Was out walking the dogs on this beautiful Friday morning in late spring (a playing-hooky kind of day). Other resident dog walkers were out too. We were turning our corner when I hear yelling and the guy walking his dog across the street stopped walking. Soon thereafter we hear a “NOO” and the mouth it belongs to: a jogger guy and his shepherd dog. The repeated “NOO, NOO” he keeps bellowing at the dog as they run our direction is very loud for early morning, and obviously seeing the possibly  out of control dog coming up on us at high speed, I stop too, a distance away to let them pass. He suddenly sees us and we receive another, “NOOO, leave her. Leave them.” He had seen Liana but not Gable. Liana, of course, wild child that she is, is very interested in dog-in-elevated-state-of-stress (definitely male, given Gable’s complete lack of interest…he only likes girls) and as the shepherd passes in front of us, you can kind of see the guy pulling back on him and running forward and the dog staring at us, close mouthed and big eyed and a bit miserable but excited. All very comical, really. They pass behind the big bush, out of sight, and Liana suddenly starts whining loudly (in her deep, throaty kind of way), feeling suddenly agitated herself, and barks after them, so I have to command her to back up and stop the reaction. It’s a quick response and she looks up at me not with remorse or apology for acting out, or fear of my reprimand, just worry. She is my barometer for dogs. I trust her reaction to them.

Haha. Gable…no girl? Meh.

My brother and I were having a major discussion about our current situation and future goals here, impeding my working out. I haven’t worked out since Tuesday. Or was that Monday? It spanned 2 hours. Our lives are taking a hard hit right now. My monster of a father is making it all worse, but my mom doesn’t help either. Can’t change what’s already been done, but I’ve been trying so hard to break out of this pattern it’s so very frustrating. Unfortunately for me nothing can happen until next year and even then it might even be another year after that.

I don’t plan on joining the dating world again until I get my own place, but that doesn’t sound plausible for almost 2 years??? Geez. I don’t know if I can wait that long. This biological clock is really ticking away. I know that good things come to those who wait, but how much longer? I’m so tired of my blocked lifestyle right now.

In regard to heartache and heartbreak, I’m about 90% over him. Every so often in the car when a song picks up, I’ll think about it and am sad again, but I’m strengthened and defended by what he couldn’t do for me despite everything I did for him. My brain has won and my heart has gone into its cage again. Rattles around every so often. In fact, I am ready to find another, a better.

…I still need to give him back his stuff. Can I do it…?

 You know, listening to my plethora of songs in my car for 2 weeks now, it’s absolutely amazing how many of them deal with heartache. Is that one of the only reason people write songs? Anyways, its rather comforting to know that so many before more me, new and old, have experienced the same set of emotions. Tale as old as time, indeed. And of course, being me, I find it all very fascinating from an observational perspective.


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