Sometimes

…sometimes I sit here and think about how boring my life is. Yes, I’m thinking about stuff like that again. The more I see, hear what my friends/colleagues are doing I think about how dull everything is for me: sleep, walk dog, eat, drive, work, eat, work, drive, walk dog, eat, sleep, repeat. I mean, I’m still young! Why am I wasting it!!!??? And then I realize that I can’t. I have people to provide for, I have to support my family, I have a child/dog I’m responsible for. I’m limited by my own body: after a certain time a day I am unbelievably exhausted. My friends are all far from me, which makes finding things to do very hard, not to mention my everlasting feeling of “Oh I can’t for <insert excuse>” I STILL have no idea why I do that!! I can’t believe that I’m still afraid of getting in trouble for going to have fun. There’s also that nagging guilt of passing off Gable onto my mom while I go somewhere with people…hence one of the reasons I originally wanted 2, so that they’d have each other when I/we wander off to do something. You know what doesn’t help? My mom is always like I’m too tired to do anything while she watches TV for hours on end. She refuses to go anywhere with her friends citing that she’s a homebody. I think she’s afraid of having fun too. It’s debilitating!!

In other news, it’s only Thursday!!! Blarghles. The snow and ice we’ve been having were pretty! Aaaaand I got an excuse to drive my Outback through snow/slush/ice. hehehehe. I was very careful at first, but it soon became apparent that my car CAN!! and other people were way too slow, so heeeeeeeeeeeehehehehe. Good feeling! I absolutely am in love with my car. I am a Subaru convert for life. Subaru fangirl!! I will be down south this weekend! Gable gets so very upset when I don’t take him places on the weekends. I think it’s a good time to go buy presents for people. Speaking of which I really need to get started on the Christmas cards. Finally gathered everyone’s current addresses for sending! Somehow my card list exploded this year, but it makes me feel good because I’ve been reaching out to old friends and connecting with people. I will break out of this shell yet!

There was a temp hygienist at work today who does the gig only as a temp because she’s actually a photographer. It makes me jealous because I want so much to be able to do something else and hygiene only on the side like that. My mom was like, yeah what a great idea because she thinks I might have an eye for photography and dude how totally awesome would it be to be able to be in the field like that working on what you love!! I want to photograph nature, except photography usually involves people. and weddings. see where this is heading? And then she was like, then you can work alongside your sister!!! ugh.

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3 thoughts on “Sometimes

  1. Suburus are great for snow driving. When I went to Maine, I noticed EVERYONE there drives a suburu. Totally know that feeling about feeling guilty going out to have fun. I used to make excuses, but the truth is I just don’t feel like seeing people most of the time.

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      • Nah, I’ve come to just accept the fact that I just don’t want to hang out sometimes and it’s nothing personal. A lot of people feel like hanging out is the “normal” thing to do, I guess. Even after a stressful week, all I want to do is go home, put on my sweats, eat wings, and play video games.

        But thank you! I still have one more final on Friday :)

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