So as I’m lamenting about the sad state of affairs that I have in the online dating world (lots of interested guys, none I want to get serious with or thinking in that way) I think back to J. I really hope I didn’t hurt his feelings or make him heartbroken at all. It wasn’t long enough of an relationship for anything to really take root, but it cuts into me a bit that I wasn’t patient enough. So maybe he’s totally fine and I’m the one who’s in pain from it even though I wouldn’t call it that because I’m not in pain at all. I guess I thought we could just be friends afterwards, but apparently not….I miss talking to him and just really I miss his friendship. He was the most understanding and eager one so far. I still hold that there was nothing more than friendship there, but it’s such a waste of a relationship. Ugh. That’s why I thought maybe I hurt him. I really truly hope not.

Once again, I know that there’s a plan out there for me, but I’m eager to find that one…you know? There’s no rushing these things because otherwise it can backfire on me and remember that promise not to mess with people’s hearts anymore? I really, really don’t want to. It makes me more cautious this time around and less liberal about first dates. Paranoia! But I also don’t want to hold too long and lose another opportunity. I wonder how many I should try until I find what I want? That feeling of using people is stronger than ever and I wish I didn’t feel that way. People keep telling me to “just do it” and jump right in. Should I, though? Even if it doesn’t feel right?

I’ve been meaning to post that one of the new guys messaged me and pretty much 3 lines in he was like, “so what’s your stance on sex?” I was like “wut that was fast.” Interesting thing was that he wasn’t being creeper about it, he was just curious. Somehow I managed to intrigue him and even after I told him to move along little doggie, he said that he thought I was awesome and will trick me into dating him. I was like, good luck I don’t trick easily. >_< Even more interestingly, he intrigued me too. bah. Then there’s car guy who I can only describe as “nice.” All around nice. I complained about the sex thing to him and he was like, “lolwut. I wouldn’t know what to say.” If any of these guys interested me enough to think about a lot, it would be car guy at this point.

OK that’s it. Just had to get that out there.

Also, I lament that these days my body disintegrates SO QUICKLY. I’m feeling fat so I did some weight lifting today after Wii U fit complained I gained weight in a week and 15 minutes on the bike yesterday. OMG total gym I was only on level 2 and my abs were like, no freakin way, woman! I have never been that hard pressed on any exercise machine. The New year’s resolution is not looking good, but I swear I will get back into decent shape. My creaky body is not responding well, though. I was asking around about gym memberships and so far that doesn’t look good either. They all cost so freaking much! I wish I had more room to move around in. This townhouse is really starting to cramp me in. I don’t know how much longer I can stand being in such close quarters.

Muscles are complaining!!!!!!!!!



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