Waiting for Laundry

Tomorrow I’m taking my brother’s car to work so he can take my car in for service; that is one great thing about him working from home.

Update on the dad situation: he finally sent the alimony but he takes the time to write basically a mantra on the memo line about what a terrible person she is. He also put a sticky on a typed up and cut out piece of paper. The sticky was hand written saying he deducted the certified mail fee from the checks (no one asked him to send it certified) and the typed up (with bolded and colored words. OOOooo colored printing…) portion (from what I quickly gleaned from it…no point in reading it when I already know what it is)  basically a tirade of what an evil, horrible, etc, etc person she is, written in Vietnamese as if it could never be translated by anyone. You know, it’s so stupid that he does that because I know for a fact that we could successfully sue him for harassment. Seriously it’s like his mantra or curse for her. Here’s an interesting tidbit: he started withholding the alimony 2 months ago. For the past few months I’ve been blissfully sleeping through the night (aside from the bf drama nights), not waking up until close to wakeup time. I didn’t really think much about it until my mom mentioned that he had stopped paying. Starting about a week ago (a little after I typed up that letter for my mom) I realized that I started waking up every day again around 1-3am. Which makes me tired at work. I can pinpoint the patient I told that couldn’t sleep because I woke up and follow it back to the very first day this whole wake-up thing started up again…right around when he should’ve gotten our letter. I will swear up and down that it’s voodoo or something similar. Really.

I was scrolling through my news feed on Fbook, when I came across this post by one of my friends. It was a comic and when I saw it, my heart ached, because it hit so close to home. Here, let me post it. (http://www.webtoons.com/en/slice-of-life/lunarbaboon/list?title_no=523)

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I had been talking to my brother and all of the sudden, I dipped back down inside of myself. It is perfect. It is exactly how I feel about him. And it really made me sad. So very sad. Doesn’t help either that last night I found myself really missing him. I’d been playing in my mind what to do when I meet him again (and probably for the last time, no matter what my wishes to remain in his life…I know him. He’s the kind of guy who prefers a clean cut, to prevent the pain from having to be experienced over and over) to return his things, what to say, etc. I know, now, that we would have never worked out. We just don’t have enough in common or enough compatibility to make it work out in the end. I’d always known this…but I didn’t want to believe it. Regardless of this knowledge, this fact, I love him. I love him a lot. That won’t change and no one can make me change that. He’ll always have a place in my heart and I will always want to do what it takes to make him happy. Even if that’s just to stay away from him forever. When I said that line in my head: There’s not much I won’t do to make you happy, I broke down. How often have I said that he deserves to be happy?  This comic gets it.

It’s been 2 weeks. How long does it take to get over someone? Is there a limit? Never? There’s still a chunk missing out of my life. Someone my arms ache to hold. To have hold me. I was so calm, so chill, so seemingly normal…but it’s there. It’s still there. And it’s incredibly painful.

It’s 11pm. Time for me to sleep. Hopefully all night through.

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