Ugh.

I’m wandering around on these dating sites and have gotten a sudden barrage of messages from people. It’s frustrating some of the more annoying people, but mostly it’s frustrating from my end of things.

I know I posted this before, but for some reason I’m just so hesitant to say, yeah, let’s go on a first date! I was so good before, just meeting all these guys, but after J, I really, truly just don’t want to throw myself randomly out there. How else am I going to make things work though?

The mindset of finding a relationship in a less inorganic method is very appealing to me, but I know it’s much harder because few guys are going to just wander up to me and be like heeeeeey. AND it could come off as creepy. Not to mention where in the world that would happen to begin with. The grocery store? I wanted to join a gym in part for this reason, but I really don’t want to spend the money to do it and not go. Plus apparently if you go tour or whatever, they’ll try to rope you in on the spot. Then I thought of other activities like indoor rockclimbing, but I am NOT in the best shape and what…I go by myself? Who’s going to come with me? I’d invite a guy to come with me, but it’s like $50 (ugh) and I don’t want it o turn into another trip where I mess it up with my failing muscle system.

I was looking for groups of things to do online, but there’s like none. Meetup.com has some groups but they’re all ancient and not in use anymore. Most groups are like, Bar club! Let’s go drinking!

What a dilemma. I know, people are telling me to just chill out and let it come, but when? When will it? And I know it’s not just going to come. I have to do something right? And then the sad part about that is that yay, it came, but then I’m all hesitant. I met some good potentials online, but one had like a breakdown and is now MIA and  the best candidate is out in CA where I can’t get to him. I really like him. The ones I’ve just been chatting with online (from the beginning)…well there’s a reason I crossed them off the list. I like talking to them, but yeah.

Ah well. It’s winter. Come spring there will be more opportunities to do things.