Exhausted

I tells you. It doesn’t get much better than physical labor for my house. There’s something about accomplishing something by my own blood, sweat and tears. Starting with an idea and seeing it through myself. So much of this life we live in now it handed to us or automated. If we keep consuming and not creating or accomplishing, how can it continue?

Yardwork, crafting, cooking, training, growing plants, raising dogs, writing…

Getting my hands in the dirt, getting dirty, soil under my nails, being in the sunshine, covered in paint, working my body…

Going to sleep happy, satisfied and exhausted. Knowing that I did something and seeing/enjoying the results of it. To be proud of it, and to have others enjoy it too.

To me, this is life. This is being alive.

Me, my dogs, the earth, the sun.

I am one with nature, with my nature, with life itself. Like the birds, the bees, the grass, the plants.

If only I had someone I can share this amazement, this love of life with. Someone who understands it…no, not just understands it, comprehends it. Like my dogs, who can appreciate a good day of work and sun. Who can sit back on the grass, watch the clouds go by, appreciate the birds flying and the bug crawling on my foot, and ponder our existence in the great scheme of things. No words needed, just awe of living.

Then back inside to cool off and relax with some video games before heading out in search of foods.

I love this house, but our time is short. I’ll have to find another to love in the future.

Will I ever find my man?
Searching for one who can:
Enjoy a day of work and sun
And then when it’s said and done,
Sit back and relax on the grass
Observe as the clouds pass
Watch the birds fly and swoop
Note the bugs passing underfoot
Gaze upon the mountains in the distance
Ponder our role in this brief existence
Retire to bed feeling satisfied,
Forever in love with being alive

 

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I’ve done more in this past weekend than most of the year so far

And the year is halfway done. WUT. June crept up so silently I can’t believe it’s already the fifth.

Talk about keeping  busy…Saturday I went to hang with an old friend of mine who currently moved a few minutes up the road from me. Got to meet her kitty and boyfriend (his house she moved into), both of whom were great! Sweetest kitty I’ve ever met and he is so very interesting and nice! Took a tour of the place, got to talk and play with cat. Then we went to a nearby park that I personally have never been to and wandered around there for a bit. Tried honeysuckle for the first time in my life, avoided mud, then backtracked because she’d dropped her phone. Turns out it was, thankfully, not found by anyone else/run-over/or in mud. Then we went a little bit more, saw lots of dragonflies, a toad, and deer tracks. We were being obliterated by bugs so turned around to come back to her place. Did lots of catching up with her and somehow managed to volunteer myself to come back the next day to help clean out her apartment. haha. Not like I have anything better to do with my time. Spent the rest of the night with the family, played video games.

Sat through another painful Father “screamer” homily and mass. I realized that day exactly why I do not like him: he is just like dummy from work! He was doing some long-winded thing (thankfully without too much screaming, even if it was still realllllly hard to concentrate on the latin I was trying to read) and the congregation was done listening so he could feel the tension and negativity and started flipping out. Over and over I’ve seen how desperate he is for everyone to like him (he’s a newer priest and actually said it once that he wants “you to like me” *cue eye roll*) and yet he has that annoying Look-at-me-I-know-a-lot-please-respect-me attitude that’s unnecessary and that obnoxious nasal singing!!! Anyways. I can’t respect people who are always pining for others’ approval. Just be confident, be yourself, be humble, and people will like you. No need to fake it, just show people you can be respected. Plus, why do you need everyone to like you? Not everyone will. It’s life. Dummy at work does the same thing. Stop being fake, shut up, and just work. Everything else falls into place. It’s painful. Absolutely painful to experience.

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Sunday! Woke up earlier because I promised my dogs that we’d go to the park. Decided to go close to home today and what a good decision! The trees have filled in now, teeming with wildlife. The day was not to hot and not to cool. It was early enough that not many people were out and given the muddiness, more reason for less people to be there. Pictures were taken, dogs were unhappy with that, but they got to jump in the water a bit (lower than I’d seen it in the past), crossed some stepping stones, talked to old guys who like dogs, got to see the pond now filled with lily pads and not algae. Then we went off the trail a bit and found a gorgeous little enclave next to the water with a beaver dam at the end (at least I think it is, given the dogs’ inclination to smell ferociously at the greenery and water). Snapped a few more pictures and I would  have loved to sit there and take it all in, but the dogs were tired, and I had to get home since I had other obligations. Will certainly have to revisit! It’s funny Gable was being dramatic on the way over there (it’s a little tricky walking around the tree roots) and noisy as usual. In the meantime Liana who was afraid of water the first time I attempted the stepping stones, this time wanted and was the first to jump in. In fact, instead of being like Gable who followed me across the stones, she decided to venture further and was taken by some smell on the rocks (that’s what inspired the old man on the bridge to start talking to me). She…I don’t trust off-leash because she has a mind of her own, but I let her off there because it’s more dangerous to cross dangerous terrain with leashes than without. Plus her recall is at times better than Gable’s. Him I do trust for the most part because I know for a fact he won’t leave me. That greyhound in him sometimes side-tracks his mind, though. Plus he likes people and does that scary suddenly-lunge-at-you-thing because he’s so excited. Even over at the little enclave she wanted to go into the water. Silly girl. I’m excited to see her at the beach this year then!

Came home, mowed the lawn, shower, food, more games until my friend texted me and off I went. Hung out a bit there, helped unpack the car, busied myself with the cat, who decided he likes me (I think) while they were eating lunch. I kept forgetting myself and treated him like a dog. Then off we went! Spent several hours there scrubbing, cleaning and packing stuff into the car. Got to know her bf very well. Got back around 6pm and after helping unload the car, ran home to my unhappy dogs. Tired but happy and fulfilled.

What a great feeling to be needed and to be able to help. I’ve always loved helping with anything and everything since as long as I could remember. It’ll never die. That’s my weakness and possibly my downfall. That’s the point of my life. My meaning of life. I need to be needed. To make people happy.

It was also very therapeutic to be around positive energy. New energy! New situations, ideas and places. She is very much in love with him, and he truly cares for her. It always amazes me how much I can gather from a person and quickly. I can’t help it, that’s just I do (another downfall of mine). He really is quite a find for her. What I noticed throughout the 2 days is that he’s rather much like my own personality. I hope I wasn’t coming off as too nosy or putting off any other vibes because felt nothing but curiosity about him.

Things I learned:

  • He drives an Outback (already a winner in my book, lol), and you can learn a LOT about someone through their driving. He drives…like me. Meaning he’s definitely got an impatient side to him and he tries hard to maintain a calm demeanor, but unlike me, he doesn’t suffer from true road rage (actually I’ve yet to meet many others who suffer like me). Sometimes I think it’s the car, but I don’t think so.
  • He has an extremely creative mind that is always working. Always. This means that he has the potential to notice things you might not think he notices. However, he is musically inclined, so how much of that working is music and noticing patterns? Maybe that’s what makes us impatient: that our minds are always working, and faster than most so let’s hurry it up, people!
  • He is extremely confident. This is a rarity amongst males but most people in general. Being comfortable in your own skin points to the upbringing you had and also your strength of spirit/soul. Alongside confidence is usually intelligence and the acceptance of your own strengths and weaknesses.
  • He is an erudite. Even though he is confident, it doesn’t go past to arrogance much. He (mostly) readily admits if he doesn’t know something. I brought something up and he bristled a little to have someone with a different view to his, but it didn’t last and he was able to think about it and apply it forward. Impressive.
  • Similar to above he is able to consider other viewpoints, and yet maintain his own in the face of it. Some people I call Bamboo People will in your face suddenly change their stance on something just because everyone else is saying that. Others cling so vehemently onto their own ideas they can’t even bring themselves to see a different viewpoint.
  • He has 4 older sisters (2 biological and 2 step). This means he knows how to treat women. Or he’d better.
  • A fellow DIY’er. You do something yourself, you learn how it works. You know how it works, then you know how to fix it. Also you save money.
  • He’s thoughtful. He was adamant that he didn’t want my friend to have too much to pack or do on the day she has to be checked out because she’d be coming from after work, so he tried hard to jam everything into the car. He cares. Caring is the all-important trait to me.

So all in all, I respect him. He’s earned my respect. That says a lot. My standards are high and he got it within an hour of me meeting him. Yesterday was the surefire fill-in-the-gaps day. Grilled him. Make sure he’s a good guy. Sometimes I feel like I notice things that other people don’t. I don’t know why I’m always reading people like that. It’s unnecessary and adds layers of complications and stress to me, knowing too much about people and judging them. Well, it’s been spot on for the vast majority of my life, so if you ever need to know about someone, I’m here for you. Haha. Get them in my dental chair and I’ll really know. Nothing like fear and loss of control to bring out the real you. I also gleaned other information about him, some of political stances, stance on the occult (and therefore possibly religion), nerd interests, aaaand in watching my friend with him, how she feels about things. She’s always been a little bit of a harder read for me, because she good at keeping things in.

Anyways, it was really good to feel alive and not depressed and honestly in terms of relationships for me, proves that there really are people out there that could be good for me. That there exists those that share similar traits, interests and intelligence levels. Never a “perfect” one, but that they do exist. That maybe this is the type of guy I’d like? I dunno yet. A confident man like my own confidence. Would that clash? He would definitely need to know things that I don’t know, otherwise he would be bringing nothing to add to my life. No matter, it highlights the things I value in a person and I am extremely happy for my friend for finding such a winner! She really is happy and lucky. And so is he. He’d better know that. I really hope it works out.

I’m also really happy that she’s so close now.

 

Weekend!!

Noticed on our walkies today that there were a BUNCH of dead/dying cicadas, bees, and other beetles, among cicada casings and things eating the dead cicadas. I tried to pick up a dying one. It fluttered its wings like crazy and so I dropped it, but it didn’t go far after that. Very dark green and red eyes. Is it time to mate again?

What did I do this weekend? Uhhh. Got to see M on Saturday. Very short amount of time but it did wonders for my heart. Then Zelda: BoTW and that’s about it. Sunday was Mother’s Day, so I slept in SUPER late and then we went to go eat with my uncle, grandparents and my great aunt. It was unbelievably crowded and it was just nice to be able to socialize. Went home and played Zelda again for a bit before my brother and I started tackling the kitchen light. My brother got her a new light for Mother’s Day to help her see the kitchen better. As usual everything in this house is complicated even though in theory it’s so easy. We ran into some major snags so after trying to get creative, digging around toolboxes (had to shut the whole house power), we ran off to Home Depot and came back to finish the job. A lot of doing, redoing, then doing that over again too. Eventually we got it to work!!! But then two of the lights don’t work. -_-;; Oh well. Until next time. Should be a ton easier the next time around. So glad my brother and I get along well enough to tackle problems like these. We’ve come a long way, that’s for sure. When things get stressful keeping the humor good, and staying calm, no blaming or anything is the best. I’m so proud of us for getting over and refraining from turning into my dad in situations like this. After all that we were a bit tired, but left again to look at different lightbulbs because the ones he had were crazy bright, like BLIND YOU bright. Took the opportunity to stop by my grandparent’s to help my grandma change a phone number in her phone. She proudly showed me her tomatoes and my grandpa was happy to see us too. Then off to Freddy’s for dinner and then finally back home to feed the dogs.

It was crazy to see my brother so upbeat and social. It’s like I’ve been saying all along: you gotta get out there and do something, with other people, to bounce ideas, get new perspectives, agree, disagree, whatever. The moment you’re in motion, you stay in motion. If you sit still, you’ll stay still. In one day he was social, physical (lights), mental (also lights), and so the energy ball keeps rolling and you don’t want to stop. The snowball effect! And it makes you happy because humans really do need that stimulation; physical, mental and social. And we’re not just talking simple yes, no, conversations either. Quality conversation where you ask questions, learn new things, delve deeper, and ultimately make those social connections with people by getting to know them better. Not every single day unless that makes you happy, but enough that you don’t get sequestered in your own head thinking the same thoughts and seeing the same walls. Not TOO deeply either unless they mean that much to you. I’ve made the mistake before at work of getting to know patients TOO well…I think I’ve finally learned  the ideal depth unless I really, really, like them.

Gable has had some UTI issues, but I’m too poor to address them. After this week I’ll be able to have some wiggle room, I think. In the meantime I’ve been trying to keep it at bay with cranberry juice. He feels better, even if he hates it (which I don’t blame him at all), but I know it’s not solving the problem.

Did you know that the way the market is currently, I could make $70,000 if I sold my house right now???? That’s how much more it’s worth since I originally bought it. I wish I could. Then I could help my mom out because I think my dad is being an asshole with the alimony. Either that or he died. Hah. Yeah right. He will neither die nor retire because the instant he does his retirement stuff goes right to my mom. She’s having a really tough time with it and I’ve been telling her since the beginning to find a way to stop relying on him. If it was me I’d cut every single tie I have to him if possible. I’d make it work, because that alimony is the last shred of control he has on her life and without it he has NOTHING on her. What the hell he is doing with his money is not my concern. He can have it all if he wants. Swim in it. Drown in it. I want zero debt or reliance on him.

Zelda: BoTW is seriously a 10 rated game in my opinion. Everything about it is just perfect and the little details make it the best. How they jammed so much content into such a little cartridge I have no freaking clue. Still have yet to find everything and still only halfway through the main quest line.

Mowed the lawn (amazing feeling, that), cooked. Not much else in life. Haha. I keep getting older, and time just keeps ticking away, but I honestly can’t complain about anything in my life. The negatives are there but overall I’m just blessed. I need to remember that.

Weekend, Patience

Nothing happened this weekend. THIS IS A LIE. For once. I replaced my toilet! Entry written on DIY Cat if interested. The old toilet had been leaking for months on end and it wasn’t until last week that it started becoming imperative that I do something about it. It was strange because the leaking correlated to the outside temperature…now that I found out the problem (extremely corroded tank bolts that crumbled in my hands and the instant I shifted the tank) I have to sit there and think about why it seemed to be temperature dependent. Obviously it had been leaking/corroding for YEARS and even before we moved in because the previous owners tried to patch around it. Didn’t work, obviously. Anyways, I have a new toilet, no leak and another house project tucked underneath my belt. Am I proud? YES. But still reserved as with all my other projects. Only time will tell if it will hold. Of course that means that I can never look at toilets the same way again when I use other ones.

Other than that excitement (if you intend to replace your toilet, make another person help you) I played lots of Zelda: BoTW. Picked it up again after several hours of playing other games. Returned a few items then bought a few more. Tried to draw a bit for RW, but got sidetracked and then couldn’t get into the groove again. Art really has that effect, you know? You’re not into it, it’s not into you. Speaking of art, I really do need to figure out this sewing thing. I MUST MUST MUST finish my dog costumes before they’re not around for me to do it anymore. Alas, that means money. MONIES.

Which reminds me that instead of typing this post I should be paying bills.

My rant for the day:

I was driving with my mom around on Saturday, and lo and behold I run into the motherlode of awful, terrible drivers. Almost an accident because this lady was too terrified to make a yield left turn and slammed on her brakes at the last moment. That was the big one, but there were others. Then it really gets me going because my mom’s always like, “you’re too hasty” and I know that I’m impatient, but you know what, in the last 5-6 years I’ve been working very very very hard on being patient, giving people the benefit of the doubt, trying to be courteous. Working off the karma premise, you know? I’ve made great strides, but it NEVER fails for me to see and get stuck behind these people that test the hell out of me. My brother and mom keep remarking about why is it that I get all the crazy stories. Even at work!! The brake checks, the near misses. All the time!!!!

I realize that it’s just life telling me I need to practice more patience in my life, but holy HELL how much more patience do I need to practice? I’ve been patient  because it’s been forced on me in more than one aspect of my life. In fact, it’s in every aspect of my life. WHY IS THAT??? I’ve complained consistently about it here, about my life situation and waiting. Then there’s the car. Always in traffic, always stuck behind someone slow or irritating with no way around it. Then there’s work. I realize it’s sort of the nature of the job, but I do very much mind waiting when other people and other things are waiting for me. Ridiculous waiting. Not just the normal waiting. Huh, maybe that’s why I abhor it so much. On top of it all Idiot at work is the ULTIMATE test of endurance.

Forced to rein in, forced to stop, forced to slow down, forced to wait at every turn. How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? By jamming it into a box and sitting on the lid until it turns into a liquid and tries to disintegrate its way out. Though that’s not working this time, and solid isn’t working either. Neither is expanding in the hope of exploding the box. Tried that a couple times. It just rocks the boat and causes irreparable damage. All that’s left is to sit there and wait until my captor decides it’s time.

 

 

I’ve decided

— that my life is boring. Sooo I want to spruce it up and do different things, learn new things. That being said, I have to ask my mom so she can take care of my dogs, but when I come back on Wednesday, I’m planning on attending a class on introduction to handguns. It includes class time and range time. I’ve been wanting to do certain things but the problem is always there where I have no one to go with. Then I thought, well, I’ve never had any real problem doing things on my own, why am I hesitating? If no one goes with me, I’ll go by myself. Why should that hold me back? Plus, I’m only getting older, so why not?

Honestly, it’s a bit impulsive considering that I really need to save up money, but as I see and have discussed time and time again, just because someone doesn’t make as much money as others doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy life. You just save in some other fashion that you’re willing to take back some. In thinking about it, I guess that “I don’t have enough money to do X” mentality was forced into my head from a very young age. My dad (as I’ve mentioned repeatedly) has saved up SO MUCH MONEY over the years and when asked about it he says it’s to save for retirement. No matter how many times you remind him that we could all die tomorrow, he doesn’t care. I’m pretty sure even when he retires, he still won’t use it for anything exciting. You should save money and buy within your means, because it’s true that it’s stupid to not think about retirement, but at the same time as far as we know this is the only life we have, so…why not? What’s the point of living then if you can’t enjoy it? Especially with World War 3 looming above us. >_<

Anyways. It’s a hard mentality to break, you know? Especially without tipping the other side of the scale. Similar to the “you’re not allowed to go anywhere, or try anything new, just stay home” mentality. *shudder*

Balancing money and life is FUN.

Also, I can get not a single man to go do a ropes course with me. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE MALES??  I’m sure Gable would if he could.

So the plan today is to meet up with M because my grandparents are insistent upon treating him for his graduation. It’s kind of a bad day because he works his shift tomorrow and dislikes doing anything the day before, but yesterday we couldn’t eat meat. Every year it’s such a PAIN. But it works out as long as he doesn’t stay out too long. He’ll meet us there, that way he can work on his own schedule and we won’t encumber it. So the plan afterwards is to drop off the grandparents and then go shopping for PLANTS. SOIL. MULCH. Beccaaaaaaaaauuuuuuussssseeee it’s SPRINGTIME. Even if it’s  hanging around freezing right now. Supposed to warm up considerably. With all the crazy rain (there was a tornado WARNING in the area on Thursday!!!) my grass is like BOOSH but I’m glad I didn’t deal with it because the temperature dropped so low. I’m supposed to manicure it all today before I head down South Sunday to Wednesday. Tight scheduling!! Which means the week will be over before I know it. >_< that’s how it always is, I guess.

OH speaking of which, I ordered the GrowBox, something that is only advertised with magazines and such, because of the amazing pictures that come with it and indeed we don’t have much of a yard to speak of, nor are we realistically thinking the future will see one in our ownership in the near future. I’m REALLY excited at the prospect of seeing real results this year!!! AAAAND there have been bees and wasps around which bodes well for the season. Last year was a real bummer. We bought 3 as a good deal and will give one to my grandparents. The advertised, customer-taken pictures (which they encourage, btw, it’s even a contest), are really enticing. I was sold. Been sold for about 2 years before buying it. Gable was very interested when I opened the box and Liana wanted the fertilizer bag. Haha. It’s supposed to be super easy and pretty much impossible to mess up. You do nothing but water and their “award-winning” design does the rest. Plus the fertilizer (you have the choice to upgrade to Jobe’s organic fertilizer if you want).

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You can see how excited my dogs were.

SO very cold right now.

Bought some impulse games last night: the DLC for Watchdogs 2, and Cities: Skyline on sale from Steam. I’d been looking for a game just like Sim Theme Park (which is unplayable now even though I own it, because I have nothing that runs Windows XP…maybe I should just buy it and install it on my old laptop). Cities IS like Sim Theme Park, but very complicated as it is a city builder. Instantly I did like I used to and used up all of my money to build roads, making it pretty, without thinking about electricity or sewage or anything. It made me laugh! I’m really going to enjoy it. M is really good at influencing me to make impulse buys. Thank you sir. Looks like I’ll be playing that on my time off next week. The Watchdogs DLC I’m pretty sure won’t take long at all to beat.

I had bought Megaman Starforce Leo from eStarland (very difficult to find now, fyi) and played that, so I was trying to play the second game of the series which I already owned and it was amazing how much I didn’t remember about it. I was like…well I definitely remember playing the first game but the first half of the second game definitely NOT. Now I remember why. Mental Block-out. The second Starforce game wasn’t good at ALL. Not only is it slower in battle to the first, but the random encounter rate is absolutely ridiculous, the run away chance is awful (meaning, mettaurs? You’re 3/4 of the way through the game? Nope. Can’t run.), and worse, it’s the SAME freaking bosses from the first game all over again…except combined with slower reaction in battle means I can’t believe I’m down to 1 HP on a boss I know every move for. Also, the text is really boring for some reason, and the kids’ personalities are whiny and terrible. No wonder the Starforce series was a flop after the Battle Network. I’m so glad I was one of the few to give the 3rd and really, last new Megaman game ever a chance because it was freaking awesome. Those games, too, are extremely difficult to find now. I have both. Somewhere.

So happy to have a week off!!!!

 

Monday again

…and once again I have to go to worrrrk….blaaauuugghhh

So my stingray post is still extremely popular on my blog, snagging me 60 views in the past week which is rather average. It tends to spike in the warmer months when people head off to the beach. Honestly, I’d still rather not have it on this particular blog because the increased popularity brings more followers than I’d like (hence my move to paper journal for more serious things, and I realize that there are always so many more “silent” viewers than the “outloud” ones), but what can I do? Oh well.

Speaking of which, I have a new post for my DIY blog. Must remember to do that, but for whatever reason, whenever I try to import pictures from my phone to my computer, it will import about 10% of the ones I chose and then ignore the rest. For a later time. Just like paying my bills >_<

I had a shorter weekend, so what did I do? The biggest excitement was that on Saturday I got to finally donate blood!!! Didn’t get to sleep in at all (after some horribly obnoxious realistic dreams) but it’s OK because I wanted to get up early so I could go. Red Cross was offering it at my church so I figure there’s no real excuse! I honestly and truly have been wanting to do this forever…always regretted not doing it in college or in hygiene school, but each time there was an excuse like, no one will do it with me or like I had to take the bus home and didn’t want to pass out. My blood pressure usually runs a little low (on Saturday it was 100/70). These days, having no one to really rely on or hang out with, I realize that I don’t have to wait for anyone to do things with me and I am perfectly fine doing things on my own, so off I went. Plus, no one was going to be up that early. I showed up as the only walk-in and the process was very simple and straightforward (pulse 80bpm, clotting at 13.2), answered a few questions and onto the chair/bed I went. She had a hard time making the vein plump up on my left arm (because my right one is never used anymore ever since around my 3rd molar extraction time), so by the time the needle was put in my blood was like POOF all over the place. Not only that but it was slow coming. Took longer than the other guy who came in after me. I learned, while sitting there reading my scientific magazine, that the usual donors don’t come around anymore and that they really do need more donors. I was the only one under 40 there. They seemed happy to have a young person come through and the girl was trying to advertise different places for me to donate.

To my immense surprise and happiness I didn’t suffer any hypotension after it was over! That had been one of my long-standing fears since my blood pressure (used to) sit low regularly. I still went and drank more water and took a bag of raisins but it was great. Honestly I think my increased habit of weight lifting and general rise in healthy living has something to do with it. Plus, ever since my resting pulse rate tanked to a “normal” 80bpm (meaning my superhuman metabolism died) from around 107bpm, I’ve realized that I’m old…mature. I guess I’m no longer special. My heydays are gone and done. I realized lately that my time to shine is over. My brain no longer is special and my body can no longer stand like it used to. My how fleeting youth is….haha. I might not age well. 

Sunday

It’s been weird having a regular weekend and knowing I’m supposedly going into a 5 day work week. Took the dogs out to the park, ran all my errands yesterday (also spent about $400 on food and other stuff. THIS is why I stopped going to Target!!! Some of it was stuff I needed, though, so I’m not too upset about it, plus presents) and still made it home by 1pm! It was like a blast from the past when we used to try and run all the errands and groceries on Saturday and try to get home around 1-2pm so that we’d have Sunday to relax. It’s not a bad feeling to be just like most of the workforce. I certainly could get used to it, it’s just that I like being able to live my life too. Then again, I’ve always been a readily adaptable person, and so unless it pushes me too too hard, it’s just like, whatever, I’ll adjust. Why not. Sit there and cry about? Stress about it? Why? Won’t change anything and won’t make it easier to deal with. Venting is one thing, but you still gotta do it, so vent and go and try to make life less miserable for everyone around you. It has a bonus of making YOU less stressed about it too. Remember? It’s all in  mindset. You think it sucks, then it sucks. You think that subject is hard and you’ll never understand it? Then it shall be so. That’s the trick to school and the trick to life, folks.

How’d I get on that tangent.

Anyways, because of the “major” snowstorm everyone’s been railing about coming Monday night and into Tuesday and even Wednesday now (the amounts and severity keeps changing…though I’m not sure why I expected otherwise) means that M will more than likely be staying over Monday night and possibly Tuesday since they have to come in no matter what (makes sense). I’m sure my mom is like, guh, again, though seriously she needs to just chill about it because I don’t get why it’s such a big deal…another reason I need to get my own place: that way she doesn’t have to know and doesn’t have to worry. I keep countering her when she gets really obnoxious about things like that with, “Well, do you know what I did in college? No? Would you like to? No?” or “See, this is why I don’t tell you anything about what I’m doing or where I’m going. If I don’t tell you, you won’t know and won’t complain about it. If I tell you then you freak out. I’m pretty sure I’m old enough now to make my own decisions and accept the consequences. In fact I was old enough almost half my life ago.” Whatever.

What that means, though, is that I now have to clean things up around the house. =_= However, it works out OK because my brother stayed up all night playing Zelda and woke up really early so that when I came home from my walk (ironically thinking about playing Zelda myself), I was greeted with the annoying fact that he was yet again playing it. He’s been home since Friday and has tomorrow off and doesn’t go into work on Tuesday…so. Yeah. This, is yet another reason why I need my own place. I can stand living with people when they’re not always present and in my face. I depend on the routines and schedules that allow me to work around people in order to balance my alone time with my social time. My mom’s work schedule being as it is right now where she’s not working nights anymore and indeed working less days means she’s always home at night. My brother finally went into work more which allowed me more time on Mondays. He used to choose Monday to stay home and I encouraged him to choose a different day, so thankfully he chose Tuesdays instead. My mom usually works nights on Mondays which then affords me about 1.5 hours to be alone until my brother yet again comes home. He also used to hang out in his room most of the time except now he doesn’t anymore. I guess his online girlfriend or online friends all got lives or something. Which then makes it even MORE awkward and annoying when M comes over to visit because he’s  always there and has no clue that he needs to go away.

More ranting, I see, my goodness. Because he’s down there and I don’t want to deal with him the first half of the day (wait, it’s DST too, why was he up so early), it gives me and excuse to be up here cleaning in prep for M, and not eating breakfast (D:). Though I guess I should start the laundry process, let me wait a little while longer on that, while I pay even more bills and maybe getting some sketching in and also finishing up that CE I was unable to get through from my last post because like clockwork, my emotions were emotioning up a storm. Which reminds me I need to send that e-mail.

Also, the Chickfila cookie is AMAZING.