So when I woke up on Tuesday morning I was extremely tired despite having a seemingly fit-less night. Only 2 other things were very strange to me and they were that I had the longest continuing dream that I can remember to this date (see Resident Weirdo blog for details) and that I had a cut on the inside of my arm that ended in a pin bruise like I took something and cut myself before jamming it into my arm or I scratched up against a thorn–both of which I know for certain that I could not have done the night before. Then the first thing out of my mom’s mouth was, “did you walk around last night.” It all made sense but it’s creepy and worrisome. I did it when I was little, but I can’t believe I still do it now. There are other episodes where I think that I slept walked, but I couldn’t be sure–things like waking up with the bottom of my feet hurting as if I’d been walking, running or jumping all night, muscle pain inconsistent with any activity I had been doing the day before, and most telling, inexplicable bruises and abrasions. Sometimes they were quite decent. I’d joked about setting up a camera to record what I do at night, but I always ended up not doing that one because it’s expensive to have a long-recording camera which also needs a hard drive, and honestly I’m a bit afraid of what I’d see. What if I’m being possessed or abducted by aliens or worse, what if I’m doing really embarrassing things? Some things are better not known, but it’s been happening with a frequency that I’m getting worried.
Liana started coming into my room at night because of this, I think. It seems that she can tell if I’m about to do something. When she’s in my room I don’t walk as much. And if I dream about my dogs, I don’t walk either. That’s what’s worrisome…am I actually dream traveling too? Having the dream log really helps narrow things down. What a burden to be a living dream catcher. And what’s wrong with my mind and soul that it travels or is possessed or whatever. Anyways, in light of all of this, I think I might buy a camera after all. At some point. When I have extra cash. Which means several months in my future.
I’m sure the instant I get one, I’ll stop doing it. It’s not like I can know when I’m going to walk.
The males that I’ve kept in touch with are starting to perk up again. Must be the spring time or whatever. This one friend that I’ve long, since the beginning, told him I’m not attracted to him because we would just never get along started asking me weird questions that obviously meant that he was thinking about me as potential wife material again. Cue the eye roll. I’ve told him many times I’m not interested and we only just keep messaging each other because he said he doesn’t have many other friends. He’s a decent enough guy and I check in with him every so often as he’s in Kuwait with the Dept of Defense. However, he is NOT boyfriend material for me. I just like him as a friend, although at this point, it’s obvious that men and women can not be just friends in my life. In fact, from the very beginning and it hasn’t changed now, he makes me mad if I talk to him for too long. Like a naïve commenter that always makes me irritated. Others have started rearing their heads and apparently I still have accounts on some dating sites, so one in particular messaged me and I went to check it out, but I don’t pay for it, so I can’t see the messages. He answered my “questions” with all the same answers as me which was kind of interesting because most people don’t. He’s down South where my house is. And he’s Catholic. Wow. A little too perfect, don’t you think? I realized that all these dudes kept hitting up my account and so the best way to really test them out is to post real pictures of myself (the pics there were over 2 years old and therefore very misleading) with my very manly hair. Hah. Let’s see who messages who now. I really and truly have no intention of changing my hair for anyone. I like what I like.
Speaking of which, I’m not even all that interested in finding a new boyfriend at this point. Thinking about all of this, I’ve come to the exact same conclusion for the last several months: I’m actually happy now. Again. If I get into a relationship again, I’ll have to be in that glowy, sparkly, lovey state once more. There will be obligations and money and time and worry and such. How many people would be OK with me straight binging Monster Hunter from 9am to 6pm? I don’t like movies too much. I LOVE dogs, but I feel very strongly about discipline. My dogs are my life, it’s all for them. I don’t work full time. Right now I’m living with my mom and brother. I own a house but not in this area. I am such a paradox in so many ways. I sleep walk and am sleepily violent too. I’m analytical. I have interesting theories about things. I read body language, and auras and believe in weird crap like dream traveling and ghosts and such, while being definitely Catholic. I think think think. I have a serious temper that is awful in the car. And really, I LIKE being able to sleep in a bed by myself. The peace and quiet of no one else in the room with me, no snoring, no lights, no nothing. I’m also supremely confident in myself which always translates to “too intense” and males are very turned off by it. Males don’t like when I can beat them at things. Or know more than them. Or can unravel their logic. Or speak my true mind.
Maybe I should find a woman. Lol.