It Took One Week.

One. Just one.

For my body to balloon again. I can feel it in my thighs, midsection, backflab and neck. I get tired easily from just wandering up the stairs and I feel overall very lazy in general. My pants, shirts and underwear are tight again.


And why did this come about? A variety of reasons: stress from all this bad luck, stress from still trying to get over Failed Relationship (though this is quickly leaving my system now that I’m more mad than sad), staying home for a week sitting on the couch playing video games from morning until evening, snacking the entire time I’m sitting, eating not-so-healthy things like an entire bag of Now and Laters in 2 days and the majority of a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts, not being able to walk nearly as far with the dogs since Liana got her spine problem and now summer heat, and finally, being bad about not incorporating cardio into my workouts and just doing weights.

Let me stop here and complain about why doughnuts are spelled donuts? I’ve grown up spelling it the former and these days everyone corrects me by spelling it donut?

As I’ve mentioned in the past, fat and lazy really do go hand in hand. At the risk of being flamed, fat creates lazy and lazy perpetuates fat. It’s a biological mechanism built into us as animals, humans. Fat people in general deny things like fat and lazy don’t go together, but be true to yourself and think about it. Do you get up and go get the remote? Do you leave off doing things until later a lot instead of getting it done now? Why? No real excuse, just don’t feel like it? Be true, don’t lie to yourself. I only know this because I feel the exact way when I’m putting on weight and staying there. Fighting the battle all the time, you know? When I’m in storage mode I am as lazy as can be and the fat count on me is proof plus the amount and quality food I’m ingesting plus my poor habits that are less than ambitious. I want fried chicken. Fries. Doughnuts. Candy. Chips. When I’m in active mode, I don’t crave snacks, I’m always on the go wanting to go places and do things, I get things done, I eat portion controlled amounts of food naturally, I’m focused. I crave fruit, meat, vegetables and exercise.

Get back into active mode, dummy! How to flip that switch? Work out and keep at it no matter how bad you feel. The first time you try the schedule it feels like hell, like you’re going to die, like vomiting, that there’s no way you can do this, and mostly, you feel defeated and depressed because holy crap what happened to my muscles. The more you keep it up, the more you keep overcoming that mental block, the easier the gets until the transition from storage into active is like a snap of the finger. It’s the journey there first. Not fitting into your clothes properly is a fantastic motivator, especially with the beach looming.

I realized yesterday, dancing around and singing, that I’m getting happier again. I’m noticing things like I used to, like bugs and birds.

Work was pretty frustrating yesterday. Some people are Speedy Gonzalez when under pressure, others do the opposite and turn into molasses, like they give up. Very irritating. My co-worker keeps talking about how this and that is going to happen when she gets pregnant which she is obviously planning very soon and moving into a house and such. I understand the pressure she’s under from herself, family and friends, but dang girl, slow it down. It’s too stressful to rush. Let it happen. She wants sooo badly to be out of her situation and this is it. The folly in that is that it is a rush and too much of one so you make a mistake. Of course, then it reminds me of me and talk about pressure…I look around me and everyone’s moving ahead full steam. Then there’s me and I’m…jealous. Really and truly I am. Why and when? Then…what? How much more learning must I do? What is it I need to achieve first? I tried the go-grab-the-bull-by-the-horns approach (ha. almost literally…) to jumpstart the process, but every time I do that, it doesn’t pan out. Learning experience, yes, but bluh.

Beh. Que cera cera. No point in worrying about something I have no ability to change right now anyways. Just waiting now. Wait wait wait wait. Always waiting for everything.



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