Day: June 13, 2017

Can 2017 get any more dramatic?

Really? REALLY!!!!!!!!????

Spent last night watching music videos with the family, but everything was overshadowed by this new development. Even my constant internal heart battle takes a sideline for this.

Starting yesterday, Liana is limping. I thought Sunday afternoon’s walk where she was dragging was the result of heat, and similarly Monday morning. But she was acting funny yesterday in the house afterwards too. In fact, in retrospect she’d been a bit like that even Sunday night. She was lethargic, and she was napping in weird places, not really wanting to get up. Even on the morning walk she wasn’t interested in being mad at her mortal dog enemy the old man with the black dog. Her attention to critters is still around, but the intensity isn’t the same. Even when I was feeding her bits of good food, it was effort to get up. Things really became evident when I went to go walk them that afternoon. She was visibly limping then, holding her paw to me. My heart sank to my feet at that, but I tried come up with a simpler solution like maybe an external wound. We went on the walk which wasn’t going to be long anyways owing to the heat, and she was slower than she’s ever been in her life. It was truly heartbreaking to see that. Gable was busy being oblivious, of course. She walked like she was about to fall over and every so often her foot would just flip over while walking. We get home and I check and examine her all over, testing joints, trimming claws, doing a nerve test. Nothing was amiss. She could feel on them, she didn’t flinch anywhere and to me, at least, the joints and bones didn’t show any swelling.

And that is the reason why I worry. Osteosarcoma is cancer and it really doesn’t hurt until they start affecting joints and acts like walking and running. Liana is a tough dog, so when she says something hurts, you listen. The little yips and whines whenever she tried to get up or turn around….they’re scary. Very scary.

I can’t afford cancer treatment and if I have to go the route of amputation I have to cancel the vacation trip.

But, for the moment, I will keep an eye on her instead. I’m hoping and praying that it’s just a sprain or muscle aching from her crazy dog running Saturday night. She’s an old lady and spirited running, her body doesn’t tolerate like it used to, silly girl. Gave her some old Rimadyl last night to try and help relieve pain and it seemed to be better when we went down for last potty before bed.

This morning she came into my room and I reached out to touch her and poked her in the eye instead, making her yip loudly, but when she tried to get up, same yip. However, the walk was much faster paced than last night. She was careful on the stairs and uneven terrain and her desire for squirrel tracking hasn’t waned. She knows that she can’t race after them, so she chooses to stealth them instead. Clever girl… I watched her trying her best to keep up with me and Gable as if she wasn’t in pain, but her gait tells a slightly painful story. I’m hopeful that she feels better.

I was prepared for Gable not to make it to the beach, although I hope he does, but I did not in a million years plan on losing her just yet. …it looks like I need to plan for it after all. The desperation I feel for needing them to make it on what I already knew and know would be their last beach vacation with us, is oh so strong.

I’m not sure how much more pain I can endure this year. Pain and sorrow. Then again, getting it all out at once is possibly beneficial instead of a prolonged and extended pain?

No, no, happy thoughts, hopeful thoughts.

I’m going to enjoy her and him while they’re still with me.