Oh geeeez…..

So. Interesting revelation at work today. Ever since the new side of the office reno we have hired another assistant to help out. She is a dental hygiene hopeful and is taking coursea and stuff to prep. Very interesting girl. We first met when she was my last pt of a very busy day back when I waa working 7-5 (shudder). I was dead tired and sick of dealing with people. She was late and i remember just going through the motions. Fast forward about 3 months and i come in one day and there she is. Anyhoos her story is interesting. She is only 22 i think, or thereabouts, and she has a little son heading on 2 years old? The father was in jail and they even had a custody battle over him. She told me herself that she used to be a druggie.

Totally different world from mine, eh?

Moving along here, we work together in the office. It has been about a month- 2 months. It’s nice to have different people in the workplace cuz it livens things up with different parties. We talk and banter ans tell jokes and complain to each other, etc just like all coworkers tend to do. She keeps asking me to go hang with her on the weekends or after work and i continue to decline. I think, you know, being friendly. Well. Today. I notice that she seems …irritated? Well i run to the back ti clean some splatter off my clothes and she confronts me. She’s like “you know you have got to tell me to back off if i creep you out! You keep walking away from me when i talk to you!” So what do i do? I laugh it off and run away. Well she follows me and continues “you know i thought you might sort of like me so you have got to let me know if this is something serious or if i’m just wasting my time!” I cant escape this time bc she’s blocking my way out and i know that sooner or later i have to say something. The asnwers and consequences blow through my mind. I had had a feeling something like thiz was going to happen, but i have never ever directly put anyone down like that before. So i feign complete ignorance about the whole issue. And change the subject as if it didnt faze me at all. If she

is smart then she’ll get my subtlety which im sure she is. Unfortunately she is also stubborn so i bet she’ll keep hounding me until i give a more direct answer.

Who knew that it would escalate to this? I guess i had an inkling, but i never thought it would boil over like this. Its…awkward to work with a situation like this is turning into. This has happened many times over int the past. Male or female. Apparently i flirt, but i dont know it. I honestly mean nothing but people dont see that? Why cant I just be friends with people? In the past i would just remove myself from situations like these and eventually the other person gets it. I dont think i can do that this time around.

I care nothing for romantic relationships. To be honest I’m not sure if i ever want to be in one. Nor do i care if i dont now that i think about it. I’m a strange person to be sure, but what can i say? I dont’ believe that i ever set out to purposefully lure people in and spit them out,  but analyzing my past, i might do it unconsciously. I literally have left a trail of broken hearts behind me. I really need to atop attracting people. Really. It gets in the way of making new friends. My old brokenhearts all end up distancing

themselves from me one way or another, probably disgusted…though not like i make it easy for people to get close to me.

I might truly be doomed to be alone. With my greyhound horde. Mwahaha. Hey nothin wrong with being the crazy old greyhound lady in my book.

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2 thoughts on “Oh geeeez…..

  1. I am going to reply too much to this but hopefully if I say lots of things at least some of it will be useful! So:
    1. You can’t control how people feel about you! You can’t blame yourself for “leaving a trail of broken hearts” when you never promised anything. They made the decision to be interested in you; you did not reciprocate. It happens! It’s okay.
    2. I don’t think that people “distance themselves, disgusted.” If they are angry with you because you don’t return their feelings, then they are dumb. I think it’s just that you feel awkward, they feel awkward, there’s things left unsaid, and you said yourself that you tend to actively avoid people afterward. But I don’t think that anyone is ever disgusted with you.
    3. Rejection is okay! I so much prefer people to be direct and honest and not-a-big-deal about things, because then you can deal and move on. “Thanks, but I’d rather keep things in the workplace professional” is totally okay. Or “Thanks, but I’m happy just being your friend.” And then live up to your words and be professional or frends. (It’s much harder when people don’t use their words and ask, but that’s another story.)

    Also your greyhound horde better get along with my cats.

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    • You know, the thing is that I know what I should do, but I can’t bring myself to do it! I think I’m afraid that the outcome will be awkwardness snd that ‘something else’ underlying our connections in the workplace from here on out. Sadly I feel like with her personality she’ll sooner get over the whole thing than I will. So I guess in the end it’s all me. Currently I’m still playing the ‘I dont know what youre talking about’ game in the hopes that she’ll think i’m totally dense or naive. If that doesnt work then Ill have to be direct!!! Omg.

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