Working today

Both WordPress, and me physically going to work, I mean.

Man I don’t want to go in. I stayed up until like 1am because I apparently am all excited about Thanksgiving. I don’t get excited anymore…or maybe I do, but I block it out of my consciousness? Well, the result is that I am super sleepy still. Almost didn’t get up. I hope it doesn’t effect my driving too much. I have tons of kids today too. Guh.

Remember when I kept saying how convinced I was that I had a twin that died before I was born? My mom and I were discussing that again last night. She shed a little more insight on it. She said that she clearly remembered being on the table and that after I was born, the doctor was standing there (he was a small man), and suddenly rushed over and held out his hands to catch a big thing that came out. My mom had always thought it was just the after-birth/placenta, but she remembered that he held his hands about a foot apart and mouth agape. That’s when she went cold from the feet up and they called a code blue because she probably died for a bit. She then recounted that the nurse told her that in the years she worked as a nurse doing that, she had never seen a doctor bring flowers to a mom before. Remember they never told her what happened when she asked, just the nurse there looked at the chart and shook her head sadly before walking away. All the clues point to the same conclusion. Not to mention that mention of a possible second heartbeat at around (as my mom estimates) 3 months. In between 3 and 6 months, is probably when my twin died. And both my mom and I agree that it was a boy. I am absolutely certain it was not another girl. She feels similarly. Maybe that explains why I kept moving around in the womb so much (to get away from zombie sibling?) and why I screamed so earsplittingly loudly as soon as my head was out of the birth canal. I’ve always felt like there was something or someone missing in this world. Just like I like twins because I always felt some sort of a connection to them. My mom said she has to think about whether or not she wants to give a name to my dead brother.

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