I don’t know why but pimples are popping up all over the place on me at the wrong time of the month! I assume it has something to do with the heat, but still annoying.
Another gorgeous looking day today. The dogs didn’t want to end the walk today, and Liana is back on food strike after 2 glorious weeks of both dogs being wonderful! Sigh.
Yesterday felt like a Friday and I am rather upset that today is Thursday. I was so spoiled having been Idiot free for 2 whole weeks, that yesterday was a stark reminder of it. I was being so positive too! Ugh.
I watched some 600 lb. Life episodes yesterday, followed by Dr. Pimple Popper on TLC and first off, was reminded why I don’t enjoy watching shows on TLC (among other channels…ie they are forced to “cause drama” and look a certain way) and secondly, how much I enjoy biology stuff in general.
Also, I went to weigh myself afterwards and now I’m depressed. I’m at an all-time high on weight, even though I feel good. I know my belly and thighs could use some slimming down, moreso my belly, but I’m feeling good right now. I can run up the stairs without feeling my legs burn and cramp and I feel stronger than I’ve ever felt. The only problem I’m running to right now is a lower back pain that I’ve found is from lying on the couch for too long. I feel the drive to go do something, but I feel stuck again given that my dogs are too old to do any trail walk longer than 30 minutes. I’ve given some more thought to joining a gym, but I really don’t need any more bills at this point. The debt just keeps piling up and I can’t seem to make a dent in it before vet bills, HOA fees, car stuff, etc pop up again to take its place. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying hard for the majority of the year to not spend money but that means that I literally sit inside the house and do nothing. It’s been driving me insane. And the reality of it is that I have to spend money because the major source of my financial void is my house that I don’t live in and have spent at most 3-6 months in over the 5 years I’ve owned it. It’s impossible to make headway into selling it with the weather getting in my way. What’s more important? Doing the fence or my health in 90+ heat? Not to mention, like the bills, the weeds just keep coming back. And anytime I have time off to go get stuff done, other things happen and I don’t have the opportunity to do it. Just like the next break coming up. I can’t pay to go on vacation. The cherry on top of it all is that my brother is basically living in the house. First, my sister, then my brother. What will he do when I no longer have it? Obviously living at home is driving him crazy, but he doesn’t want to take the next step? Then, even after I sell it, I’ve told my mom that I will buy her a new car before she no longer is able to drive, but the more I look at the numbers the more pressure I feel about not spending so much money on that. Sellers pay both realtors. Then I have the lapse in taxes to deal with and trying to buy in a more expensive market. It’s quite a burden!
I want so badly to be in my own place, and it’s so disheartening to know that fate has other plans for you. Yes, I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but can’t help it. Those my age are all living their lives right now. They’ve been on their own for years, gotten married, had kids. I’ve been stuck basically caring for my family and I don’t see that changing in the future. How did I land this burden? Will I be able to live my life? It’s so tangled up in my family. People give me “advice” to travel while I’m young, to forget my family and go do things I want, but I can’t. It’s just not so easy, you know? And who the hell will I travel with, hmm? Whom? Who will take care of my dogs? There is no one reliable enough to do it. It’s so depressing to think about, I pretend there isn’t a problem.