Tuesday Yet Again

It never fails: if it’s a work day, then all of the sudden I can’t get up. A significant difference from yesterday.

My dreams were annoying as I waited for my clock to count down the time, as usual. That low-sleep type of dream: realistic and headache-inducing. Ugh. I did, however, dream during REM sleep realistically and graphically about getting pregnant. I don’t know who the father was (it seemed to drift in an out of switching between male and female) but they were skinny and young. Very fertile to be successful on my first go at it because the next morning it became apparent that I was pregnant so I told my mom and dad who were conveniently sitting quietly at the table. I actually said to them, “Well, I’m going to tell you now since both of you are actually here together, which doesn’t happen often at all, that I’m pregnant.” My sister was really excited because then our kids would be growing up as cousins about the same age. Then I said, “I’m going to need to go shopping for toys,” and she replied that she has plenty of toys to share.

Damn biological clock.

I was thinking the other day about Failed Relationship (yes, it pops up at least once a day because it bothers me to no end that I failed something) and I wondered if it would have been different if we both were idealistic and young. The ridiculously obnoxious screaming priest said in his homily that older married couples say that they love each other so much more and deeply after all these years, more than when they were first married. Yes it makes sense because of the psychologically approved steps in romantic love that it would mature if you make it that far. That’s what got me thinking, because he had a failed marriage, himself. Besides his accusation of me always being 10 steps ahead of him in life, well, he was 10 steps ahead of me in the relationship-sense. New couples tend to be all over each other because you just can’t get enough. I watch married couples walk together and they really don’t touch that much. When I was with him, I wanted to be in skin contact all the time: holding hands, linking arms, etc, because I just loved him so much. That new, young love. I realize at some point that phase would pass because you are in such close proximity after a while you don’t need to do that. He was married for a year or two, before it went bad. I realized during the time that he didn’t like when I did that, like it was unnecessary. Maybe it was because he didn’t need that anymore. That’s why I wonder if we were both in the same boat relationship experience-wise, would it have been different? He wouldn’t have had other experiences to pull on, not like me. I dunno. Speculation is speculation. I wonder what it’d be like for me to go back into a relationship again? What would be different for me? I’m no longer a greenhorn. Maybe more bluish.

Castlevania the anime on Netflix? Really enjoyed it. They need to release more!

Some of my debts are almost gone!!!! Hallelujah! I’m so STOKED to be able to rid myself of these! That way I don’t have to worry about it anymore and dedicate those payments to SAVING MONEY. AWAAAAH!

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