I don’t fit in my clothes

And it’s perplexing!

OK, so I did gain a few pounds in the last 6 months, but after some hardcore yardwork and random exercise sessions, I can actually squat and it’s not hard to bend over and then stand up anymore. However, in the last month to month and a half, my scrubs no longer fit well…in particular around the thigh area. In the last few months, I even had to increase my bra size around the torso, not the cup. You’re thinking, honey, you just need to lose a few pounds. Earlier in the year, I was raving about having lost enough weight to fit comfortably in my scrubs. While I agree that I do need to shed some overall fat layers, I argue that I’m not really that fat. Yes, there’s a paunch that definitely could stand to melt away, but if you poke my back and my thighs, they’re hard. I understand that fat can exist on top of muscle, but I’m convinced that much of my puffiness is muscle. My shoulders and arms are filling out my t-shirts again and I feel an overall sense of strength. If you poke my hips, you don’t go through a layer fat to hit bone (at the thinnest point, mind you), it’s right there. I’ve been asking around other, older women, to see if they went through this size change. I had to go out and buy a new jacket/coat because my old, trusty one I just got last year keeps riding up because it won’t fit around my hips. My scrub pants are having the same problem as well as my scrub tops. It’s TIGHT, to the point where I’m terrified I’m going to bust out of them in the middle of the day and have to bring a spare pair of pants just in case. Getting in and out of the car makes me feel like I’m made of wood and can’t bend. The pant legs fit around my calves and hips alright, it’s just getting stuck around my thighs. How is this all happening so suddenly? An age thing?

Or maybe I’m just fat and in denial like fat people generally are. On the plus side (haaaaa) I’ve noticed the male population taking more time to smile at me and being nice, and no one (not even one instance) who sees me walking around has confused me for a man. It’s true that a more curvy (read: fertile and childbearing-equipped) body is highly and evolutionarily attractive to males .

Well, whatever, it doesn’t change the fact that I need to buy new scrub pants and even my jeans/home pants. No more money spending guhhh. I need to save for Christmas presents (running out of time there) and my car service in the new year (I actually should do it now, but I’m trying to push it out as far as possible). A new battery is already required now. Just Dance and DDR need to be a thing now…just I kind of gave up again until the new year. hahahaha.

I spent about 3K this weekend. GOOD STUFF. Because I HAVE THAT MUCH MONEY WUT. Says my heart. My brain says, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

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