…FINALLY it’s Friday! I am so happy that it is! This week has been so long and I’ve had such horribly difficult patients these past 2 weeks, that my hand and arm are just killing me! Yesterday was so difficult that my patience was truly running out and I kept wishing it was Friday, yesterday. Well here it is today and I hope and pray that it will be easier. The big one I had yesterday was a medically involved patient who had a small bag connected to his stoma plus a feeding tube. He’d had esophageal-upper stomach cancer and in his own words, “It’s my price to pay for still being alive.” Basically he does not eat because he can’t. He used to be morbidly obese because I’d done his teeth then too. Well. It’s absolutely amazing how much eating food prevents tartar buildup because I was horrified at how much was in there. On top of it all, because the little bag connected to his neck is quite small, I couldn’t use the ultrasonic. All by hand and he was a good patient but I challenge anyone, let alone a medically complex patient like him, to sit through a cleaning like that for almost 2 hours. Basically by the end I’d given up and his jaw was giving out, but the result was vastly different. At least for now because I know it will just come back. Sigh.
Of course then the rest of the day and even before him was populated by all tartar-patients.
Reading my old blog last night encouraged me to try and update more often. Even though I have physical journals to write in, it’s just not nearly as convenient as typing up in here, especially because I tend to save that journal for the severe, hard stuff. It’s much more therapeutic to physically write anything down. Plus, if I want to find an entry quickly like last night, it’s so simple. The quality of my entries these days is so much different and I daresay so much worse than before. Then again it might just be that I’m old now and my posts are more negative? It’s nice to read the underlying emotion around my entries. You should be positive when you’re young. THen you get old like me and super cranky and cynical.
I told a college patient once that I love college students because they’re so idealistic, happy and unconquerable. They’re open-minded and just awesome in that paradise between childhood and adulthood. Then I got cynical and dark so quickly and I saw the change in her when I start injecting too much realism into things and she ran out so fast, lol. Oops. I’m a super realistic person too (dont’ wanna call it pessimism) which is actually hard to handle sometimes. People have accused me of being so cold. A veritable ice queen. I love funny and cute and happy things, but I’m realistic. Which is actually silly because I’m simultaneously emotion-driven. A weird mix. Well. I’ve been trying hard to tamp down the emotion because it makes sound decision-making difficult.
My laptop is running out of juice, so gotta go!