I think I need to clean my room…

I hopped onto bed and picked up my laptop + lap desk like I always do. Something tickles my legs and I think it might be the tag on the lap desk, so I pay it no mind. All of the sudden I see a black thing scurry away from me and it dawns on me that it’s a bug. A fraction of a second of glancing at it positively identifies an arachnid. Cue the alarm bells in my head and subsequent leap to safety. Spider’s location is noted and I go into the bathroom, searching for a container of any kind. I find my used Renuzit Pearl Scents container with used and diminished spheres, empty as much of it into the trash can as possible and race back in, praying that it is where I left it. It IS. YESSS. Clamp container over foe and then realize that I’ve got nothing to slide under it. Good thing my room is a mess but also small. I find a random envelope (it has to have some strength to it) and slide it in slowly. Spider freaks out, but is held at bay by the oily fragrance of melted pearl spheres. I don’t know if they can smell or not, but DANG I’d have passed out stuck in that much scent. As I was searching for paper I realized my folly at not cleaning the container out better, but it did have the side effect of creating a scent/physical cage ring. Of course, with spider safely under container, I try to take pictures of the poor thing and find that indeed it is terrified of the liquefied gel pearls. Then it’s a trip to the deck where it can, in the words of The Shredder: “Go. Play. Have fun.” I put the paper on the ground, and lift up the container. Spider about freaks out and instead of wandering off, tries to make itself small in the middle of the ring of liquid fragrance. So I help and put it into a plant pot.

I am not a bug killer unless it is a fly, a gnat or a mosquito. If it’s bigger than a mosquito/fly then I will try my best to “save” it by relocating it to the outdoors. Technically I might be dooming the critters, but its better than being a floor pancake. As much as I try to be friendly to them, I can’t deny the heebie jeebies that are written into my genome. My body has been on high alert, hypersensitive to airflow for the last 10 minutes. Logically, though, it was a hunter-type spider so no webs and since house spiders typically are loners, no real threat of multiple ones. At least it was a jumper spider. Those things are crazy scary.

Man…I can tell you spider stories. I remember very vividly being bitten by a light brown/tan-ish almost pink/purple/gray one back in the house I grew up in. It was in the raised bed where we usually grew carrots. I can’t remember what season it was, but there were dead leaves and such in it, so I was just trying to help clean things out. It was morning on a weekend, and everyone was inside. I just loved being outdoors so there I was. I think my mom was supposed to come out, but hadn’t made it yet. Anyways, it must have just rained because things were moist. I put  my hands in and picked up a bunch of the dead leaves, carrying it to the kudzu jungle we had. It was cold and wet but I could care less because I loved dirt and getting my hands dirty. I reach in for the second round and OUCH something gets me with a good amount of force. Sharp and with oomph behind it. Alarm bells in the head and I retreat. My hand is dirty so it’s hard to tell what happened, but it immediate swelling and aching meant bite, so I look into the pile and see said spider. It was BIG, man. Hunter type too. It was the exact color of the leaves and debris, no way I would have spotted it on my own. In fact, more than likely it was sleeping or hiding lying in wait and I disturbed it. It was a substantial spider…all broad a plate-like…I wonder if I can find a similar picture of it. I ran inside and cleaned off my hands, making visible the distinct bite marks of a spider and the sudden onslaught of pain. I didn’t want to tell my mom because 1) I was supposed to have waited for her and 2) she had repeatedly told me that I needed to wear garden gloves while doing yard work, and I’d shrugged it off. Then I went back outside, found some garden gloves and continued back over to clean it out, but by then the spider was gone and I couldn’t show anyone even if I wanted to. I think I was 10ish.

Another spider adventure was in Kilmarnock in the dental clinic. That thing was absolutely MASSIVE and by then I was in my 20s. I’d seen it before in a basket and had almost reached down to throw it away because it looked like trash, but I suddenly grew lazy and decided to let someone else deal with it. Good decision or spiritual guidance or whatever because later we saw it crawling around and let me tell you how big this thing was…longest legs I ever saw on a spider in real life and when I rescued it in a Cavicide container I could SEE THE HAIRS ON ITS BACK AND HEAD. And all its eyes too. It was too big to clamp the container over either, so I had to guide it in with a high speed suction tip. After that, it occurred to me that it was the same brown thing I’d seen in that basket, so I went to look and OMG I WAS RIGHT. The brown thing was gone. I guess I’d woken it up when I removed the basket stacked over the one it was sleeping in.

I feel like there is one more major spider adventure, but I forget now and I’m sleepy too. I’ve rescued many an arachnid in my life. I’m rather proud of it and will continue to do.

Now, though, I have to live with this ultra strong fragrance stain I left on my blanket.

So after some internet searching, I’m leaning towards either Hobo Spider or Woodlouse Hunter for the 10 year old bite.

Woodlouse Hunter Spider

Hobo Spider

And I am QUITE certain now that I’m looking at pictures, that the one in Kilmarnock was a Huntsman Spider. Those long legs bring back the memory of it sleeping folded up in the baskets.

This picture looks almost exactly like what I remember

Wow. Reading about these guys, it’s amazing how much “bigger” they all seemed at the time of seeing them in person. GUUUUH I am so ITCHY and paranoid looking through all of these spider pictures!

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