Remember how I texted M again about finding like 5 minutes so I can give him his stuff. Never responded. I’m getting irritated. I’ll try one more time in a few weeks and  then I’ll just drop them off at his house. I can’t even figure out why he wouldn’t respond, they’re his things! I can’t just ship them through the mail either because one item is significant enough that I don’t want to. Maybe I can text his mom…doesn’t seem right though, you know? Why? If he doesn’t want to see me, it’s one thing, but why doesn’t he just say that…see? That was one of the things too. You really can talk to me about things, almost anything. Some subjects are less desirable to talk about, but especially if the other person is someone you’re casing to be your life mate, it should be discussed and you shouldn’t feel like it’s off-limits! Otherwise you’re going to have problems forever. And we did. Only other thing I can think of is that he was sad all along about my decision to split up, and once again didn’t disclose anything. When I did that he was all gung-ho about it, basically supporting the decision from his side as if he’d been thinking about doing that all along. I mean, he’s so happy now too from what I gather. Never seen him so lighthearted on social media and I see him on Steam playing the games he couldn’t bring himself to buy. Doesn’t matter, though, because I decided and realized now having been apart that we never would have worked anyways and hadn’t been working for coming up on a year.

…with all of that said, last night as I gnawed on my terrible luck before sleeping all I could think of was him. I just needed someone bigger than me, stronger than me to hold me and tell me everything’s going to be ok. It’s a lot to deal with on your own. My family is supportive, but I need someone who’s on the same level as me, you know? Someone physically there. Sigh. Then again he was never good at comforting…but neither am I.

In other news, Liana is doing better according to the vet. Her foot/nerve response is much better than before, but he basically scolded me for taking her off all her meds. Told me to finish the Gabapentin and strict no off-leash for another month (I let them off leash at my grandparent’s house on Sunday). Progress is good! Apparently a slipped disc can heal? I didn’t know that.

If everything and everyone can make it to September and our beach trip, I will be happy. Haha….I have to set short term goals now otherwise I might have a nervous breakdown.


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