I moved the single most popular post on this blog: the stingray post, to my public blog. It’s working! People are still going to be directed to this blog through search engines, but I’ve provided a link to the newest blog page. Hopefully that one will catch on soon. That way I can try and keep this blog as limited as possible…though I suppose it’s way too late for that, given the amount of followers I’ve garnered (even if they’re fake) and hits that have stacked over time. Oh well. I can hope.
I’ve noticed a distinct change in myself after the end of November. I think I’m officially over my ex. No longer do I think of him when I have downtime. My mom always mentions him every so often and that no longer makes me angry in the pit of my stomach. When sad songs come on, I don’t sit there and wallow in it anymore. I think about it because it’s an experience that happened to me, but that’s it. Sirens don’t have that same gut-punch effect anymore, just like when I take the dogs for a walk. In fact, overall I feel happier, more upbeat, and much less depressed. My grieving time is over, I guess! I’m starting to think about finding someone again, to hang out with and do things with, to be a companion to. I still think and wonder about him, but know I am capable of looking back on everything as a neutral experience. 6 months. Exactly 6 months, in fact. Our anniversary would have been 5 days ago on the 1st of December. It came and went and I was none the wiser. Even having my coworkers talk about their boyfriends no longer makes me jealous and indescribably upset.
For the last 2 weeks, I’ve noticed that I might be more approachable. When I’m out in public people will just randomly start talking to me when in the past it was more of an eep! Look away! escape! kind of vibe I would get from people. Especially with guys and older women. The guys, I’ve noticed smile at me extra and hold eye contact longer than they ever have before. I was in Target the other day looking at lights and this older lady suddenly looked at me and asked my opinion on lights. She disclosed that she usually brings her daughter, but it just so happened that she was alone that day. Of all the people milling around there, she pinpointed me, so I spent the next 10 minutes asking her what she’s looking for, going over options and making recommendations. Am I putting off an attractant aura again? Stronger than ever! I’m available! Mate with me! I need companionship! Maybe I’m feeling that much better again that I’m smiling without even realizing it. It’s like I’m in heat. lol.
Actually, as I look at the schedule of patients since we see most in 6 month intervals, this set of 6-monthers would have been my patient at my worst time this year, emotionally. I must have been fragile and in a bad mood. Eek.
I’ve finally buckled down and bought bigger pants. My scrub pants are way too tight. The thighs just don’t fit! This morning, I got on the scale because my insurance was asking me information and I got a major surprise. GOOD GRAVY I weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life. I weigh 181 pounds. WOWZA. I realize that some of that is muscle, but some of it truly is fat. My midsection is about 1.5 – 2.0 inches over my pants. Yes, I’m working on it, though. Now that I’m less depressed, I’m going to be trying to keep up with the cardio workouts again. In my own defense, though, my muscles have been growing tremendously of late. I have a nightshirt that I’ve been wearing for YEARS. It used to be my mom’s. I wore it this week and there is no way it fits well anymore. The shortsleeve arms get stuck around my biceps, the shoulders are tight and the buttons in the front look about to pop open. What happened? Most of my clothes are like that now. I’ve had to get bigger bras because my ribcage/torso it too big (cupsize is the same lol). I swear that’s why my thighs no longer fit well in my pants, but I really do need to lose some excess fat.
Maybe I should become a body builder. Haha.
Man, this trying to sleep after 11pm thing is so hard for me.
Life... 