It’s Raining, It’s Pouring

I don’t usually allow my dogs in the room with me at night (there are beds in here but they don’t start out in my room. By morning someone has come over though) but given the storm going on tonight for both my and Gable’s sakes this works out. He refused to go to his room and I appreciate his presence. 

I know I’m 3 decades into life but my fear of storms is still true and raw. The rain is growing louder and louder as I type this. Lightning and thunder are occurring as well. Rain, I am ok with because it’s just rain but my blood pressure is definitely elevated and heart is racing just listening to it. The real fear for me is the thunder and I have an association fear of loud rain and lightning. I don’t think I will ever be rid of this. When I’m working I have to remain strong, but believe me it cuts deep. And driving? I swear one of these days I’m going to get a heart attack having to drive through and bad thunderstorm. The dogs make me stronger in that I need to remaim calm for them but to be perfectly honest, they’re much less afraid of storms than I am. They should be comforting me….

…maybe that’s what Gable is doing for me?

I remember, vividly, so many sweat soaked nights of me hiding, horribly frightened underneath the blankets and clutching onto my stuffed animals almost on the verge of panic but trying not to run to my mom because she’d just send me back. All the way through college. Up here the storms don’t get nearly as bad as the south. Hah. How come weather things aren’t so bad in the north?

Maybe I have a phobia. Guh. Thunderstorms and bees. My worst fears.

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