It is now 3pm and it has gotten much easier to talk to people. Sometimes that little tug back into myself happens but less of it. The sun is out now, but interestingly it took a one month old to burn through most of the dark. His crying and his mom and that whole situation made me smile and I genuinely thought it was cute and funny. I still don’t talk nearly as much or openly as usual and I’m avoiding my co-workers for the most part, but I feel it melting away….that I can be back to normal.
I will say that it so far has caused most of my patients to be noticeably uncomfortable around me. There is much more seat shifting than normal even though without the talking I’m able to focus on technique. I know I throw my emotions intensely. It is interesting to see the results….however at the jeopardy of my patients’ comfort…. I don’t want it.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. I hope so. The power of a baby. Dogs and babies are as natural as it gets. I need to draw power from that.