Tired…

It was almost 90 degrees yesterday and work still had no A/C. Going through all of that, allergies, long commute and lack of sleep I came home an absolute wreck. My L submandibular lymph node was tender to the touch and the area of my right ovary felt inflamed and crampy for some reason. I feel bad for my dogs because I didn’t feel like I had enough energy to keep going. After some water, dinner and lying down for a bit playing Xenoblade X (one of my favorite things about the Wii U is being able to play on the gamepad while someone watched something on the TV) I suddenly felt better. Thank goodness for my mom being home and cooking cuz…yeah.

My mom had her weekly phone convo with my grandma and as usual they were talking about me and M. Sounds like I have support from the uncle, and my other aunts are eager to meet him. My grandma is still terrified that he will abuse me and hurt me and that he’s not good for me (given his past of his own abusive father and his large size I guess?), but my uncle came to his defense.

As I struggle to take everything in from a 3rd party perspective, I have to remember that my family means well and only wishes for my happiness. I’ve been trying hard to hold in my emotions as people tell me things like that, more critical, because I know that love is blind and one sided initially. They see things I can’t see, or don’t want to see, and that is invaluable to me and my decision. M, himself (remember I told you he’s really very perceptive), noted to me last night that he needs me more than I need him–especially with his family going through even more drama. He still wishes to live with us.

We had gone out to dinner with him on Friday (I’ve been trying to accomplish that with my mom since the beginning) and to me it was a total win. My brother obnoxiously made him sit in the back with my mom on the ride there, and then finally conceded on the way back, later commenting that he wanted to force them to talk in the back. Dinner went without a hitch in my opinion, though my mom couldn’t think of anything to say really. Good thing my brother has turned into a fount of conversation lately. Ride back was fine even though I was super tired and can’t drive when it’s dark. Then he, my brother and I played Enter the Gungeon for the rest of the night…first time we’d ever done that. Later he told me that he loved that dinner was so peaceful and no drama. That surprised me a bit because, well, that’s how all our outings are…is there another way to do it? If I think back enough I might remember some of the more charged meals with the Dark Side…maybe that’s what it is.

Speaking of 3rd person perspective, I do realize that apples don’t usually fall too far from a tree and I’m not naïve enough to think that he won’t be like his family at all–I have a great example of that in my life who is no longer with us. However, it’s common for people to take on the lifestyle of others around them, so maybe and hopefully our relative tranquility will rub off on him because I flat out refuse to return to a life like that.

Since I worked on Monday this week, tomorrow it my last day…the week is getting more charged as it progresses as usual and it IS THURSDAY tomorrow. Either way I’m kind of glad that it’s going to rain on Friday because I initially wanted to play tennis with him, but I’m a bit tired, so I’ll go clean his teeth along with my co-worker’s and then we’ll kind of hang out somewhere. CUDDLE DAY???

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