That could have been me!!

So my brother and I were channel surfing yesterday and I found something on ESPN 2 that sounded interesting: Obstacle Course: Frogrun. I think. Anyways instead I found myself watching a special on Abby Wambach of the women’s soccer team. We changed the channel after 10 minutes because I thought it was just a commercial or something…where is my obstacle course show???

However, what I ended up seeing of her made me feel just a little bit sad, but only because of what they were saying about her: that when she plays she has no regard for herself physically, that she’s focused, she’s tough, and will basically win at any cost. A coach said, she plays exactly like a man. Watching it reminded me of myself. The majority of the reason that I don’t play sports and engage in highly competitive activities is because, well, I am innately immensely competitive. When I do/did play anything that involved a ball, a puck and a goal, I want it, and it WILL be mine. It because very dangerous for me to play because I had regard for neither my own nor other people’s safety…which was terrible because unlike Abby Wambach I was not a substantial and sturdy kid. I was a small, Asian girl. I took 8th grade gym which was dominated by guys and at that point the physical discrepancy between the sexes was poignant. Inevitably I spent the vast majority of the time in the nurse’s office with various injuries, before realizing that I would never be able to keep up. Which is sad because not putting 100% into what I do is frustrating and not like me at all.

Now fully grown, I’m not much like the skinny girl I was up until I started weight training in college and flipped some sort of gene switch that turned me into a more stocky person. Still I believe Wambach is quite tall for a woman and she’s pretty meaty/muscley. My body has always been a little weaker and prone to injury (joints…which is weird because I used to drink a gallon or more of milk a week until 12 grade), and I think even if I were to bulk up and weight train some MUSKLES I wouldn’t be able to compare to my other race compatriots. I’m not being racist, I’m spouting fact. You can’t deny that an Asian build is more slight overall than either white or black or even Hispanic ones. …even if I AM stockier and taller than my other co-workers, no guarantee I’m stronger.

Wambach married her wife in Oct 2013. Most top female athletes (as I’ve touched on before in some past post) are very male-like. Their level of testosterone (in utero and/or currently) is pretty much guaranteed to be much higher than other females. The masculine build of larger shoulders to hip ratio, height, muscle mass, bone density, lung capacity and size, muscle attachment, etc is essential to being a top athlete. In short they can take more hits, deliver more, are faster, stronger, and are more focused…all the traits that classically male.

I’ve long given up on that physically competitive side of me and embraced art. As I’ve disclosed often, I can’t deny myself that immense desire and love for physical exertion. I need it. If I don’t have that release I think I’d die. Or at least it would come out in other unfavorable ways. As in the Bible and like Saint Peter, my soul is more than willing, but my flesh is weak! Stupid injury-prone, easily-bruised body!!! I still blame my small feet. lol.  Thank goodness for video games. In the meantime I’ll stick with my dancing/fitness video games and nature trails with the dogs to keep me fit.


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