOT when my brother gets sick too because men in general just don’t get sick as often as women, and he’s no exception.

Only that he’s on this weird “natural” kick thing.

Got to spend Saturday down Soooouuuttth where I’d forgotten my giftcards so I couldn’t do the mulch thing, but I was able to edge around the trees, dismantle the table and vacuum up all of the broken glass. Then I moved the beds around and did some much needed laundry. Getting there! I know everyone is sad at the prospect of me selling the place….like really, everyone is sad except me. My mom repeatedly says she wishes we had enough money to keep it, my brother is spending more and more time down there…he honestly should just move down there, my neighbor is really sad about me moving because then he can’t let his dog take advantage of the yard, and my dogs! Oh my, how to explain to them they won’t be able to run around there anymore…?   It really is a nice place. I mean, where are you going to find a 2 car garage, level driveway, huge kitchen and THE YARD!!! I am going to be SO SAD to not have a place to dig my hands into the dirt. In truth I am the saddest one of all. My treasure, my abode that I never got to live in…my very own, my first place. The single owner of that house. I know that in a few years when they finally open it up to recreation (the reservoir I mean) that the property values are going to soar. Tack on top of it all the explosion in business around the area and it’s the perfect storm. If I wait until then I could make so much money, but right now I’m bleeding so much money, I just want it gone so that I can save up money and pay off the rest of my debts. Plus, the onus of worry that is upon me forever not being able to be at the place is just astounding. I LOVE being able to just escape and go somewhere else away, but it’s just not financially feasible.

The interesting part of this is that I can’t be without a mortgage for too long because my income tax would be out of this world (not really. As long as I know how much I need to save up, it would still be saving money)…and not only that, but I get itchy hands and will want a place of my own soon. I won’t last a year more than likely.

Working while you’re sick is just poop. Today is much better already, but the allergy portion (my car had a beautiful green layer on it) is still working on me. I think I’ll be able to talk more today and I’ll have to given the roster of patients.

The weather is going insane. I think it’s broken. Yesterday was 70 then it plummeted to freezing last night and now it’s sitting at 33 degrees and then tomorrow it’ll be almost 80 and then snow on Saturday. What. The. Heck. Whatever. I’m sick currently and would like to get unsick so I’ll be dressing warmly, thanks.

Wish me luck for work today. i hate hate hate Thursdays.