So on top of all these amazingly positive entries I’ve been posting, my status as the Grim Reaper, or Angel of Death, however you want to look at it, is still secure at work.
This makes…what…5 patients now that have died having been my last patient this year? That’s a rate of one patient a month for 2017. There are plenty more in the past, that I just didn’t think much about, but it’s become such a commonplace occurrence now that it really does start to bother me. Not just me, either, but my coworkers are starting to notice and light-hearted joking ensues. The worst part about 2017 patients, so far, is that most of them have been young. Like middle aged, not elderly. It makes it better when they’ve been sick or elderly, but two big ones come to mind that were sudden and completely unexpected.
I also have a couple patients now that I haven’t seen in a while and it’s starting to worry me. One patient a month ago I took the initiative to call because we hadn’t seen him in a while. Thankfully he was OK and came in soon thereafter to see us. That was fortunate but also a little scary because you can just imagine him, a regular, routine patient, just sitting at home in the dark waiting to die. For all we know that was the exact case. I already see most of the dementia patients, who we all know will expire at some point. Doesn’t make it better, though.
There’s a young squirrel on the tree outside my window looking for twigs to eat.
I understand that in this job, you will see people pass away, and every so often is OK, but it always seems to be after I see them. And I repeat, that my coworkers and bosses have really started to notice the pattern too.
My mom told me to look at it like I’m preparing them for their death journey. I already did that for Tristan the Doberman. Right after I had him with me, did his teeth, claws, gave him a bath, I also helped him leave this world.
Is there a spirit riding on me now? Will I be forever cursed? At least it’s not malevolent. Maybe I really am preparing. I always try to provide the most relaxed and calm environment to my patients, in a place where most people are extremely nervous.
…Who will take care of me, for once? I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing until then.