I’m jealous. Oh so jealous of other people and their happy relationships. I faulted my mom for these exact same feelings after the divorce and now I understand it completely. Of all the people to choose, we ended up choosing those who cared more about themselves than anyone else. And still do. I see boyfriends and husbands who think of their women (and children!), do things for them, so that their lives can be easier, happier and more enriched. No one is perfect but the mere fact that they care more for the well-being of someone other than themselves is heartwarming. My boyfriend bought me this, he took me there, we did this together, he made this, picked this out for me…because he thought I’d like it. Spending the time to do something merely because you think I’d like it means so much more to me than how much it costs. Time is money but money can’t buy more time. That green pang of jealousy when I see how sweet other men can be is impossible for me to stop from happening…I need to try and be happy for people. That bitterness is creeping steadily in no matter what I do. 


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