Tuesday Again

Time just keeps going and going, huh? It stops for no one and is completely relentless.

Facebook so nicely informed me that my old roommate (the one I hated) is now engaged. I’m happy for her, I really am, but I can’t help but feel that pang of sadness again. Even though last night I wrote about how healed I am now that it’s almost July, the reality of my situation is still, well, my reality. Single with no hope of starting a new relationship until next year, if that, because I still need my own place first. And it’s not like starting a relationship is like, OK I’m ready for a relationship…GO! The process took me over a year last time  and see how it turned out? It’s worse when you hate someone because you think yourself better than them and the fact that they’ve surpassed you is really a big ego blow. With her engaged, it means that I am one of the only ones left. Doesn’t help that my mom keeps hinting at me having kids too and these days since I’ve relaxed my decision on kids by a lot (thanks for nothing M…). It would be nice for my sister’s kid(s) to have cousins because otherwise they’d be literally on their own for both sides of their family. All of the people I thought would have such a hard time finding a life partner are either now married, been married or engaged…as far as I know, happily too.

In a way it’s hope-inducing because if they can do it, so can I, but not only is it getting late in life, I’m getting set in my ways, and my life situation is unforgiving. That’s the nice thing about being young: you’re flexible, malleable and because you don’t have much life experience to pull on, there’s no limiting factors or barriers to jade your way of thinking. Anything goes. That is also risky, but given the right players, it’s an adventure that can pull you closer together than anything else.

With all of this said, I realize (and also from my own less-than-happy experience with marriages, having watched so many disintegrate or fester before my eyes) that not all of these currently happy couples will remain that way. In another 10 or 20 years, if our patient population is anything to pull from, there will be some nasty divorces, usually when kids are in their teens. I hope, really, that this is not the case because it is not a fun experience, but it is a reality.

Huh. Come to think of it, it’s true: the bad divorces happen when the kids are around 14-17 years of age. Late teens. Hardest time to raise kids with the added financial stress looming in the future. Do people get tired of each other? Intolerant? Distant because of the kids? The single couples at work are always happy. They retire early, never have money issues, and are always travelling. Never any bad divorces there. Then you get your happy families…I’ll have to start observing those families since I seem to notice all the negative ones.

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