Can’t Belive It

In the last 2 days I’ve run into my first bouts of jealousy in this relationship…no in any relationship. Since I strive to remain as objective about life as possible, it bothers me to no end that I even feel this way…never thought I’d be petty enough to do that. I’ve not felt truly jealous of anything since I was a kid–20 some years now. It’s such a foreign feeling that yesterday I thought it was just PMS and springtime giddiness making me irritable. While it still may be the case, it didn’t go away overnight and continues on even today. Yup, that bolus in the pit of my stomach that won’t dissipate…unless he texts me. So who’s it with? No not another girl…but with his friends on a game. HS friends from over a decade ago. He was so happy when he finally texted me to say that he loves the game and catching up on years with his friends. I was tersely happy and feigned interested. Even in the midst of my responses half of me was green while the other half was confusedly staring at the green. I should be happy that he’s happy. And when we text it’s not like we’re adding anything in particular to the relationship besides that communication…I mean for the last year…? months…? he’s been totally into me and me him and we’d text constantly, but you get to the point where you run out of things to text and say.

SO WHY DOES IT BOTHER ME? I’m petty. PETTY. CHILDISH. A BRAT. And I need to get over it. GEEZ. I used to think that I’d be totally cool if he had female friends and hung with them, because I trust him and why else would it matter? But now with this…? My brain knows full well that I can trust him…that’s why I liked him to begin with. My heart is sick with envy and over what??? friends??? online???? Good golly…does this mean I’m in deep?

I need to wrap my brain around this some more.


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