I’m cold

It’s supposed to snow/sleet/ice/rain tonight into tomorrow and Wednesday. Wed-nes-day. Why is that?

So this weekend has been…interesting. Friday saw some stomach issues, on and off throughout the day, then Saturday saw the opposite stomach issue problem, then Sunday was severe acid-reflux and major allergy my-lips-swelled-up-like-crazy, and today has some more minor stomach issues like Friday. Conclusions? Eggs really get me going…this is why I don’t get the flu shot. Somehow I managed to overdo the egg thing. Normally I’m OK if I eat it every so often only. I guess the quiche, then the scrambled eggs, and then the hot ga kho pushed that over the limit. Saturday’s problem had to do with all the dairy (cheese, ice cream) I was eating (darn quiche again). And the lip swelling? Hard to say! It really could have been anything in Homegoods or Michael’s or food related or drugs or whatever! I will say with certainty that it was very scary and I’ve never had anything like that before. Thank goodness for Benadryl. Gotta make sure to keep some in my work bag…

For the record, my lips are big to begin with, but not THAT big!! Lower lip and upper right lip/cheek area. Everything felt swollen like I was having dental anesthesia, except my lips worked and weren’t numb. Angioedema much?

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Very unflattering pictures. Ugh.

So I refused to go grocery shopping with my mom and brother (he took today off for some reason) and instead went to get gas and to the bank because omg I have no money in the bank. New Year’s resolution for realz: SAVE MONEY. Which will be hard considering our vacation plans. Set up Christmas deco in the house and was too lazy to do that for the outside. Apparently we moved all our decorations to the other house so now we have no ornaments and no wrapping paper and nothing. After the deco, I did Christmas cards (except that I have to wait on half of them because I have to make sure people’s addresses are up to date which many of them weren’t) and wrapped a few presents. Then cleaned my room and all of that took so long it was 3pm before I actually got online to do online stuff like clean out the inbox, get more addresses, read things, and check my dating sites. Lined up a date this coming Sunday with Asian dude (still in the market for an Asian guy! Gonna at least see how he’s like from a first date at least) from MD and (I believe I mentioned before) one for Fredericksburg. Had a surprise message from a guy from Hampton, VA who sounds very charming and  more than a bit like someone I’m looking for (not Asian, though. darn.).

Told my mom about my problems with J, and she recommended that I find someone closer to my age or older. It’s true…time is relative remember? My time moves more quickly than someone younger than me. He has time, I don’t. And I still can’t justify his inability to communicate with me more readily…I’ve been to his place…he admits to me that he doesn’t really do much…so why is it so hard? Eh, it’s been over with him for a little while now. I kept waiting for it to blossom into something, but it never did. I have no feelings for him besides friendship. Our time together was fun, but there was never a spark. Never knew what that meant until now. It’s good that we can finally talk about relationships. I keep telling her that she should look for another man, for future’s sake, but she says she’s still bitter. I think it’d be great for her. She’ll be lonely and I don’t want that. Like I don’t want to be lonely.

Ugh. I wonder if tea helps with acid reflux. I mean, the way Asian cuisine is, you’d think they’d suffer from it more often. Maybe it’s tea. Gonna go brew me some whilst making beef stew for tonight.

Speaking of my mom, I got to the point where I couldn’t stand the clutter in our house, so I cleaned things out and my mom likes it too. Man. I feel like I keep manipulating her to do what I want. Whoever I end up with will have to get used to that, haha. I don’t consider it manipulating, though! I think I’m breaking bad habits. I love changing things up because it keeps things new and fresh. If things sit too long, go the same path forever, you create a rut. By mixing it up, you might find a new path you never knew existed because all you could see were the walls of your rut.

Liana slept in my room last night and was uncharacteristically aggressive to other dogs this morning (we’ve been trying to work on the dog-leash aggression for both of them and we were doing so well!). I feel like she picked up on my insecurities from the allergy incident and that’s her way of protecting me. She is unlike a typical greyhound, you know? Gable is big, loud and intimidating, but he’s so gentle (despite that fight he got into). On the other hand, Liana is small, dark and definitively a fighter. People don’t notice her because they’re busy looking at Gable and then WHAM. She was aptly named for the track: Lady Jaguar. How perfect!!! I love these two with all my heart. As obnoxious, money draining, and inconvenient as they are. They teach me how to make relationships work, how to be a better person and  most importantly: how to calm down.

There’s a girl at work who is like my twin/sister. We are so similar personality-wise, just from different backgrounds and life paths. We both have anger issues and she’s been having problems sleeping because she gets so wound up about the stress in her life (money, ex-issues with her kids, etc), so I was trying to give her suggestions. The more we talked, the more I realized how much control I’d managed to attain on myself. I attribute much of it to how my mom raised me, but the rest comes from me. Over the years I’ve often thought about how if my mom was not present in my life and if my dad had been the one to raise me, how utterly different I would have been. In fact, I think I would be in prison by now or at least an all around jerk like him. Or dead.

What I didn’t tell her, but wanted to was that her real problem is the one thing she is lacking in her life: her spiritual health is not good. SHe does yoga and stuff, but I can tell she focuses more on the moves themselves rather than the zen part of it. I’m a firm believer that spiritual health is undeniably essential to a healthy existence. And I’m not talking any particular religion either. I don’t care if it’s Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Taoism, Confucianism, Bhuddism, Hinduism, Dog-ism, nature-ism, the Asian family worshipping,  WHATEVER. To believe in something or coming to a belief in a greater  existentialism is highly important. It puts things into perspective, it allows you overcome obstacles, and it helps create peace. In everything you do. Really what they all have in common is that it pulls you away from yourself to the realization that there is so much more out there than you. When was the last time you lay in the grass and watched the clouds go by? Or hiked a mountain and turned around to gaze upon nature? That puts things into perspective and quickly. When you’re at peace with existence, then life will grant you peace. It’s not to downplay anyone’s suffering and stresses, but it helps to understand that there truly is hope. Trust in it and as all things do, it will pass. Have you ever watched the Jet Li movie, The One? The aggressive Jet Li uses a strong style of martial art that goes in a straight line. The calm, “nice” one uses circles (but only when he’s calm enough not to let anger control him), using the opponent’s energy to take him down. That’s the heart of aikido. Hah. Maybe aikido had more influence on me than I thought. It’s still the concept of remaining calm and not running away, but tackling a conflict in an effective yet non-violent way. You still have to face it, but how you do it is the gist of it. You have the option of causing major pain when you take down your opponent, but in aikido, you purposefully choose to preserve your attacker.

I lost my train of thought.

I’m hungry now. Ooo gotta go start the stew!! Then walk dogs! Then more stew!!



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