TOday. Thursday.

Marks the first day my co-worker will be not here for 2 weeks which means I have to deal with STUPID for the entireity of the time. I’d mentioned before that if she started working here every day, I’d quit and find a different job. This is going to be hell. Maybe I should bring a book or something.

I love short hair. I just LOVE short hair. I don’t care what people think either. I’ve had super short hair for 9 years now, and I’ve been through lots of flak for it. It has been one of the most enlightening and empowering experiences I’ve ever been through. Let’s just say, it takes GUTS be able to wear this type of hair as a female. Dirty looks, annoying comments, silent judgements, fear, awkward confusion about my sexuality from straight and non alike, cluelessness from the older population. Then there are the overly supportive ones, those who wish they had the guts too. However….it’s a good thing I live in this diverse area and not somewhere more backward and conservative.

One good thing that came about that whole email-sister-thing, is that I was able to sleep really well last night–something I’ve been unable to do for a while. High blood pressure has got to come down sometime. I don’t feel sleepy this morning even though I ended up oversleeping 8 minutes. THrough it all, she just doesn’t get it. She can’t or won’t see the truth in all of this. Nothing I said was a lie or an untruth. It was fact. Then again, factualism is how I get into the ire of other people as I’ve found…but how can you refute fact? By bringing in emotion. That’s all the defense there is at that point. So no matter what hot air she blew at me, when all of that dissipated, the bottom line is still the same. The facts remained. That’s probably what made her so mad to begin with, and I knew she’d get mad and I put that right in the email. She’s always accused me of being a know-it-all. Well. Maybe because I AM right the vast majority of the time. I’m not boasting, it’s just, well, the facts. I pretty much know what’s going to happen once I decide to do something because I’ve thought of all the outcomes already. She has always been fantastic at accusing other people of things and never herself. Always quick with a defensive mouth-off. That’s my dad and his family. How can I possibly be wrong?

You could say to me right now, well, are YOU wrong? Admit that! I would respond with, I’ve thought about it already: I’ve been wrong about nothing. I’ve never asked much of them. For some reason she’s been hung-up on the whole fridge business about not being able to choose it themselves. She has no reason to be because it’s NOT HER HOUSE. Plus, how do you live without a fridge? I also did it because a fridge costs a lot of money. I just finished paying it off actually. AND on top of it all, that day was the last day of the black Friday sale last year. If you waited longer everything would be very expensive. I’ve been fridge shopping before. I know how much these things cost.

In the end it’s a major ego trip and she’s forgotten the original reason why we had this agreement: for them to save money to buy a house. It wasn’t because I wanted them to live in my house. That part was just beneficial for security and home insurance. They’re squatters. It wasn’t for them to raise a child. In fact, all of us stopped wanting to go down there altogether . It was like my vacation home away from things. She even mentioned she was upset that no one would visit. Why would we want to visit? It wasn’t just me. It was my brother and even my mom too. No one wanted to visit. I didn’t put them up to it as people seem to think I do. They can think for themselves. In fact, I did the opposite and encouraged my brother to go though he never did.

SO IRRITATING. AND I’M LATE.

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Thursday Again

Starting yesterday, I guess with the clouds, it has been extremely dark in the morning. Very hard to wake up. Looks like another sleepy day at work too.

Yesterday started off poorly for me at work. My first patient walked out and then I managed to displace my second patient’s jaw. My doctor came in and fixed it, but I just felt crummy. Totally crummy. On top of it all I’d spent the morning in the bathroom because I ate ice cream the night before and had that low-grade pain throughout most of the workday. I guess I shouldn’t eat ice cream as much in the next few months. Darn. And here I thought I possibly would be able to in the near future.

With the loss of the tree in the back, I’d gotten a patio plant stand for my birdfeeders because Liana was getting depressed with the lack of squirrels. Well. Now without the tree and regular squirrel bird-feeder-raiding-traffic, Liana has had, in her old age, SEVERAL very near squirrel kills. The fire is back in her eyes even though she is still very restless in the house, and for me, all I want to do is see her happy. I know what she really wants is to run in a yard and lay in the grass, but I’m afraid she’ll forget herself again and be in pain. Sigh. How do you solve a problem like Liana? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

My darling girl, and my sweet, goofy boy. Oh yeah, gotta make sure I print off new pictures for my photocube at work. It’s very popular and people don’t want to see my family so much as my dogs lol.

Weekend

This past weekend? Well, it was heralded by coming home from work to a very hot house. Which meant…wait for it…NO A/C!!!! It might be fall now, but it feels like summer and will continue to do so until the end of the month. So I get home and tired and start arguing with my mom about not servicing the unit which I’ve suggested and she knew about for years now, season after season. We yell back and forth, me knowing that I shouldn’t have said that and she knowing she should have indeed done it, because it’s not my house after all and yet I’m living in it. WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO LITERALLY DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE. Everyone else is afraid to? I DON’T GET IT. I have to do stuff for my grandparents because my uncle and my brother don’t want to and then fight over responsibility until I just get fed up and do it because the only person losing here are my grandparents. I don’t even know anything, THEY do, they just don’t want to be the one responsible for it all. Then at home, not my house and I actually go to work on weekdays, still have to do everything. Once again, all the other adults are too afraid. Then in MY HOUSE which I’m not even living in, I still have to do everything and can’t rely on them for a single task because they literally just don’t do it. Straight up. But that’s another rant that will make me angry to post about.

Well. I ended up feeling bad. She called the guy who installed the HVAC and I already knew he wouldn’t respond because I couldn’t find him anywhere online, so I started looking up other people. By this time it was so late it would’ve been worthless to call anyone, so we settled down to endure it through the night. It’s nothing new, we endured this back then in much worse conditions like dead summer. We as humans can adapt. I left the window open and curtains open the entire night. The sound of crickets, traffic and neighbors talking filled my ears, but that’s not what was horrible about it. The humidity was present, but once again, not extreme as it is autumn now. I usually have to have some sort of covering on me at night, but I found myself spread-eagle on the bed with nuthin. It didn’t feel bad. Until I woke up around 2am because Gable was dying of heat. He was breathing hard and heavy right at my feet, so I had to get up and set up a fan for him. Took a little while but he finally tried to sleep. That’s when I realized that as humans with no fur we can take it, but dogs (and these are greyhounds with very little fur) can’t. Plus, they’re both elderly. I proceeded to have bad dreams (ie a cat peeing on my face because I didn’t feed it) until I awoke. Thankfully it got much cooler toward morning to the point where I thought the A/C had kicked back on. Took the dogs to the park because I knew we didn’t have air (where dumb people with little children were hanging around. One dad in particular let his toddler chase after my large, strange dogs from the bridge all the way through the parking lot where I’d parked far out until I got to my car. I guess he only got the kid because he was afraid I’d kidnap him. This is why I don’t go to the park late or do anything late on weekends) and then back home to call the A/C guy. He came rolling in around afternoon time and proceeded to not only diagnose and fix the problem, but service the unit and take it upon himself to inspect our utility room, pointing out wrong and illegal things. He went above and beyond what I expected him to do. He explained things very well too which was the best part. Hallelujah for chemically treated air.

Took my mom the next day on a ride to a large Walmart where they sell fabric! Very excited to find another place with more fabric to choose from. In the end I did no sewing that day (did a little the day before, trying to keep the temperature down in the house) because I didn’t know how to do what my mom recommended and I am terrified of messing up the finished product. So I played Tales of Berseria the rest of the weekend. Man, let me tell you, there’s a reason why I don’t watch anime…I get caught up in stories and my obsessive tendencies take over.

 

When is DST ending?

It feels like it should be soon because these days I’m so sleepy when I wake up. My body and mind are up and down with the sun, like I was made to live on a farm. If the sun is rising, I’m up and awake. If the sun is down or dark, I’m sleepy and ready to dream. Makes for a dangerous drive at night. I can night drive if I’m somewhere in town with lots of lights, but if I hit any stretch of darkness, the eyes just start closing on their own.

According to some research, DST ends November 5th this year. Ugh. Another month. I got confused at first because the internet pulled up Australia and not the US and they were saying their DST starts in November and ends in April. I’m like, wait, what? I thought it was the other way around?

Liana is a tough case…she is clearly in distress when she gets her muscle spasms, but other than the spasm, the seemingly pins and needles, the agitation whatever it is causes her (she’s been chewing and tearing things up), she’s perfectly fine. She walks fine; she’s a little stiff in the mornings but contrary to her neck slipped disc last time, the discomfort seems to get better the more she moves as opposed to worse. She doesn’t like to stand for too long, but she runs and sprints around the house no problem. She moves up and down stairs like she always has. She’s been playing with Gable. Her neck is not the issue here. No pain screams, but discomfort in the hack half of the her body. I’m completely confused and it throws my initial thought of it being a nerve thing into disarray because it’s not always acting like one. At this point I’m not sure if it’s spine or something internal. Her appetite is normal…actually, better than it used to be. She wants to EAT. Possibly that is more concerning than her physical symptoms. Like I said, I don’t know if it’s spine, internal, or both. Sometimes I swear it’s neuropathy, and others I think it’s her organs or muscles.

As much financial struggling as I have going on right now, I can’t get around that need to get her to the vet…needed to have gone on Monday. I think I’ll call them when I get home tonight and schedule for Monday. …I don’t want bad news, but I don’t want to make something treatable worse. I guess I’ll just be in debt and watch my credit keep drowning.

I don’t know how I’m going to finish doing the yardwork at the other house. It just occurred to me that I have never been there without a dog with me. Honestly, I wouldn’t ever want to. What a hollow feeling that would be.

This is when one makes the argument against having pets. If I didn’t have them, I I’d be that much richer. If I didn’t have them, I’d be traveling. If I didn’t have them, the house would be so much bigger. Then again, if I didn’t have them, I’d have not bought my car, my house, went on all those trails, had all those laughs, learned to love, learned to care, learned patience, learned what really matters in life. My heart would still be stone. Also I probably would have had an aneurysm by now or a stroke.

I feel a poem coming on. Haha.

 

Friday again

Woke up with the song Paradise by Love & The Outcome in my head

Catch your breath and close your eyes,
You and me forever after,
Lets let our plans and dreams collide,
We are a beautiful disaster. (Yeah.)
Never thought life could be this way,
Even thought we change our love will stay,
Stronger then the storm in me every day,
Cuz even when it bad its good.
Me with you
In our own paradise, its paradise,
Only with you
In our own paradise, its paradise,
(Paradise, its paradise.)
Made a mess but here we are, (here we are.)
Broken pieces fit together,(yeah,)
I hold your tears you heal my scars, (heal my scars)
Now I know you more then ever, (yeahh.)
Never thought life could be this way,
Cuz even when it bad its good.
Me with you
In our own paradise, its paradise,
Only with you
In our own paradise, its paradise,
(Paradise, its paradise.)
Forever I’m yours forever your mine,
I need you like mad its true,
Only with you in our own paradise, its paradise
More then we ever asked our imagined,
Live in the moment, I handle open,
More then we ever asked our imagined,
Live in the moment
Me with you
In our own paradise, its paradise,
Only with you
In our own paradise, its paradise,
Forever I’m yours forever your mine,
I need you like mad its true,
Me with you… Its paradise,
(Paradise, its paradise, its paradise, paradise.)

I really like their music.

So. It’s Friday again. I’m definitely PMSing again. When I get depressed, then happy, then lonely, and mad x 3. The last one is the real definitive indicator. Idiot at work is really setting me off and while it impedes my ability to work well, when it starts messing with my patients and making them uncomfortable or irritated, then I can’t deal with it anymore. I snapped and started going off about her to one of my bosses yesterday. He was completely taken aback and was like, who what when where huh? Grrrr. I’m getting very close to discussing this with my other boss. It’s gone far enough to the point where I was thinking of working here only 2 days a week and then somewhere else instead the other days when she’s there.

I was watching a Facebook video of a different method of doing cosmetic veneers, and made the ultimate mistake of reading the comments. Like a dummy I was like, huh, I wonder what other dental professionals think because I, myself, saw many problems with the way the system works. Well. Let’s just say that the video and subsequent comments are proof perfect that people on the internet (and therefore regular people) know very little about how things operate and yet still wish to squeeze their irrelevant opinions into anything and everything. The comments were mostly how dentists are crooks, then there were those who marveled at the idea of veneers (except they’ve been in dentistry for quite some time), then those who complained about why their dentist didn’t do that and instead took out their tooth, then the religious zealots in broken English that said Jesus will fix all your problems, those who shared dental stories about something not even remotely related to veneers….at the time I saw no input from any other dental peeps and it boggled my mind at how these people were missing the point of this video. It was a DIFFERENT way to do veneers, not introducing veneers as a new concept, or saying it was the end all restorative. In a way it was a fascinating research piece for sociology, or for how humans overall react to anything on the internet. If I took all the comments (being in the dental field, myself, and knowing a bit about how things work in it) and made a pie chart of the types of responses from this particular population of those who commented from the Facebook Channel, it might be very interesting indeed. Then you could compare it to other types of videos and see if the population of answer-types remain consistent across the board, or if it changes. Then if it differs greatly, then explore why and how and the different variables attributing to the discrepancy.

Huh.

Well the plan tomorrow is to do yardwork. Whoo. Stumps to be ground out today.

 

Without the Tree

Busy trying to sleep on a fall morning and realizing that the airplanes flying to the airport are much more noticeable now. It’s amazing how much trees benefit us, and of course we rarely notice anything until they’re gone. On the bright side, I have since stopped waking up with inflamed eyes, coughing, etc.

This week is sooo slowww and it’s about to go even more slowly because S is going to be gone today and tomorrow. B will be in her place and we all know how that goes…basically means that you have to start taking care of yourself.

Saturday will afford me some time to do yardwork for my place. I’ve been entertaining thoughts, again, about houses even though I’m well aware that it’s not going to happen anytime soon. One can dream.

Q and I were talking about S and her boyfriend and if he’s going to propose at the wedding they’re going to. It should have happened last year this time, but I don’t know what’s going on in his mind. She’s been waiting and waiting and waiting. We’ve discussed a few times about how she doesn’t deserve someone like him, despite how much she loves him, because she’s so vivacious and positive and happy, but he’s a bit of a reluctant stick in the mud. Being his hygienist, I learn a lot about a core of a person and I can glean and extract information in a wholly innocent way. He’s better than he was, much more mature now than at first, but he’s still got the give-up attitude where he’ll say anything, agree to anything you want him to say as opposed to being true to what HE wants and HIS own feelings. The bamboo syndrome that affects so many. That drives me crazy. They just moved into a house (2-year rent) and she was so excited about it given the fact that they can save money and mostly for their dog (he’s so proud and loves the dog so much) but he really didn’t want to, preferring instead to rent an apartment, despite the numbers and overall advantages and benefits of doing so. It really bothered me that he couldn’t see it, and I’d posited my suspicions to S, where she got upset at me, but hey, I say it as I see it. Eventually, of course, he told her (after some furious back and forth) that he was really excited to be moving into a house. As usual, it left me wondering what his true feelings are. Q and I discuss, but it’s not our life, so we just hope for the best.

Anyways, all that discussion had me jump into voicing to another person for the first time what exactly went wrong with my own relationship. I explained to her that I feel like it might be a little bit like that where it’s a one-sided relationship, but how much of that is the difference between females and males? Mine was so purely one-sided, I’m sure no one else can beat that. Except maybe my dad. Huh. Well…he resembled my dad in so many ways it wasn’t funny. S’s bf does care for her, though, that much I’m positive. It’s the little things, you know? I just, couldn’t be with someone who cared so little about me and so much about himself. I explained to Q that I wasn’t trying to get in his way, but if I did matter at all, it would have worked because he would have made it work. And that focus problem he claimed he had, you can’t get around it because it’s going to be like that forever. I guess you either learn how to balance priorities or you don’t. And the worst part is: if he knew he just didn’t love me anymore, why prolong it? Why extend the lie? Who else benefits but himself. Why not just tell me? It’s always been about him. All 2 years. On both sides.

It feels good to let things out. I do it plenty on here, but in person it’s even more therapeutic.

I wish I could forget. But I can’t. Damn brain.

Gorgeous gorgeous clear sky!

It’s the time of year to feel lonely again. I’ve been super talkative to my patients too. I guess I’m back! Haha. It’s amazing what vacations can do for you.

Weekend!

It is indeed Tuesday again and I am no longer on a vacation high. The dogs spent most of Friday begging for and anticipating another trip to the beach. Poor Liana finally gave up, whilst Gable is happily enjoying his own beds, though he did want to go to the park or something. Luckily for them, this Saturday sees my mom with a rare day off so we’ll go south for her to visit the baby and hopefully the weather will hold for me to do some more yardwork. Actually, even if it rains it’ll be fine because softer soil would be wonderful for me. Fall is indeed here, even if the calendar says not quite yet.

The doggies need new collars again because the beach always kills them even if I didn’t send them into the water with the collars on (that’s what the British leads are for).

Since I had a 4-day weekend, I spent Friday destroying the pantry and throwing away all the super old things in there. This is why hoarding food is not a good idea…what used to be perfectly good food all in the trash can mostly because it all gets jammed in there and you can’t find anything so you keep buying more. I mean, I must have thrown away over a hundred dollars in unfinished, stale, melted and expired food…and that wasn’t even all the shelves…Relocating some things for easier access, removing plastic bags and tubs…the trash can was super heavy and the recycle is overflowing. There are other things I need to recycle and throw away, but it has to wait until the next trash/recycle cycle. At first everyone balks at what I did, but then it looks sooooo much better because things are easier to find and it’s true that things go bad, what a waste of money. I’m hoping that by relocating, documenting some, etc, that this time it won’t inspire more hoarding, but the idea that what’s in there should be used. Not only is it a waste to throw away, but if we didn’t need to it begin with, there would be less buying initially. Bah. These things always escalate in a few weeks. The next project in that vein is the refrigerator, but unless the fridge is replaced with something not side-by-side, the problem will never be fixed. Less space in a French door, yes, but less money wasted again. Alas, it is very difficult to find a French door fridge in our specifications…but then again that can wait until all my bills are paid off.

It’ll be nice to get a real paycheck this week, but given the time of the year (birthday and then Christmas time) I dunno when I’ll be able to afford a fridge here. Ha…as soon as I pay off the other one, I’ll start with this house. Sigh.

Saturday and Sunday found me finishing Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle. What a wonderful game, btw. A little short but extremely enjoyable, giving you everything you wanted in a game like that. I am very pleased with it and glad I bought it. Someone buy me a Rabbid Kong plushie.

Friday was supposed to be the last day for the trees in the back, but there was a mixup and when I called them on Friday the guy had somehow gotten our quote and someone else’s quote mixed up. They’re supposed to be here at 9am today to do it. I hope it actually happens. I wanted to watch :(.

OK. Looks like it’s about time to go. I have been eaten alive by mosquitoes ever since I’ve been back here. I also think the decaying tree is making me break out in hives sometimes. I woke up this morning with my eyes super puffy again like I’d been crying, but all I remember is a strange dream about presentations on dinosaurs and drawing lines on a face with marker in a supermarket. Very sleepy. I hope work goes well today.