Boy! That was lots of rain yesterday! And then the wind! I was proud of myself: it thundered and lightning’d at work but I held my cool. Being focused and having to be professional about something is really helpful in dealing with fear. I keep telling my patients that if a bee got into the operatory I would leave and someone would have to kill it before I came back in, but I think I’d be forced duty-wise to hold my terror in check as much as possible.

My two fears-that-are-almost-phobias.

So another one of my friends is married. It’s interesting: you always know within a year of seeing a couple together if they will end up married or not. Now…whether or not it stays that way in the long run is yet to be seen…I haven’t lived long enough to see bitter ends like that yet. At least not too many…there was one who had a nasty divorce because her husband was found to have forcibly sexually assaulted people. There’s just…something between them…and so you just know. Apparently, though, aside from on this blog, I appeared that way too because when it was over literally everyone was appalled. Hah…I mean…I was so certain myself after that first year that he was the one I wanted. My heart was devoted and dedicated. It would never have worked out, no matter how right I did it, though, because it takes two, and there were warning signs everywhere. But. Hindsight is 20/20.


My old pups. Took them out to a trail today. No aquatic rodent, but neither one wanted to go home! Even the old lady who gets tired so quickly these days. She saw the car and didn’t want to go to it. They’re so  happy just being in nature…you should have seen her face, her nose going a mile a minute taking in the scents, the breeze, the sun. Yes, we had sun this morning. Hard to believe now, but there was. Mud, rain…none of those bother my two in the least. I…don’t know what I’m going to do when I don’t have trail buddies anymore after they’re gone. Someone not afraid of getting their clothes or shoes dirty, someone whose company is more than enough on a trek like that, someone who can get up early, someone who can appreciate little things like that caterpillar or that mushroom…someone who can walk in the peace of the trees and is hit by how infinitesimal our existence is; suddenly our worries and problems matter so little in the grand scheme of things.

Ah. The dreams of a dreamer.

Another relaxing Saturday of video games. No money spending this time!!


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