About 6 months ago around this time, I broke up with my boyfriend. In many ways I can’t believe it has only been 6 months and yet in others it felt like it was ages ago. There is still pain, regret, sadness and a little resentment thrown in there. Okay, so maybe more than just a little. No matter what, there’s no taking it back and in truth, I’m glad for the whole experience. The nostalgia is real and wound, while healed is a sensitive scar. I think of him less often than before, but I can’t help but be reminded of him in day to day life: the sound of sirens, walking through my home, taking my dogs around the neighborhood, etc. Just yesterday I became overly emotional while on the couch by myself and a commercial came one where if he’d been there he would have made fun of it in such a way and I would laugh and hug him. I miss those magical arms of his and wrapping mine around his body. I remembered that this time last year, I stayed overnight at his place.
I doubt he thinks of me and if he does it’s probably with spite and horrible resentment. I do hope things are going well for him and he found someone else who has the patience he needs.
Anyways. In honor of our 6-month breakup, I dedicate this song to him. It perfectly sums up my feelings at the very end of our relationship.
You Don’t See Me
(as seen in “Josie and the Pussycats”)
This is the place where I sit
This is the part where
I love you too much
Is this as hard as it gets?
‘Cause I’m getting tired
Of pretending I’m tough
I’m here if you want me
I’m yours, you can hold me
I’m empty and aching and
Tumbling and breakin’
‘Cause you don’t see me
And you don’t need me
And you don’t love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
I dream of worlds
Where you’d understand
And I dream a
Million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when
You’re touching my hand
But it twists into smoke
When I turn on the light
I’m speechless and faded
It’s too complicated
Is this how the book ends,
Nothing but good friends?
‘Cause you don’t see me
And you don’t need me
And you don’t love me
The way I wish you would
This is the place in my heart
This is the place where
I’m falling apart
Isn’t this just where we met?
And is this the last chance
That I’ll ever get?
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you
‘Cause you don’t see me
And you don’t need me
And you don’t love me
The way I wish you would
‘Cause you don’t see me
And you don’t need me
And you don’t love me
The way I wish you would
The way I know you could
Life... 