Category: house

So Sleepy

Well here I am, back again at my grandparents’ house for yet another round with the cable company! Whoohoo! Not. This has been a disaster from the beginning of what theoretically was a great idea. It still is a good idea, but man the inconvenience is tremendous! I was thinking it was a plug and play kind of deal with few worries, but good gracious how many times must I wrangle this beast? Ah well. I dearly hope this is the fix we’ve been waiting so patiently for.

It seems like nothing this year is going to happen successfully without some elbow grease and sweat.

Speaking of sweat, I was finally able to be home sweet home for 3 days and 2 nights, and my gracious it was HOTTTTT. With all those t’s. Not just the weather which was dangerously hot (like, I was picking 3 crabgrass from my overgrown yard and sweat poured like rain from my head, hot) but the house just could not cool down. I had never had that issue with that house before. I chalked it up to the horrible heat, but I’m terrified that the system is going to be shot. In the 5 years I’ve owned the place I’ve not once had a service technician come out to take a look at it. Honestly, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to before I sold the place, but that’s just mean-spirited and I know better than that. Sigh. The probability that it is just the heat and the nature of a detached home, especially with the way that neighborhood was clear-cut with a dismal tree-replanting-rate (pretty much none of my neighbors see any value in trees…mostly just me) is pretty high, but still, yet another weight on the house-owning-onus. Whining aside, Gable was not a happy camper with how hot it was and was plain miserable the whole time. I went out and got him a little fan and he plopped himself in front of it. In fact, both of them would fight for it, though Liana let him have it for the most part.

While I was unable to do any fence work with the ridiculous humidity, I was able to rip out some weeds and attempt to de-weed. The Sta-Green Weed and Feed I bought because it was at least $15 cheaper than the Scotts one I usually get did a wonderful job of feeding all the weeds. Should’ve been named Weed Feed instead of Weed and Feed. My grass has never been uglier. I think on top of it, I’ve been having my neighbor cut my grass (graciously he’s the one who offered) and it’s the fact that he’s been spraying chopped weed all over my flower beds that is causing the crazy crabgrass infestation I have. I can’t complain, he’s just super nice and it’s nice to have someone who keeps an eye on the place for me too. I think I lost like 50 lbs in sweat alone, haha.

It was really nice to be able to be there, even if it was so short lived. Every time I have a break like this, there’s always something else that needs to be done. It’s Thursday now and I’ve not slept well at all for a whole week. Waking up early every day for whatever reason the day brings me (sleeping in a different place is always so difficult) and it’s not going to be over again until maybe this coming Monday! Tomorrow I need to go into work to clean my co-worker’s teeth for her upcoming wedding, and deliver the folding tables she was wanting to borrow, and then Saturday looks like I’m heading back down in order to take advantage of the rare nice weather to try and make up for lost fence time. That means waking up early again and yet another early wake on Sunday to get back before the awful traffic shows up.

I had a really nice day on Tuesday with my nephew, since my sister allowed him his first sleepover with Gramma. He’s a happy baby and thinks (like most babies) that I am absolutely hilarious. I think I just look weird. A fast happy baby. We went out and bought him a walker and overnight he had already gotten the hang of the concept of walking.

I am so sleepy and tired. And I didn’t eat anything this morning because I woke up late and didn’t want my stomach to go crazy while I’m here. Still waiting, though unfortunately. I can feel the anxiety in my grandparents. I don’t think they used to be this nervous about things, but maybe that’s what happens when you get old and things are out of your control.

One of my DRLs are out and now I’m trying to figure out how to replace it. Buh. Reminds me that I never did replace my sideview mirror.

Next month I have another week off. Man, I hope I won’t have so much to do at that time. Since I’m not the one organizing the possible beach trip this year, it’s just that: a possibility. I recommended that if we don’t make a big trip then why don’t we look around the state for day trips. Like Luray Caverns, or something like that. It might be nicer to go in the fall, but more people will be around then for the leaves. Whatever. DC. The drive through safari zoo thing!

Damn, they’re still not here. I hope they come soon.

I’ve been busy typing up and embellishing those short stories I’ve been writing. It’s been so much fun to do and kind of weird to see what kind of brain I have these days. I’ve tried to keep them not too graphic, but the temptation is there sometimes to make them more trashy. Haha. This old brain is not nearly as creative as it used to be. I need to work on it. On a similar note, I wrote a graphic/M-17 short story around the time I was with my ex and I had the courage to read it again after 3 years. It’s not bad, but man, I needed to do some serious editing. Not a bad idea to take a hiatus, go through some more life and head back to something like that. That was the reason I didn’t get to sleep until 1am last night. I thought maybe a quick edit would suffice, but noooooo…I only managed to get halfway through!!! Definitely not something I want to be editing at my grandparents’ house. LOL!!

OK, until next time.

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Hottttt

Well, not so much hot as humid. It is crazy humid out there. What was hot was just 50 miles south. I’ve been up here so long I’ve forgotten what not northern hot and humid is. Now imagine 100 miles south of here, or all the way in deep south hot. Left my car outside the garage on Saturday until about 4 or so and inside is was an oven. I was seriously concerned about the stuff inside my car. Saturday was absolutely gorgeous too.

…now imagine trying to survive a summer season like that without any AC at all ever. No thanks. I’d like not go back into depression mode again.

Good news is that I’ve been able to seal the fence! Whoo! Progress! It was a little hampered by the fact that my neighbor was having a big party in his backyard for his son who graduated, so I didn’t get to completely stain that side even though I did bleach it. I decided to do the other side instead to stay out of their way and then realized that they’d have clear view of me the whole time. Oh well. It’s always something getting in my way, you know? I did find out that the side I ended up working on was not well off. Because the sun would beat down on the other side of that fence, the side I was working on looked absolutely terrible with mildew, mold, etc. Now it’s even worse since that side neighbor put up a 6 foot vinyl fence. BTW…I don’t think I ever want a vinyl fence, no matter how much easier it is off the bat. They don’t seem too sturdy and without gaps I can see the whole thing coming down in a windstorm or a hurricane, especially with the yards the way they are in that neighborhood: no trees to speak of. It’s a wind tunnel. While I was busy doing work, Gable and Liana would beg to come out and then in, out and in, because while the day was low humidity and beautiful, the sun was hot hot hot! Gable did get lots of attention from all the people at the party. I’d look over to see him getting love and enjoying every second of it. As soon as he came over to see them, literally everyone stood up and rushed to the fence. Liana barked at them, was OK with it, but then wandered off to lay in the shade. She’s more of a one person dog? He’s gregarious.

We wandered off to Lowes after dinner of amazing cowboy ribeye steaks, and only had about 40 minutes to shop before it closed, but I spent 20 minutes of that sidetracked, trying to catch a kitten. I’d pushed a cart back into the cart return really loudly because it annoys the HECK out of me when people just leave carts around when the freaking return is TWO STEPS AWAY. Ok, so maybe 4 steps. Have some decency people!! Can’t stand it. Anyways, I pushed it in so loudly, I saw something dart out from under a truck, so I followed it because it was little. Really little. Turns out it was a little gray fluffy kitten and it stared out at us from behind a tree, mewing so pitifully. I think it was hungry, why else would it have been hiding under a pickup so close to the store? By itself??? I looked around and didn’t see mama anywhere. My biggest concern was that some heartless dumbass had just dumped it in the parking lot. So I got down and went to see if it would come to me or if I could grab it. I got some help from a Lowes employee (my brother was nigh useless, but a good barrier/run preventative) and lamented that we hadn’t used my car which had towels and collars and leashes and such in the back. I got really, really close to it, and actually came to me and smelled my fingers at one point. More than anything I wished I’d had some fried chicken on hand because I KNOW it would’ve come right to me. I wanted to grab it, but also didn’t want to get rabies or some other disease. Cats really aren’t my knowledge base. I was about to reach around and grab it since it trusted me more than any of the men when another guy and his young son came up to see what was going on and I made the mistake of asking for their help. This guy was too forward for this kitten and eventually it ran into the sewers and away over a hill. I hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t get run over by a car, but the fact that it knew the sewer led somewhere was a good indication it knew the area well. Probably feral. But I was SO clooooooose! And one feral off the street or at least fixed is better than none.

I was upset that it got away, but a bit relieved as well, because 8:30pm on a Saturday…what vet would be open and would take it? Plus we had no way to carry it and not get massacred by the claws of death, and if I took it home…uhhh…my greyhounds… Still, I think about it and how close I got. What a passion for animal rescue and rehabilitation inside of me. I don’t even care what species.

Maybe I should start keeping a net in my car, lol.

GUUUUH

Soooooooo

I’m back! Today is my nephew and soon to be God-son’s baptism. It’s amazing how now that we’re old anticipating things just don’t happen anymore. Things just happen. Maybe it’s a defensive mechanism, but the “can’t-wait” feeling just isn’t nearly as powerful anymore. I kind of miss it. I’m sooo glad there are options for clothes these days and I don’t have to wear a dress or anything. There is, however, a little bit of a worry about a small hitch that might occur, but overall I don’t feel any major anxieties about today.

My time in the South was very productive, relaxing and enjoyable. Good gravy how much I love that house, miss yardwork, and overall just miss the relative lack of stress that comes from living somewhere like that. I can see the stars in the night sky, there’s very little noise pollution there and probably much less pollution in general. You know, I live with it here on a regular basis and don’t think much about it anymore, but I’m sure my body is still unconsciously noticing it. That would explain how and why I just prefer to just relax because anything to get me away from all of this “noise” is better. I don’t get how everyone around here just has no chill. Then again, stay down there long enough and I start to miss the thick skin people around here have.

I managed to finish laying out the grass cover in the back, mulched everything that needed it (the mulch will probably never be done there), prettied up the front (took forever!) and re-did some of the stonework that has sunk into the ground a bit. I would have done the fence which is one of the last things that needs to be done, but I didn’t want to further destroy my body in anticipating today and my potential duties at the baptism itself (I dunno what I’m supposed to do). Plus, I managed to waste all of Thursday to a vacuum salesman and ended up spending a crazy amount of money that I don’t have on said vacuum. It’s supposed to be a lifetime investment and I figure with the amazing warranty, made in the US and the scary obvious worthlessness of consumer vacuums, it would benefit allergic peoples like the rest of my family.

I am SO IN THE HOLE in terms of money I’m stressing out so badly.

I freaking love that house.

Sooo

…sooo….

Remember how I always manage to injure myself or something crazy before going South? I was doing great until late last night around 11:30pm when I let the dogs out. I saw that I’d left the battery inside the weed whacker, so I went to remove it, when the pusher thing from my aerator happened to fall off the shelf and smack onto my pinky toe. The ram rod is solid steel and it’s a rod which means it fell like a spear, pushing all its force into my one toe. GOOD GOD. The pain lingered, too, well into my sleeping. I was busy reading manga until close to 1am and it was still stinging/throbbing/paining. Thankfully when I woke up, I still felt it sore and stiff, but I can walk OK, it’s not broken and not swollen up tremendously. I was truly terrified I’d crushed the bone or done something awful when the pain wouldn’t stop for 2 hours. Walking is doable, but painful and I have to move my foot in a way so that the pinky toe doesn’t hit anything. I’m just glad it wasn’t any other toes or worse, the top of my foot altogether. Still quite painful, but only if I put pressure on it.

What it means, however, along with the fact that it’s currently raining here and South, is that I now have a decision to make as to when I want to venture down there. Yet another day wasted!! I can’t stain anything when the fence is wet, and while I can still finish up the mulch bed in the back, lugging, dragging and otherwise carrying heavy bags of mulch is going to take much longer and be much harder without my pinky toe to support. You never appreciate anything until you can’t use it. I completely disagree with the “scientists” who believe that not too long into our future, we’ll evolve out of pinky toes. Pfft. Mine is used regularly for balance and strength. Monkey feet.

I think I’m cursed.

I was going to post a photo here but I have the world’s ugliest feet.

At least tomorrow is going to be nice, but I feel bad because I took off of work today and now it’s yet another day wasted in that aspect. Just like my birthday week which I had had all planned out to go do things South and I couldn’t because I’d crashed my car and didn’t know that I didn’t have rental car coverage on my insurance.

It’s probably a good thing that I regularly smash my pinky toe on chair legs and such. Makes it tougher.

Oh and in the shower today I managed to drop my bar of soap. ON THE SAME TOE. Fun times.

In other news, when the dogs and I were rounding the final stretch this morning while coming home, I was busy telling Liana who was scanning the way for our friend Miss Bunny, that it looks like Miss Bunny isn’t out today in the rain! Well. One blind turn to the left and it all happened in a flash:

  1. Bunny hears us coming and darts ahead into the safety of the brush.
  2. The brush happens to be on our right and Bunny is coming from the left
  3. I don’t see Bunny, all I see is a flash of brown heading our way at top speed, which I assume to be a bunny
  4. My brain processes in the flash that this is Bunny, it’s heading our way, I have 2 greyhounds, one who is looking for Bunny and one who is just walking, but greyhounds nonetheless, and it looks like we’re going to collide, the rate at which all of us are approaching each other.
  5. Dread fills me as I have 2 wild fast predators with me
  6. Fight or flight response chooses option 3: FREEZE and GASP AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE
  7. Both dogs lunge at the same time as Bunny’s brain makes split second decision to jump vertically and execute aerial 180 degrees turn Gable is the closest and lunges right at Bunny who is probably mere inches from his face.
  8. I am frozen, so I have a death grip on his leash which I usually keep loosely short, which means that my arm isn’t getting ripped off and muscle tension insures that he isn’t going to get anywhere.
  9. On my other side, Lady Jaguar lunges too, but smashes into the back of my legs. I don’t feel much pain because once again I am frozen and tensed up.
  10. My body releases me and off we go, both dogs on a mission, ears up and hunting.
  11. I try to go as fast as my injured limp will allow me, and adrenaline is nice because it blocks pain.
  12. Bunny is long gone, so Liana in her irritation sniffs out where it was last, and poops. Twice. In that area. Gable adds some urine for good measure. Maybe a warning? A last, “I’ll get you next time, you wascally wabbit?”

Both dogs are both proud of themselves and annoyed that their human is ridiculously slow on the uptake and hunt. Pretty much worthless. Currently Gable is sighing and grumbling to himself because why the HECK are you home today, failed hunter? Feed me or do something useful.

Looks like the sun is coming out up here and the clouds are dispersing. I’ll head down around 11 or so, I think. Less traffic and give the water some time to dry. We have yet another freeze warning tonight. Sigh.

Thursday Again

I haaaaate Thursdaaaays so MUCH.

So on Monday my grandpa fell–well not so much feel but slumped to the ground and could not get up. My grandma was taking a shower and had told him not to go outside, but of course what did he do, go outside. My grandma can NOT see well, but eventually found him on the far side of the house where no one would have seen him at all if she hadn’t gone looking. She was unable to help him up, so she called her siblings who came over and then called her kids 2 of whom came over too (I was home, but she didn’t call me because she thought it would take me too long to come over…interestingly as I was cooking, I kept having this feeling like my grandparents were going to call me, but they never did so the feeling passed. It reminded me of the feeling I had when my uncle’s dog was dying). They ended up taking my grandpa to the emergency room where he was deemed perfectly fine after a series of x-rays. Then they decided that my grandparents should be admitted to an old people facility and my grandma made such a stink that they left it alone for the moment. Honestly, I’m a bit glad they hadn’t called me because at this point it’s not for me to say anything as I’m just a grandchild and not a child. My oldest aunt (my mom is the oldest) has this obnoxious personality where she doesn’t really care what anyone wants or thinks, she just does stuff that she thinks people need and most don’t bother trying to argue with her, because she’ll just brush you aside. It’s not that she doesn’t care, she just wants to do everything her way, that her way is the best way. I can understand where she’s coming from, but I’m much more compassionate to others…given that I AM a healthcare provider. I may not be a dentist or a doctor, but I still know how to deal with patients, thanks. If I was there, I would have recommended NOT going to the ER and at most maybe calling EMS over to take a look. I mean, who gonna pay the hospital bills?

It’s a huge mess of an issue and once again, I have no power to do anything and I swear that my aunts and uncle are just not understanding enough to take what my grandparents want into much consideration. For some reason they think that because they’re old, they’re stupid and can’t make decisions or have desires and wants. And then other times they don’t want to deal with them and say they’re able to do things, why don’t YOU (meaning me) help. After dealing the whole cable provider switch thing with my grandparents I already warned my mom that she’s going to have to think about moving in with them or something much sooner than anticipated. I was right.

I’ve been holding out and hoping that they would sell me that house for cheap because 1) there is no way I’m going to be able to afford a home with a yard I want for my budget (unless I start working FT. *GASP THE HORROR*) and 2) I really and truly love that house and I know they do and anything I can do to hold on to it for them would be awesome. Plus, as a bonus, all the fixing up I can do for it. None of my relatives want anything to do with that house. They never come visit and seem to be wholly embarrassed of the house. I don’t know why, they grew up there. I’ve always been fond of it for the memories. Just because it’s not big and opulent…

I don’t understand them.

Very productive time off

I missed work on Friday because I just couldn’t do it. So, naturally, I spent it playing video games. I managed to finish Dragon Quest Builders on Saturday and proceeded to spend Sunday (starting around 2pm) building my childhood home in the sandbox mode. Very pleased with myself but I can’t believe it took me 5 hours to do it. Wonderful, wonderful game, btw. My brother has been gone since Friday around noon, down South to wait for my modem to arrive, since I ordered an upgrade plus phone service for that house (why phone? because it’s cheaper than just the internet and since my cell reception is pretty bad there, it’s nice to have a backup. Not to mention the security system ppl need the landline for a good connection, once again because cell is spotty there) and it was set to arrive soon. With my brother gone and my mom at work pretty much every night except Saturday where she works day, I’ve essentially been home by myself, which is awesome. The dogs seem to like it too and I’ve noticed that when there’s just me here, Liana doesn’t act up as much about her food pickiness. Silly pup, taking advantage of people. I like the intermittent interaction with people, but I love the time by myself quite a bit. At least I can pretend I’m on my own for a little. Plus, with my brother effectively living down there for a bit (the modem got delayed due to weather and we finally got notice it will arrive tomorrow), it’s good experience for him to be on his own in his own place, responsible for his own meals and working and all that. Another bonus is that it turns out my kitchen sink hot water pipe froze in the deep freeze we had, so it was really nice to have someone there…this is exactly another reason why I need to sell…the onus of a vacant home on me with the countless disasters that can befall it with no one the wiser is absolutely massive.

Now that I’m starting to feel better, plus with the weather warming up again, I’m feeling productive! We’ve been having issues with the front door latch and lock being crotchety, so now’s the time to fix the locks on the sliding glass doors (both keyed locks are completely inoperable, which, technically, is a great security feature) so that there’s more than one way to get into the house. Now that it’s warming up, it’s less of an issue than it was during the super cold (think 0 and negative degree wind chill), but still needs to be addressed nonetheless. I ended up fiddling with the sliding door locks and started my warrior project of DIY fixing them. That’s how I spent a good chunk of yesterday. Then today I got the new key cylinders in the mail (!!) and proceeded to mess up one and finally after a lot of finagling and frustration, figured it out and replaced one lock! Whoo! All outlined on Stuff! Blog, in case anyone is interested. Just need to order yet another one since I messed up one of them. POWER TOOLS FTW. Still doesn’t address our door problem, since that’s the deck lock, but hey. Practice is better than messing up the real security-concerned door. Not only does it help solve our problem, finally (a few years back, my brother and I both messed with the same locks and I think that REALLY messed them up), but I learned how these locks (super simple concept) and key cylinders operate. All around the time we figured out a trick to the front door.

So many things around the house that need to be fixed/replaced, but getting around to them is kind of just MEH until it really needs to be done. Light some BUTT FIRES.

On that productivity train, I took down all the Christmas decorations since yesterday was the Epiphany of the Lord, meaning the season is officially over. Then I made a roast chicken I’m very proud of and was very nummy, drew out a sketch idea for RW, and decided on the next artistic project I’m going to have. Oh, and I managed to contact the cable peeps to ask about that modem, got groceries, gas, salted the porch, trash and recycle. All in one day! I didn’t spend much time sitting, and brain rotting today. The rest of the weekend saw lots of home cooking by me (dogs love that…), laundry (*shudder*), and hacking my lungs out.

I feel much better now, although I still get into coughing fits. Cough drops and cough medicine loading up tomorrow! That Claritin-D this morning seemed to work well, too. I may have lost weight from this sickness. Lucky!

Next week is only a 3 day work week and since it’s going to be, hopefully, above 50 degrees, I’m going to try my darndest to take advantage of it and try to at last do some fence work or digging. I’ve got to sell that house!!! Even if it means my vacation home and Liana’s playground will be gone forever. Honestly, my siblings have benefitted as much if not more than I have from that house.

I hope all that hanging in and out of the house doing that lock isn’t going to give me another illness or make the current one worse…

Let’s see if I can make it through tomorrow’s work  without scaring anyone away or dying. -_-;;

Happy New Year! Welcome 2018!

…I think the chicken’s still got something for me. Tet isn’t until very close to my birthday. Starting out the year with a bad sore throat. I was feeling kind of bad on Saturday and yesterday was bad, but today is full throttle. Not quite sure what it is…might honestly just be bad allergies since these days winter “dust” is what I’m very much allergic to, but it also could be a minor cold on top of that. I’m feeling overall OK, just upper respiratory problems that no doubt will and is turning into sinus involvement as it always does. Yesterday saw my heart rate increased and subsequently my blood pressure, so maybe it IS some sort of infection. Well. I blame using that toothbrush and toothpaste at the other house. Or even the old food and ingredients. Could’ve been anything, but I’ll stick with the dental products. Learned my lesson. Will always bring my personal own. FIGURES that I have to go into work tomorrow which they hadn’t planned on until the very last moment. That’s going to be fun. Not.

Wow. Starting off on a negative note. That’s a great way to do it.

Let’s see…usually I do the resolutions for the year and compare to last year. I’m too lazy to look it up, so I’ll just state my resolutions for the year.

  1. Physical Fitness: This subject will always be on here and will always be a roller coaster ride! The good news is that in the last few weeks, I’ve been successful in reining back my 6 months of inactivity…still a ways to go to lose the gut, but my strength is doing well. So well, in fact, that my shirts! Are tight! The muscle strength is what’s keeping me in the game. It’s always so hard without results to show for it. My goal this year is to maintain, upkeep and lose some gut weight! This time, however, it will be for me and only for me, not anyone else in the event I lose the motivation again.
  2. Mind Power: My brain is complete mush these days and it’s embarrassing and horrifying. I NEED to fix this! Books, books and more books. I’ve focused so heavily on the body that I forget about the mind. When was the last time I actually read a book? I live close by to TWO count them, TWO libraries. Less tech, more books. I started a thing in 2017 where I promise myself the instant I wake up until I’m done with the whole bathroom routine (about 30 minutes) there will be NO technology involved. Magazines, books, the sky, the dogs. I’ve been successful in doing that and I like it. It helps focus in the morning without the buzz of electronics. For this year, my goal is to try and incorporate that into the night time schedule too. That’s going to be a toughie….
  3. Spirit/Soul: If I have body and mind, I need the last one. Last year was a haze for this one, but I’ve come out of it with much resolve. My spirit health is much better now than it has in the last 2 years and I’m reminded again of who I am and what I believe. Now, for 2018, it just leaves me with maintaining this status and feeding it. It’s amazing how lopsided and lost I feel when my soul health is lacking.
  4. The Heart: Ah. What a sore subject. I can’t believe it took 6 months to get over my relationship, but finally I did. I guess it was the very first serious relationship I’ve ever had, so I can’t be too hard on myself, but it’s absolutely amazing looking back on it all and seeing with opened eyes how it all came about, played out and who I became. I still will not allow myself to view it as a regretful decision, because what better experience is it then, well, experience? I know now what I want, and a better idea of how to go about a relationship, what to look for and such. I’m still going to try, but I won’t be actively looking until I can settle the whole house thing. What really gets me is how weak I became when I lost my independence. As a single individual now, it’s easier to me to respect myself, and it opens my eyes up on how others must feel too.  Ha ha…that’s why I became so weak, though…what man would want such independence and power in a woman?

And there you have it. I have a feeling all of my resolutions from here on out will center around the big 3, and for good reason!

I spent Friday to early Sunday morning at my house down South. I hadn’t been back in so long, I was terrified to be there and kept putting it off. I was allowed the whole day to myself before my brother followed me, of course, and I displayed all the symptoms of dependence on familiarity up until I shaped up. I…love that house. Maybe not the physical house, but what my own house means to me. I freaking love that yard, but all because of how it makes my dogs feel. Liana is like a free spirit when she’s out there. How can I fetter that? What I do know is that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get that again up here unless I win the lottery (hah!) or settle in Manassas and braving all that dumb traffic. The garage, the yard, the huge kitchen…All I need and want is 3 beds 2 baths. Heck I’m good with 2 beds, 1 bath, as long as that yard is awesome. She is free as a bird when she’s running; that’s what I live for: that pure happiness.

That’s what I value most in life. To be happy. Free. Not backed into a corner with no escape. The ability to truly enjoy life. Will a relationship give me that? Will children give me that? Will a higher position and higher pay give me that? Or will they all back me up into that corner I fear so greatly? I don’t know what others live for, but I know what I live for. That’s my secret of life. My life. So that if I died tomorrow, I’d be perfectly content and ready to go, while in the meantime I continue to do what makes me feel fulfilled.

I hope I kick this illness soon. One thing 2017 did afford me was good health. 2018 you’re already giving me flak? Or maybe it was 2017’s last parting shot. Oh! That’s right you didn’t get sick, WHAMMO! That’s low, 17…cheap shot…tricky tricky. It’s all OK when I’m home, but when I have to talk to patients and cough like a crazy person, it is not fun at all.