Friday.

WHAT a ride the last 2 days have been. I think (hopefully) that it’s just smooth sailing from here. I took him home yesterday and his foot continued to bleed (as stated in the last entry) which continued that feeling of fear and worry that’s been sapping at me. My cortisol levels must have been out the ROOF. woof. Went out to get that “magic medication” we had such a hard time finding, at the human hospital pharmacy (apparently they specialize in compounding medication which makes sense considering they’re attached to a human hospital). It was a little worrying leaving them home alone like that, but he was so out of it I wasn’t that concerned. Plus Liana is overjoyed at having him home I wouldn’t expect anything negative from her. As I was driving home I thought about all the comfort food I wanted: fries, a pan pizza, fried chicken, chocolate, ice cream, cheeeese, Chick-fil-a…and then I remembered I had NO MONEY. Like, negatives. Debt. CREDIT CARD DEBT. I had some cash but I need everything I’ve got. Sooo I went home and ate food from the fridge.

He was still out, so I woke him up to give him his medications and proceeded to try and settle down. TV, games. My body didn’t WANT to settle down yet, so I pestered people and finally forced myself to chill the hell out. The best reaction people could’ve given me and which they did was to ignore me, like you ignore and annoying dog. Ate food, and started a new game to try and get myself interested. He decided to wake up and jump up onto a different bed, making his foot bleed some more, so I got him onto his King bed and he settled into a drugged sleep…to the point where when I came to check on him later I could not get him to wake up. He was breathing and pulse was good so it wasn’t too concerning and I remembered myself after my wisdom teeth came out. They’d given me so much anesthesia I literally could  not get up. I remember to this day trying my hardest to get up and keep my eyes open to no avail. Then started my anxiety ridden game switching, tv watching, and phone checking went on until my mom came home.

With her help we took them on a walk. Gable was awake and alert by then. She took Liana and I took him. I knew he’d need to go slow, but as usual he wanted to be with the pack and tried really hard to keep up with my mom and Liana. We had to split up because he was getting tired and trying hard not to show it. Trooper. Came back home and he seemed happy because everyone was home. Happy but tired. I was very pleased that despite all the knocking about his foot was perfectly dry and no bleeding. It remained that way into this morning. He does OK on shorter steps, but the longer steps he had a big problem with. He went for it anyways and slept with me last night. I don’t usually like him in the room with me at night, but he deserves it and one night without him knowing he—-he’s trying to come up the stairs on his own—let me go now.

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